Aggressiveness

I haven't been aggressive nor conflictive in most of my life, but this months after trying Paroxetin I started feeling this increasing aggressive, revenge-thirsty feeling without any clear reason and no matter who's in front of me. I'm not usually impulsive and most of times I just pretend something else or use humor to cover it, and I haven't truly hit someone but in some cases I've been able to emotionally hurt others. Be it via criticizing moral stances, personal issues, etc. I can feel sort of guilty for that, but another part of me actually feels good for not being good. I think I'm wondering for how expressing something I had repressed and afraid to release until now and getting familiar with the idea that among human needs there's this one to cause harm in smaller dosage under the pretended need of having priorities and seeing it as an unavoidable "sin". Just "loving" and being too peaceful, feels like I'm not really keeping a balance nor learning to accept what being a human is about but more like another functional oxygen-spending machine who does some calculus then f*** his couple, feeds his sons/daughters and stays put with the routine.

More than wishing such emotions disappear out of nothing and pretend life's about living with a forced smile with negative emotions wiped out of even fantasies, I think more about how properly accepting those without letting those leading to something beyond any meaningful outcome.

How would you deal with those?

I also want to get what you want. There are times when I think that I have a nuclear bomb inside me. I try to keep it inactive bc I afraid of the strenght and the harm that can cause. The few times it has explode I didn't like it at all. I didn't like myself at all.

Said that, you mentioned the meds. You could ask your psychiatrist about if it could be a side effect, if you haven't done it yet.

You mentioned that you started to take new medicine; maybe you should call your physician and explain how you have been feeling after you take the medicine. The medicine could be giving you side affects that could be making you feel a certain way.

I have to spend out that anger doing something. I go to a 24 hr gym and hit and scream and box (when I'm alone of course ) or I run with angry music on my headphones. I can't keep it bottled up and I don't think anyone else should either.

In fact, I made a stupid mistake before starting the meds; I didn't thought on asking my psychiatrist about important side effects nor she warned me more than consequences of leaving cold turkey. I asked her a weeks ago and decided to leave it.

About screaming and hitting... I'm not that energetic, but I get and share the idea of avoiding the emotional warehouse. I usually try to sublimate via writing/drawing or similar but I don't feel like I'm actually solving in full terms the problem but more of avoiding it to get worse (still better than nothing, certainly agree on that and it's a good piece of advice). In the end, I still wonder for a reason, because I wasn't like this a few years ago.

Maybe a different medication?

I also use physical exercise and heavy music. I sometimes think about buying a punch bag though. Lol!

I always wanted one but would be counterproductive for me since most of my frustration is rooted here getting out and going somewhere else is like it breaks apart leaving a piece at a time behind me

It's not a stupid mistake. Many times is better to not know the side effects. A same médication can influence on people in different ways.
But the best is to talk to your doctor about it.
You also could ask for a blood test in case it could be a thyroids problem.

Why is not? Losing sexual desire, having nauseas, getting aggressive out of nothing... I think I should have known that from the beginning. I had the luck of trying it during vacations, I wonder using it while on normal activities. In the end, I could just have tried another medicine. As I wrote, I talked with my psychiatrist about it some weeks ago and I decided to quit. Though I'll give a try to some general med tests, that's something I should have tried before as well.

You are right!