I had a wonderful friend, I still believe I do.

I made a mistake, I lied, I lived the lie for a while,

but I couldn't go on forever, so I came clean, and told this friend the truth,

suddenly things changed, and this friend broke contact with me,

I was sorry, I apologized, I did everything I could to make up to my friend, this friend even said the lie wasn't such a big deal, but things have changed,

This friend has other issues, this friend is depressed, I don't know how this friend is doing, I am worried,

I reach out to this friend, but the replies I get are very few or none,

I am still sorry, I still miss this friend, it's been a while now, but I know that I can never move on, because that is not an option. This friend reached out to me and helped me out, comforted me and helped me understand and accept myself.

Maybe I don't deserve friendship anymore, maybe it was all my fault, maybe there is no second chance,

but is it wrong for me to know how this friend is doing now? because I care about this friend. I swear to god, I had a dream where I had a falling out with my friend...... and yet.... I have never seen my friend........... I don't know how this friend looks like....

In my dream, this friend was a faceless, shapeless figure, because maybe that's how I saw this friend.

I think that makes it more wonderful because it was never about how we looked or anything like that.

When you want something really bad, and it's a person's friendship and you know you're truly sorry in your heart and only wish for things to go back to what they were before the relationship was fractured, but you know that you can't control another person's feelings, and you have no right to control their feelings, isn't it hard ?

I know that I lied, and I came clean, I could have just kept the lie going, but I came clean, because I was always guilty, if I didn't care I would have never confessed to the lie.

Days keep going by, I am a human being, I am selfish, I want this person's friendship because this friend did help me out,

but I now only wish for this friend's happiness, if being away from me makes this friend's life a little less stressful, then so be it, yes it hurts me, but I care for this friend. I only want the best to happen to this friend, and I wish I could hear from this friend every now and then....

If nothing else, just a "I'm fine", just to know that how this friend is doing.

I don't blame this friend, It wasn't this friend's fault at all, so if this friend doesn't want to talk to me anymore, then I guess what I did is reason enough.

I still miss this friend, and that's the truth, and I always will.

[Travelinglady]

I am sorry you lost this friend. Evidently your lie was too much, and this person feels like you can't be trusted, even though you came clean. Alas, it sounds like you need to move on and find other friends--and be honest with them from the start.

It sounds like the lie must have been a big deal to this friend of yours. The seriousness of the matter may have been compounded by the length in which you held out maintaining the lie. I wouldn't know I'm just surmising. If you confessed, apologized and tried to make it up to your friend then perhaps they need time apart from you to think. Let your friend know that you care. Maybe send a card or letter of apology. Ask if your friend will consider being friends again down the road.

I've had a friend apologize to me for something but there were many incidents before and they all added up making it difficult to forgive the last incident. I don't know that we will ever be the same. It is sad to lose a close friend. I hope your situation finds a better ending than mine.

i thought things would get better, this friend once told me it wasn't really my fault, and that they understood why i did lie. It was at the beginning, when we didn't really know each other that i lied, my friend has replied to me recently, but every time and stopped again.

I don't have many friends and probably never will, but this friend came at a time where i was completely lost, and helped me to understand and accept myself.

it was a lie, and it was my fault, but my friend said that it wasn't just my lie, but other things not attributed to me.

i lied about one thing, but everything else i shared with this friend is true, I've told this friend stuff i have never told anyone before or after, including my own family, all those other things don't become lies.

what do i do, move on ? I don't think any friend is irreplaceable, let alone someone special like that.

maybe i screwed it all up, but the lie was just a small part, it doesn't make everything else a lie, i lied because i never really had friends and i wasn't expecting such a wonderful person to be my friend. It took a lot of courage from me to come clean, and i admitted to my lie because i loved this person, whether they want to believe it or not. I am sure this person knows

yes, i am hurt, not necessarily because my friend is not my friend anymore, but because .....

you know what, i don't know what to say, i don't think words can do justice, i don't care how long it takes, it doesn't have to go back to the way it was before, but we can try again, from scratch.

if anyone reading this feels I'm silly, overly emotional or don't believe my feelings, i wish there was someway i could show you all how i feel.

i am just not the kind of person who forgets people, because every person is unique.

how is my friend doing? I wanna know.

sorry about my posts, im not used to using a phone to type, it seems my phone's autocorrect thinks it is appropriate to skip words, making sentences look broken or unfinished.

[gnat]

I get what you're saying. I lost a friend just over a year ago. I poured out my heart and soul to him and I thought he understood me, i thought he cared. Then one day he said his wife was uncomfortable with our friendship and if he was to save their marriage we can be friends no more.

To this day it still hurts, the rejection. I broke his rule and reached out to him to see how he was doing and he said he is doing better than ever. A true friend would be happy for him and I tried, oh I tried. Instead I feel even more hurt that he is able to feel so happy with me out of his life when I am struggling day by day, even after a year has passed. I am confident his wife will have another affair as from what he says it sounds like she is in love with another man, and I hate that our friendship had to die for a doomed relationship.

On one hand I feel like I hate him. He hurt me more severely than anyone on my adult life. I feel I could never trust him again and want to tell him to ef off, but then I realize I'm angry with him for hurting me because I cared too much. I became dependent on him to handle my emotions. It's not him I hate, it's myself for being foolish and trusting him.

I try to forget as he has forgotten me, but I cannot. At this very moment I am unable to sleep because all I can think of was things I should have done differently the last time I sas him

I guess this isn't very comforting- me still suffering after so much time. I reacted a similar way (not quite so severe, I wasn't suicidal) almost 20 years ago when I had another friend reject me. It took me 2-3 years before it didn't upset me greatly and i still to this day get anxious when I see her (we have a common friend an have bumped into each other over the years).

I hope the pain will some day go away for both of us.

Originally Posted by gnat

I get what you're saying. I lost a friend just over a year ago. I poured out my heart and soul to him and I thought he understood me, i thought he cared. Then one day he said his wife was uncomfortable with our friendship and if he was to save their marriage we can be friends no more.

To this day it still hurts, the rejection. I broke his rule and reached out to him to see how he was doing and he said he is doing better than ever. A true friend would be happy for him and I tried, oh I tried. Instead I feel even more hurt that he is able to feel so happy with me out of his life when I am struggling day by day, even after a year has passed. I am confident his wife will have another affair as from what he says it sounds like she is in love with another man, and I hate that our friendship had to die for a doomed relationship.

On one hand I feel like I hate him. He hurt me more severely than anyone on my adult life. I feel I could never trust him again and want to tell him to ef off, but then I realize I'm angry with him for hurting me because I cared too much. I became dependent on him to handle my emotions. It's not him I hate, it's myself for being foolish and trusting him.

I try to forget as he has forgotten me, but I cannot. At this very moment I am unable to sleep because all I can think of was things I should have done differently the last time I sas him

I guess this isn't very comforting- me still suffering after so much time. I reacted a similar way (not quite so severe, I wasn't suicidal) almost 20 years ago when I had another friend reject me. It took me 2-3 years before it didn't upset me greatly and i still to this day get anxious when I see her (we have a common friend an have bumped into each other over the years).

I hope the pain will some day go away for both of us.

Thank you for sharing your story, it means a lot.

My friendship was kind of 'spiritual', this friend was the first person to ever understand me. I was about to lose it, when this friend comforted me, and gave me advice. This friend just didn't tell me what I wanted to hear, but the advice I received was real, there was real care. This friend gave me serious suggestions, not just 'be yourself and do whatever you want' kind I get from most, (I still appreciate those kind of advice too)

I hope the pain goes away, but that can only happen if I hear from my friend.

[niceguy]

Have you tried to reach out again?

Originally Posted by niceguy

Have you tried to reach out again?

Every week.

[niceguy]

What method have you used? Are you sure it is being seen or heard? For example my old email got blocked. Had to get a new one. Then I lost my phone so had to get a new one and number. However If you are sure they have seen and heard all that you can possibly say, it is in your best interest to walk away. The pain can never cease until you do. Plus, should the space renew both of your resolve, they could reach out and it could be a happily ever after. (That's my dream and I'm sticking to it lol.)
The only thing we have control over is our emotions/reactions - the past we cannot control, no matter how many times we replay where we went wrong. For what it's worth, I don't think friendship ever ends, simply is just put on hold until you next meet...

Originally Posted by niceguy

What method have you used? Are you sure it is being seen or heard? For example my old email got blocked. Had to get a new one. Then I lost my phone so had to get a new one and number. However If you are sure they have seen and heard all that you can possibly say, it is in your best interest to walk away. The pain can never cease until you do. Plus, should the space renew both of your resolve, they could reach out and it could be a happily ever after. (That's my dream and I'm sticking to it lol.)
The only thing we have control over is our emotions/reactions - the past we cannot control, no matter how many times we replay where we went wrong. For what it's worth, I don't think friendship ever ends, simply is just put on hold until you next meet...

I'm not sure, maybe my friend has other problems and reasons for not responding.

I don't know, I'm sad, that is all. Missing my friend.

I only wish my friend is alright.

[niceguy]

Why do you call them "friend" - is that all they are or were they more? You talk as if you were intimate, but the friendship label implies a deeper meaning (based on the repetitive use of the word)...

Your story intrigues me, private msg me if you want, I want to know more - and help if I can.
For what it's worth, you sound as if you are someone who is not easily forgotten, or unwanted. I am sure your "friend" feels the same.

Originally Posted by niceguy

Why do you call them "friend" - is that all they are or were they more? You talk as if you were intimate, but the friendship label implies a deeper meaning (based on the repetitive use of the word)...

Your story intrigues me, private msg me if you want, I want to know more - and help if I can.
For what it's worth, you sound as if you are someone who is not easily forgotten, or unwanted. I am sure your "friend" feels the same.

Just trying to hide my friend's gender, nothing else.

Sure I'll PM you.