Selfishness

I only care about myself, my brain keeps telling me. I can't bring myself to appreciate or care about my family. I feel no shame or guilt for the ****** things I've done. It's tearing me apart. I know I love my family, but I don't feel it. Maybe I don't love them. I feel constantly insincere. I try to do good things for other people, but it's not because I want to. Well, I do want to, but not for the right reason. I don't feel I have any kindness in my heart, which is what i want to have. I want to want to help out of kindness, not just to look good or gain approval . I want to feel guilty when I screw up. I just can't seem to feel any shame. It's all about me in my mind, and I don't like that. Any replies would be appreciated. I posted something similar yesterday, but didn't get anything. What does this sound like to you?

Hello Swaggyfishsticks: I'm sorry you did not receive any responses to your previous post. You may yet. Sometimes it takes a while. I don't know... it sounds to me as though you care very much. I don't know anything about you. So it's difficult for me to say much about your concerns. I wonder if, perhaps, something has caused you to bottle up your emotions to the point where you are not able to experience the emotions you want to feel and that you know instinctively you have, somewhere. They're there, they're just imprisoned in a sort of solitary confinement.

From my perspective, I would suggest this is something that would be worth exploring with a therapist. This is not, I believe, a "condition" to be feared. It is a puzzle to be solved...

Take care of yourself first. Worry about family latter.

Get some books on self-esteem by Nathaniel
Branden.

I used to have these thoughts too -- wanting to be truly selfless. But it's counter-productive to beat yourself up about not caring about others enough.

I agree with Blue Dove that you can benefit from working on self-esteem. Remember, you don't need to give yourself up for the sake of giving other people what they want.

I care about others but not much about my parents as they are truly selfish and thoughtless. So not caring about your family might be common if they suck like mine

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Caring is doing. I know what is fair and unfair according to my own inner rules. I think it is unfair that Romani people are so badly treated in their country they have to come here and sit in every corner to beg for the smallest things. People tell me to be more selfish, but I give to them, I mean not much because they are quite many. I help friends and others, without asking anything back. People claim I'm the least selfish person they know.

Still do I feel pain when I see the pain of the beggar. No. Do I feel pain when my friends get hurt and I help them? No. Does it matter?

Some would say, Oh you don't help for the right reasons since you don't have much empathy, but is there a secret god judging why I do things and if I do them for the "right" reason? Why can't "Because I feel it is right" BE the right reason? Why does it have to be because I feel your pain? I have seen a lot of overly empathic people not do ANYTHING to help others. So, IMO, empathy might be quite useless.

I know... people might think of me as callous and bad, but I'm NOT. I just process things in a different way and that HAS TO BE OK.

It took me over 30 years to feel love towards my family. Does that mean I was bad before? No. It just meant my feelings are a bit different than others. I don't LOVE most people. Does it matter? To me it does not. I obviously care on some levels. Do I have to feel all fuzzy and warm inside? No. I can live without that. It's fine.