I keep having stupid freakouts and I hate it and want to stop

Please reach out to a therapist, they can connect you with a pdoc. It's hard to say what's going on with you or why. But there is always hope. When everything get's under my skin and my anxiety goes thru the roof, I am at danger of a panic attack and or hurting myself or others. So I take it very seriously. Therapy and the right meds have helped me. Not cured me, but helped me a lot! I've learned good coping skills and they take time and practice. Please try to talk to some one soon.

I can only tell from own experience. But when I had similar things I was quite depressed and some more stuff was going on as well. I was flatout mentally drained so every little thing overloaded my brain. I think I was actually physically not at my best either. Sometimes I was like a kid that just needed a nap or a snack. But on some weird major level. I was so tired emotionally that I could snap or cry from just dropping a spoon on the floor. I needed to clear out my environment from stressors so I became less overloaded, I needed more rest and I needed my mind to get less tired as well. Unfortunately the latter included meds, but at least I'm sort of balanced since many years now.

What I'm really saying is that your mind might tell you that something's too much and it needs a break from it. I think maybe identify stressors and getting mental rest is more important than learning how to stop the outlet.

I used to break things and people told me to break something cheap LOL. But in fact I needed to stop the reason for meltdowns, not just redirect the effect.

i agree with jimi and Sinking, your and your family's belief that this is somehow voluntary behavior which you can just stop is pure delusion. it is a brain chemistry disorder which can be helped by some meds sometimes, and other learned coping mechanisms, such as de-stressing interventions by others.

i used to have this behavior too. i managed to rebalance my brain chemistry by using an auditory (sound) therapy called holosync, and meditation, as well as cognitive therapy. (i had adverse (bad) reactions to most psych meds.) but when it was happening to me, i finally began calling the incidents "seizures", as that's how they presented: uncontrolled, involuntary, physical convulsions.

there is a post in the Emotions forum with some suggestions on how to recover after one of these episodes. i hope you find something there that helps you, and do share these ideas with your family. they must be feeling terribly helpless also~! i will post them here for you and others who are going thru the same kinds of things.

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when emotions become overwhelming, having the skills to manage them is crucial. even tho the following were developed for anxiety and panic, i have found them to be equally useful for other emotions.

Self Comforting Skills

we are social creatures, but getting what we need when we need it from another is not always available. here are some of the suggestions from the DBT handbook on Self Soothing Skills:

think of soothing each of your FIVE SENSES

1) Vision: Notice what you see, find soothing things to look at.
(i go to a blog that has lovely pictures: C PTSD - A Way Out | A place to check in daily)

2) Hearing: Pay attention to what you can hear around you.
(put on your favorite music...)

3) Smell: Be aware of the memories that smell can bring.
(i like to do aroma therapy. there are many Essential Oils for that.)

4) Taste: Carefully savor flavors that the day brings you.
(keep a favorite hard candy on hand, for the little sugar boost, too.)

5) Touch: Find comfort in touch.
(keep a special pillow or blanket with a favorite perfume on it.)

Self-Sooth

these are not listed, but i find them handy, too:

A) Reassurance: Tell yourself that you are OK, safe and unharmed.
(the danger is past, you have survived this before and now
you are stronger and more skillful than then.)

B) Take Action: Go for a walk, or exercise or clean house or cook. (use your
body's natural focusing powers to leave the emotion behind.)

C) Refocus: Think about pleasant things. Push the hurtful thoughts away.
(have a hobby or a story, or a book that you like, to take your
mind to a better place.)

Coping With Strong Emotions:

1. Remember, strong feelings are just exaggerations of normal bodily stress reactions.

2. Sensations are neither harmful nor dangerous - just unpleasant. Nothing worse will happen.

3. Emotions are temporary. Instead of fighting, relax into it. Just let it be.

4. Focus on facing the feeling rather than trying to avoid it or escape from it.

5. Stop adding to the panic with frightening thoughts of where panic will lead.

6. Stay in the present. Be aware of what is happening to you rather than concern yourself with how much worse it might get.

7. Notice that when you stop adding to panic with frightening thoughts, the fear begins to fade.

8. Wait and give the feeling time to pass.

9. Look around you. Plan what you will do next as the emotion subsides.

10. When you are ready to go on, do so in an easy, relaxed manner. There is no hurry.

11. Think about the progress made so far despite all the difficulties.

Some Specific Actions:

1. Manage your breathing, if it is rapid, breathe into a paper sack to lower oxygen uptake;

2. Count your breaths, 1001, 1002, 1003, ect, up to 1020, then start again, slow down the count to slow your heartbeat. counting interferes with emotional feelings;

3. Delay doing anything about your anxiety or emotion, just follow the steps and focus on getting thru it;

4. Distract yourself, with anything that requires you to focus and is simple and handy - at home you might read something easy, like a magazine, or knit or wash dishes, whatever engages your attention;

5. Eat something to replenish the blood sugars that adrenalin has burned up, and give yourself at least 15 minutes for the kidneys to clean out the 'ashes' in your blood;

6. Write these things down and keep them with you, until you have made them a habit

practice these skills before you need them, or when you are just mildly upset, so they will be familiar when you are feeling very upset. i hope you find this information helpful~

best wishes~
Gus