[Yismymindblank12]

Have you been so emotionally exhausted to the point new and old forming and solid relationships are all lies and you just feel easier and more content to shove everyone so you have no one left.

I have alot, I hate me. I hate they never cared to try to understand. I'm sick of the deafening silence. It makes me angry when I'm stuck in quiet I have to make posts like this describing my experience then I may hit myself screaming at myself. Punching myself telling myself I'm nothing. That people leave me here because they never cared they never wanted me around. Rather doing something about it makes it all worse.

I got sick of eating like I want to eat, but anything makes me sick. I find it all repulsive. Rather it started from self control starvation and lots of exercise. Now I rather just starve myself to death because I am emotionally starved as much as my body will be.

Cuz I don't care. Everything good happens to others. I don't care anymore I didn't want to be someone's friend in my head if they're never mine. I play make believe to cope despite being called out weird because I am going crazy everyone is like a wall to a giant maze and no end in site. Rather my isolation is in public and in private rather I get angrier and act out more feeling teased to what I'll never achieve seeing everyone together. Yeah I can ask to join strangers but I don't have any feeling of comfort or good feelings around people.
So I'm locked in a confusing predicament.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

This sounds terrible, Y12, is there no one you can turn to at this difficult time?

[Yismymindblank12]

Not anymore... Therapy makes it worse. I just don't care. I feel I'm not getting anything out of any of this. I've lost hope. I just do anything till my body one day stops breathing.

Originally Posted by Yismymindblank12

Not anymore... Therapy makes it worse. I just don't care. I feel I'm not getting anything out of any of this. I've lost hope. I just do anything till my body one day stops breathing.

I empathize with you as I am in a similar state. I'm fed up - my entire life has consisted of doling out the care and concern and support to others and now that I need it they've all turned away. So I have given up - in fact i told my children I care not to see either of them ever again. Before Christmas everything was cool and then the floor dropped out from under me.

My therapy, btw, like yours, seems to have taken a destructive turn.

I don't have any answers for you because I'm looking for the same ones. I just that that may knowing that others have similar feelings mught help you at least in not feeling so alone, which does truly suck.

[Butternut]

What do you want out of this post?

I've been in a somewhat situation. My brother was the same way but he used drugs.

But I mean do you deeply want to feel this way?

And who In the world is making you feel this way? I mean sometimes our thoughts are repeats of other things people said in the past but were just saying it to ourselves now. But is it the people in your life? Or you?

[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by Butternut

What do you want out of this post?

I've been in a somewhat situation. My brother was the same way but he used drugs.

But I mean do you deeply want to feel this way?

And who In the world is making you feel this way? I mean sometimes our thoughts are repeats of other things people said in the past but were just saying it to ourselves now. But is it the people in your life? Or you?

I got what I want, I vented, so I don't negatively take it out on others outside. I'm just pointing out despite knowing it won't do anything. I'm tired of the people around me being so ******.

I need to effectively learn not to talk about much of anything, and keep a balance. Not open up too quickly not let my emotions spill and not let anyone get too close or else they'll hate me.

Everyone has before, my own mother ignores me because I'm too different or weird in her words.

I'm recognized for a lot of positive things in my life that's all I got other than that. I stopped caring anymore about anyone. I shouldn't care for friends gf anything, I don't have time and I don't like getting close to people. I'm more emotionally unavailable than my parents and friends. Their pretty bad in their own ways. No one understands me, I'm above their level of thinking and use of grammar. I hate it, I hate dumbing my words down for people who want to only talk about dumb ****.

Every girl I like pisses me off, because of ignorant stuff they do. I hate it when I am minding my own a girl is talking to me and makes all this commotion how she wants to talk to me, I ask her number and she's like I gotta bf, and I don't want to be your bf nor be with you other that I want to talk to you. Or, When girls expect me to be chivalrous because they demand it not that I want to do it and it's more rude on their end.

I'm not mean to girls, I just hate people who do stupid **** and expect me to enjoy it. I gotten so fed up for girls example, I said, "Open your own ****ing door, here's your equality quit *****ing at me." I said that to a coworker, and when another girl got annoyed I'm not oogling over her "beauty" everyone is wasting their time on her instagram or in person.

With guys it's even more annoying, like "I'm so cool cuz I drink and work out all the time to go to parties and sell drugs." like guys who brag and just go on about the same ol ****.

It's made me so hopeless, I hate people their stupid. Nothing wrong with superficial conversation, when you are disrespectful to me or I am to you, just expect push comes to shove. You can do something to me, I can do something to you. I won't hit you, I'll never hit anyone unless they are trying to harm me and hit me first. I hate people here they'll turn on a dime with their dumb junkie selfs strung out in my lobby at mcdonalds. Heroin is very horrible epidemic in my area. We have ods 10 a day in my neighborhood alone. 5 deaths every month, people are ignorant choose to rot themselves out to death.

It's disgusting. I hate people here, girls only want to cling onto men who don't care about them. Move on with having 5 kids and just choose to expect others to pick up after them when they made their own mistakes and choices excluding having kids, but you know my point.

A lot of young people only care about living young and being old too quickly and be boring or destroying their body till they go in a coma or something. You got so many extremes, then the people who have their life together are like me. They don't have time for anything.

I'm happy I do, I know their are nice girls out there and friends that are decent, but it's depressing and boring.

You stop caring because everyone else wants to self destruct around you.

So I'm not mean, I'm keeping a safe distance between me and them.

Read this thoroughly and if anything needs better interpretation tell me. I hope I didn't come off as sexist, because I'm not. Everyone does stupid ****, I get more annoyed with girls more, because a lot of girls do get their stuff together, but mentally they think the world revolves around them like other guys. It's not right or mindful, I jump on guys more who act like that especially my guy friends, but occasionally female friends too.
thank you

Originally Posted by Yismymindblank12

Not anymore... Therapy makes it worse. I just don't care. I feel I'm not getting anything out of any of this. I've lost hope. I just do anything till my body one day stops breathing.

I feel a lot of empathy for you and similar feelings myself. Not a nice way to be. I hope both of us find something more, there should be more for all who feel this way imo.

Originally Posted by Yismymindblank12

I got what I want, I vented, so I don't negatively take it out on others outside. I'm just pointing out despite knowing it won't do anything. I'm tired of the people around me being so ******.

I need to effectively learn not to talk about much of anything, and keep a balance. Not open up too quickly not let my emotions spill and not let anyone get too close or else they'll hate me.

Everyone has before, my own mother ignores me because I'm too different or weird in her words.

I'm recognized for a lot of positive things in my life that's all I got other than that. I stopped caring anymore about anyone. I shouldn't care for friends gf anything, I don't have time and I don't like getting close to people. I'm more emotionally unavailable than my parents and friends. Their pretty bad in their own ways. No one understands me, I'm above their level of thinking and use of grammar. I hate it, I hate dumbing my words down for people who want to only talk about dumb ****.

Every girl I like pisses me off, because of ignorant stuff they do. I hate it when I am minding my own a girl is talking to me and makes all this commotion how she wants to talk to me, I ask her number and she's like I gotta bf, and I don't want to be your bf nor be with you other that I want to talk to you. Or, When girls expect me to be chivalrous because they demand it not that I want to do it and it's more rude on their end.

I'm not mean to girls, I just hate people who do stupid **** and expect me to enjoy it. I gotten so fed up for girls example, I said, "Open your own ****ing door, here's your equality quit *****ing at me." I said that to a coworker, and when another girl got annoyed I'm not oogling over her "beauty" everyone is wasting their time on her instagram or in person.

With guys it's even more annoying, like "I'm so cool cuz I drink and work out all the time to go to parties and sell drugs." like guys who brag and just go on about the same ol ****.

It's made me so hopeless, I hate people their stupid. Nothing wrong with superficial conversation, when you are disrespectful to me or I am to you, just expect push comes to shove. You can do something to me, I can do something to you. I won't hit you, I'll never hit anyone unless they are trying to harm me and hit me first. I hate people here they'll turn on a dime with their dumb junkie selfs strung out in my lobby at mcdonalds. Heroin is very horrible epidemic in my area. We have ods 10 a day in my neighborhood alone. 5 deaths every month, people are ignorant choose to rot themselves out to death.

It's disgusting. I hate people here, girls only want to cling onto men who don't care about them. Move on with having 5 kids and just choose to expect others to pick up after them when they made their own mistakes and choices excluding having kids, but you know my point.

A lot of young people only care about living young and being old too quickly and be boring or destroying their body till they go in a coma or something. You got so many extremes, then the people who have their life together are like me. They don't have time for anything.

I'm happy I do, I know their are nice girls out there and friends that are decent, but it's depressing and boring.

You stop caring because everyone else wants to self destruct around you.

So I'm not mean, I'm keeping a safe distance between me and them.

Read this thoroughly and if anything needs better interpretation tell me. I hope I didn't come off as sexist, because I'm not. Everyone does stupid ****, I get more annoyed with girls more, because a lot of girls do get their stuff together, but mentally they think the world revolves around them like other guys. It's not right or mindful, I jump on guys more who act like that especially my guy friends, but occasionally female friends too.
thank you

Mothers, I THINK, based on my observations, can be incredible treasures and sources of strength or they can be cruel either from neglect or active abuse, any of the gamut therein. Here again, I feel what I imagine is your pain having had my own problems in that area only my mother is gone which means she can not directly hurt me but neither can she offer help, finally, maybe, perhaps -- where there's life isn't there hope, however remote? My mother and I never attained what I would have liked but I do feel like she mellowed and did not actively seek ways to hurt me.

Mothers aside, people in general can be incredibly selfish and thoughtless.

[RisuNeko]

Have you sought help? Especially for your eating issues? i know it's hard to want to do that, but eating disorders cause depression, and it sounds like you are depressed (I'm not saying you have an eating disorder, I'm just warning you). My best friend was anorexic and she went into a deep depression. When you don't eat your body can't make the chemicals that keep your mood up. I'm not saying "just eat" because I know that's not how it works, but I think you could use some professional help in this so you don't have to go it alone and you can really confide in someone in person.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Yismymindblank12

I got what I want, I vented, so I don't negatively take it out on others outside. I'm just pointing out despite knowing it won't do anything. I'm tired of the people around me being so ******.


I need to effectively learn not to talk about much of anything, and keep a balance. Not open up too quickly not let my emotions spill and not let anyone get too close or else they'll hate me.


Everyone has before, my own mother ignores me because I'm too different or weird in her words.


I'm recognized for a lot of positive things in my life that's all I got other than that. I stopped caring anymore about anyone. I shouldn't care for friends gf anything, I don't have time and I don't like getting close to people. I'm more emotionally unavailable than my parents and friends. Their pretty bad in their own ways. No one understands me, I'm above their level of thinking and use of grammar. I hate it, I hate dumbing my words down for people who want to only talk about dumb ****.


Every girl I like pisses me off, because of ignorant stuff they do. I hate it when I am minding my own a girl is talking to me and makes all this commotion how she wants to talk to me, I ask her number and she's like I gotta bf, and I don't want to be your bf nor be with you other that I want to talk to you. Or, When girls expect me to be chivalrous because they demand it not that I want to do it and it's more rude on their end.


I'm not mean to girls, I just hate people who do stupid **** and expect me to enjoy it. I gotten so fed up for girls example, I said, "Open your own ****ing door, here's your equality quit *****ing at me." I said that to a coworker, and when another girl got annoyed I'm not oogling over her "beauty" everyone is wasting their time on her instagram or in person.


With guys it's even more annoying, like "I'm so cool cuz I drink and work out all the time to go to parties and sell drugs." like guys who brag and just go on about the same ol ****.


It's made me so hopeless, I hate people their stupid. Nothing wrong with superficial conversation, when you are disrespectful to me or I am to you, just expect push comes to shove. You can do something to me, I can do something to you. I won't hit you, I'll never hit anyone unless they are trying to harm me and hit me first. I hate people here they'll turn on a dime with their dumb junkie selfs strung out in my lobby at mcdonalds. Heroin is very horrible epidemic in my area. We have ods 10 a day in my neighborhood alone. 5 deaths every month, people are ignorant choose to rot themselves out to death.


It's disgusting. I hate people here, girls only want to cling onto men who don't care about them. Move on with having 5 kids and just choose to expect others to pick up after them when they made their own mistakes and choices excluding having kids, but you know my point.


A lot of young people only care about living young and being old too quickly and be boring or destroying their body till they go in a coma or something. You got so many extremes, then the people who have their life together are like me. They don't have time for anything.


I'm happy I do, I know their are nice girls out there and friends that are decent, but it's depressing and boring.


You stop caring because everyone else wants to self destruct around you.


So I'm not mean, I'm keeping a safe distance between me and them.


Read this thoroughly and if anything needs better interpretation tell me. I hope I didn't come off as sexist, because I'm not. Everyone does stupid ****, I get more annoyed with girls more, because a lot of girls do get their stuff together, but mentally they think the world revolves around them like other guys. It's not right or mindful, I jump on guys more who act like that especially my guy friends, but occasionally female friends too.

thank you

What circles are you mingling? Most people I know aren't dumb at all! How old are you? Where you find all these people?

Also cussing at coworker is not a good idea, could cause you problems. I agree drugs is a big problem but there is no need to spend time with drug addicts.

What type of job do you do?

Most people are nice and intelligent. I would like to know where are you finding these people? School? Work?

Maybe you could look for hobbies where you can find nicer folks

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by divine1966

What circles are you mingling? Most people I know aren't dumb at all! How old are you? Where you find all these people?

Also cussing at coworker is not a good idea, could cause you problems. I agree drugs is a big problem but there is no need to spend time with drug addicts.

What type of job do you do?

Most people are nice and intelligent. I would like to know where are you finding these people? School? Work?

Maybe you could look for hobbies where you can find nicer folks

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Work and college students I used to chill with and friends of friends. All are entirely groups of people other than being smokers of something or not. Idk tbh how there are so many like that. I'm in a run down suburban trashy neighborhood mixed with the old nice neighborhood outside of Cincinnati.
Kat Williams isn't lying about Cincinnati people are gross in there own way. Not all but the many who are act like they are proud in a odd way that just seems more degrading.

I've lived my while life never far from drugs of anything. My dad doesn't drink and I don't mind marijuana, but people outside of my family that idk do meth coke or now heroin. A lot of people talk about drugs in KY where I'm at not so much at hookah. I am going to work at a hookah bar, but I don't appreciate how people think here compared to other states of the united states I've been to.
Its so weird hearing negative stories from where I'm from whether its gang violence drug, alcohol problems, school systems corruption and or police brutality, which all these stories are in every city but
What bugs me is when they are like, "people in Cincinnati nky and east Indiana are so conservative or liberal and say things that are true but shed light. That how people here are ignorant to everything except drugs. Only care about themselves in the sense they go out being racist towards anyone. That we will kick homeless out in the cold and let them die and piss all our taxes on stupid failed transportation and commercial plans."

See all of it is true in some sense. Like people are crybabies and if you're different from them they treat you worse than dirt. It's hard to explain since you're not from here. We apparently my friend was jury duty to the 2nd biggest drug bust in American history in my city of course a county away but still.

It's not all bad, but we are very closed minded culturally. Rather in the most uncomfortable way, I've been baffled to see how a mother beheads a 3 month year old because this grown woman had a temper tantrum. No joke this was on the news last week. This city out of every city I've been too is the most depressing and statistically look this up our job market sucks. We only have 4 types of jobs really, warehouse retail office clerical and everything that's high paying.
Its weird ill look more stuff up to back up how crappy it is here. That transgender teen leelah Alcorn who killed herself on I71 N. Was from south Lebanon not far from where I used to live. I'm saying if you seen that story about her suicide on the national news on MSNBC or fox etc. You'll know about our city's mindest on homosexuality and how ignorant we are on race, sex equality, mental health, racial issues. Our justice system is by far the worst in outside city limits in Ohio and police brutality is very common.

I've seen this stuff all the time you get used to it. It's like you have clean happy people who are deluded in the head about the world and these adults are very sheltered and ignorant then you got the other extreme of people self destruct their lives being so depressed they end up dying from something tragic. Like my friend Jayden wanted to do heroin and he had it before a couple times and he needs to stop I can't stand seeing people die from drugs and it makes me sick how dissociated we are even if it happens in front of us how cruel people can be here because they only care about themselves or don't want to look bad or feel like prayer will help in an immediate Crysis.

Sorry I get triggered by people say the most outlandish things and how I can't recognize how they compose this stuff.

I think I'm off topic. I don't know it's hard for me to figure out who I want in my life. I'm very tired work kicked my ***.

[Yismymindblank12]

Yes they are and I'm nit in those places often. I lack transportation or networking of people there now. I really can't grasp my situation its so unique and horrible that I really don't care.

I'm just doing me its all I can do.

[Yismymindblank12]

Mine, are friends coworkers and family but I don't see my friends often ever anymore maybe once a month or less. This whole thing is like if you see from my eyes you know what I'm trying to comprehend.