They Forget That I'm Handicaped

Hi, my name is Oliver and I'm 18 years old. I have been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, OCD and ADHD. Please take the time to read what I am about to write.

An hour ago I got a "rage attack", there was an argument between me and mom, and then dad steped in, even my big sister. It got to much when all were blaming me for asking if we had a blanket for one of our dogs as she was laying on the plain floor. They said I should look for a blanket myself before asking, but the problem is that I don't know where the blankets are, and even if I did I wouldn't know wich blankets I could take, so I have to ask. The arguing kept going and mom started screaming at me, I was already upset so I called her a *****, dad steped in and I screamed at him, so he backed down and went quiet because he knows by now to stay out of it. Last time he steped in I punched a wall and broke two knockles, so we had to spend a whole night at the hospital. Anyways, the argument stops for a little bit and its quiet, but I'm just standing in the kitchen frozen, building up so much anger and I had to let it out. I threw chairs around, pushed stuff of the table and then went on into my room to punch holes in my door and then throw my office chair. For an hour now I've been sitting here shaking and trying to fight my anger with logical thinking.

I think, that sometimes my family forgets that I have handicaps and autism, and they start blaming me for my flaws. I keep thinking to myself, "If I sit in a wheelchair, will that keep reminding them that I am handicaped?". When a guy in a wheelchair is trying to get down some stairs, people rush to aid him. When I try to pick a game to buy at the game store, no one helps me.
I never have anyone who comes rushing to my aid, to talk to me and reason with me. Instead I am forced to make decisions by myself, wich may or may not turn out very well. If a cellphone that costs $100 is just as good a cellphone that costs $400 but this one is green colored, I would most likley buy the green colored one because of my color OCD.

Tell me, what did I do wrong? Because I sure don't understand what I did wrong by asking for a blanket for the dog. I always say sorry to my parents after an outbreak, but this time they are gonna have too. Untill then I am going to be mad at them. My outbreak wasn't my fault, they triggered it and they should know better.

Thank you.

Please bear with me. I get outbreaks too. I have Asperger's, ADHD, and schizoaffective disorder along with panic disorder. Mine are significantly less than they used to be growing up with my parents. I would punch holes in walls too. These days, the worst thing I've done is throw my laptop or throw drink cans off a table, things like that. My husband says it is what makes me immature sometimes, but I have been doing these outbreaks less than before. Anyway,... I wanted to say, I am always responsible for how I react to things. I am responsible for my outbreaks, and throwing things, and not handling myself appropriately. It is my fault I threw my laptop, not the person online who made me mad. My husband doesn't see my Asperger's as an excuse to throw things. My whole life I have been blamed for my reaction to things, while no one cared at all about what people did to me to make me mad. I am slowly learning, my reaction is just as important as what people have done to me. I used to get in trouble for hitting my sister after she taunted me and made me mad, and she would not get punished. It was maddening! I felt like no one cared about how people were hurting me and upsetting me. It is still the case sometimes, but I am slowly learning that I can handle things differently regardless of who's fault it was for making me upset or mad. When you might reach this point, I don't know. I am sorry people are making you this upset. It really takes a toll on us people with Autism. I hope something I have said has helped, or at least hasn't hurt you.

Hi, I haven't seen you around before. Welcome to PsychCentral.
While I would like to say that maybe they triggered you, maybe you are sorry for saying what you did, even if you couldn't control it?
I am sorry that your family struggles to understand your own struggles.
p.s. you can almost always find a green phone case!

@krisakira I don't have anyone to teach me how to handle stuff diffrently. When I get this angry, my mom has told me that my eyes turn black and I'm not me anymore. It's un-controllable, and it happens so fast. Much like The Hulk. I've had outbreaks since I was big enough to throw a chair across a room. I have had serveral therapists giving me diffrent tips on how to control my actions, showing me images like this.
But, I've found that useless.

I'm tierd of me having to adapt to my souroundings. Instead of me somehow learning how to controll myself, why can't people just remember not to scream at me or blame me for asking "annoying or stupid" question. If they put in effort to try and remember my handicaps and learn on how to deal with people like me, then yes maybe I will put in the effort to try and learn on how to controll myself. "But you're the one who is sick, not they". I know I am the one who is sick, but unfourtunatly we live on this earth together, and so we have to adapt together. It shouldn't fall on a group of people to adapt for the majority to be happy. It like telling a guy in a wheelchair, "Hey you're gonna have to find a way up those stairs yourself, I'm not going to waste my energy on you". The people who are in wheelchairs shouldn't have to adapt to the world, that is in-human. Just as people are taught to aid a guy in a wheelchair, people should be taught on how to spot and deal with people like me and you to avoid the outbreak.

I guess it's up to the handicaped to adapt to the superior humans here on earth.
I just don't get it, or maybe it's just me I don't get.

@palerefraction Hi. Yes, I am sorry for calling her the B word, I didn't call here the W word atleast. It is indeed a fight of understanding eachother, and adapting. Yes, green case, but then I would start thinking that under this green plastic case there's another color, this case isn't the actuall color of the actuall phone. This is the kind of thinking I do everyday when I am forced to make decisions, I always find something about something that is wrong and it ruins it.

But thank you guys for replying, my mom actually came in here when I was reading your replies and said she was sorry, then she took my outside to show me the stars on the sky, there is this one that is SUPER bright and large compared to the other ones. It's all good now in the family, we are used to it I guess, I think we all feel good arguing from time to time, it clears the air. Life doesn't come as easy for everyone.

Aswell, if there is anything in this text that you might of found offensive please don't take it offensive, it is not my intention. Sometimes people go bannanas on me for saying something I think is perfectly acceptable.

sorry, I guess I don't know how you think. sometimes (soooooometines) spending the extra money on something that makes you feel good and happy is justifiable.
sometimes, it's not.
if you want, you can always message me

It is best for you to own your own feelings. Do not blame others for them. Of course, this should apply to others in the situation. They too, should own their own feelings.

I'm not sure how to say this but I'd never forget someone has a handicap if they can't control their anger. Being the recipient of such behavior is not easily forgotten.

It really is on you to manage how your handicap effects you emotionally. Consider that your parents aren't going to be around forever. They have to live with you . . . at least, for now. Someday there won't be anyone who has to live with you. If you don't want to end up isolated, you need to change how you act when you're upset. There is always going to be things to get upset about.

You sound pretty smart and able to logic things out. You've got to look at what your options are. Getting into a rage is definitely an option. But other people have options, too. They have the option of turning their backs on you. You can imagine how you would like people to react when you are upset. If they don't, they don't. You can feel that people aren't fair, but they may not care.

OK, at the risk of being the bad guy, I think there is something else going on here. You may have some legitimate mental health issues, and for that I can offer you heartfelt sympathy and loving encouragement.

On the other hand, these things don't make you totally dysfunctional. Your original post in this thread was organized, intelligent and well written. Yet you insist on wearing the "handicapped" label. You become distraught when people don't defer to you, and instead treat you much like any other human being. You want people to reinforce your own notion of worthlessness, as it in some way entitles you to some imaginary "privilege".

You used a guy in a wheelchair as an example, saying that the wheelchair was an obvious sign of his handicap, and that people made efforts to help him. But they don't help you. You were jealous of a guy in a wheelchair. I can tell you.... He would give up his wheelchair and any special assistance in a heartbeat, if he could.

On the other hand, you would probably hang a "Handicapped" sign around your neck if you could get away with it.

I apologize for not giving you much of the sympathy you were looking for here. That's because you were looking for it, and assuming some right to special accommodations. While you may very well have SOME issues, I suspect you are not really as dysfunctional as you would like people to believe. Your family seems to be taking the right approach, treating you like any other human being. You should thank God that they love you enough to tolerate your antics.

You can now teach yourself and everyone has to adapt to their surroundings not just you.

"You may have some legitimate mental health issues". No, I have legitimate mental health issues. I'm diagnosed and have been working with my dificulties since I was 13.

"You were jealous of a guy in a wheelchair". Really? Yes, sure I would rather be in a wheelchair with a healthy mind for the rest of my life and not have to tell/remind people that I'm handicapped everytime I meet them, but I was using the wheelchair guy as an example on how people seem to forget that being in a wheelchair isn't the only handicap. And I would give up all of my mental illnesess in a heart beat too, why wouldn't I? I just fear that my mental issues have set me back so far in life that I if I was to become normal again, it would be a long road to the top. Now I have help and funding from the state to survive, if I become normal and that is taken away, then I am forced to start climbing up the ladder again.

Yes, I would probably wear a shirt where it says what I suffer from, but you make it seem like I would hang a sign around my neck saying "Handicapped" because I love being hadicapped and I love the attention. I do like the attention, but to much attention can also cause me to panic and run infront of a buss. Much like in ground school when my tight pants split, everyone gathered around me and started taking pictures, I lost it and decided to try and run home wish was far away, instead I ended up lost, running around in the small town for hours with my pants split in half so everyone could see my butt. But who doesn't like attention? Especially a guy with Asperger Syndrome who can't go outside and get the attention natrually.

I estimate that 90% of threads posted on this forum are from people looking for sympathy, and people usally give it because they're nice, even if the person they are giving sympathy to might not have his/hers mind in the right place, it is clear that they are going through a tough time. With this thread I wanted to make a point that just because I do not sit in a wheelchair, it doesn't mean that I'm not handicapped and shouldn't be treated as such, and since people don't see my handicap they tend to forget it. Sure, it gets wierd and makes me look needy because I HAVE TO ask for people to treat me diffrently, unlike a guy in a wheel chair, I HAVE TO tell others that I suffer from mental illnesses and I can understand that it makes me sounds like I'm "bragging" about my issues, and that I use them as an excuse to get privilages.

Peter: Hey Oliver, why don't you have to account for you work infront of the whole class?
Oliver: I have Asperger Syndrome.
Peter: LOL that's a new one.

"I suspect you are not really as dysfunctional as you would like people to believe". I haven't made my mental health issues up, I don't have to make anyone believe that I am dysfunctional because it's right here in the papers as I have been diagnosed by doctors. Unfourtunatly I don't tend to carry these papers around to show and force people to read before interacting with me, instead I have to try and tell them.

Me, aswell as the guy in the wheelchair both want to be treated diffrently, because we are diffrent and we need to be treated diffrently in order to have a smooth and normal day, and that is not us thinking or wanting to believe that we are diffrent, we just are because of our handicaps. And honestly, sometimes I think that normal people get jeallous on me for being that special guy, no one wants to be like the majority, right? But they just "kinda" want to be special, they just don't want all the downsides that comes with being special. When they see that one guy sticking out of the crowd, they wish they could be him.

My family tolerates my antics because they have to but mostly because they love me, and while they do stuff for me I also do stuff for them, but trust me, they are not the only ones that have to tolerate stuff, I have to tolerate them too. I have fear of bacteria, and my mom sneezes about 100 time a day because of her allergies. My little sister has same mental diagnoses as I do and dad has ADHD. The point is, no one is perfect, but we all have to tolerate eachother. And no, you don't treat a handicapped guy like a regular guy. This is why handicapped people, including me have legal rights to get treated diffrently, and we can ask for "privileges".

I think, that many handicaped people, after a long while become attached to their handicaps and learn to like them. Even the guy in the wheelchair, when he is trying to get up some stairs, and a nice girl comes to help him, he must love that and after a while, you can't imagen youself without the handicap. Excluding the more severe handicaps like paralysis.

In your case, forget about thinking you are "Handicaped". Think of yourself as an Warrior, who is dedicated to his own Healing. You like to feel handicaped, because you fear you can't make it on your own, and fight your own battles.

I think Oliver's point about other's being educated about Autism and learning some of the general do's and don'ts of interacting with people with Autism is a good one, same goes for people with OCD, or any mental illness. When you're dealing with someone with chronic depression, why yell at them for saying something negative, it's just what they're going to do. If someone with ADHD doesn't listen to what you're saying, do you yell at them? Of course there are boundaries to be set in every relationship from acquaintance to friend, to lover, but I think not blaming people for something they're naturally prone to doing is a good start, especially if they're putting in the effort to manage their symptoms.

i understand far too well~ all you say is true to me, also. (hugs)

sometimes it helps me to just distract myself, looking at something interesting~



if you like that one, i have a lot more i'll share with you
Gus

Nice thread