[palerefraction]

apologies in advance for typos and unexpected period placements, I'm typing on my phone.

if I'm being honest I'm so upset and frazzled right. now I don't know where to start. I guess I'll start with me.

I struggled with my self confidence and depression in middle school. I didn't ask for help until my sophomore year in high school. I sent a text to both my parents, asking to see a doctor, I needed to do something about my depression.

Possible trigger:

at the time I was sitting on train tracks contemplating my end

they dismissed it, and dismissed me entirely. I asked again and again for the next two years to no avail. my parents have since divorced, I'm now a legal adult.

I got a job and moved in with my ever so patient boyfriend. things got bad enough where I decided I needed external help still, that just because I am living. doesn't mean I'm doing a good job.

so off I went to a pdoc and he gave me some bs diagnosis of ' general mood disorder ' which I've never even heard of.

anyway, my brother has lately been struggling a lot in school which is highly unusual. he doesn't do homework, doesn't go to school, angry outbursts, saying he wants to hurt himself etc.

I told my mother he NEEDS to get help. she finally, very reluctantly, agreed and she took him to the docs. they decided it was depression and put him on zoloft, which my mother has remarked a noticeable difference in his attitude and energy levels. his school effort has seen no change and she thinks he has ADD. I doubt this greatly.

she is now rushing him into the doctors and making sure he gets what he needs to help him succeed.

I am very bitter. very mad. jealous. hurt. he is my brother and she's my mom, I don't want to feel this way about either of them (mostly her, but I can't help but be jealous of him). I am so distraught.

my mother doesn't know about half the turmoil I go through and I'm afraid if I tell her then she will think it's all her fault.

guh. I'm exasperated.

thanks for reading, I didn't know this was gonna be my whole family history in a post

[davidshq]

Are you an oldest child? I am and I know that my parents made a lot of mistakes with me they learned from with my younger siblings. It still doesn't feel fair and it still sucks they didn't do differently with me, but I find some comfort in thinking that my parents learned from their mistakes.

I'm really glad you encouraged your mom to get your brother help! That was really great of you!

[palerefraction]

I am, but it's not like she didn't know :/

[striking]

Sounds like they were too involved by their own dysfunctional relationship and failed to do right by you. Your mom finally heard you and helped your brother. My guess would be that she feels guilty about her failure with you and is now overcompensating.

I wouldn't feel guilty - its only natural to notice the difference in how you were treated as opposed to your brother. I'm a firm believer in communication and truth because the lack of it just eventually leads to a pile of crap no one can sort out. If I were you I would ask your mom, try to bring it up in a non-confontrational way and see where it goes. She should be open to talking with you about it. I guess I could stand as an example of what happens without communication but a lot of it was because my mother would never admit there was a difference in how she felt toward her children. My brother could do no wrong whereas i could do no right. i wish she was here to get answers because they keep building in my head - I can't get answers from her because she's dead so I need to find them somewhere else just not sure where. Carpe Diem, seize the day, nothing is ever gained by lack of communication especially when its someone who it stands to reason it is their responsibility to connect with you. you have a right to answers. of course, like my mom, you can't force her to talk if she won't. But maybe that won't be the case. Take the first, easiest, most uncomplicated way toward a solution maybe you won't ever have to get to the hard solutions.

[jmc91477]

I feel like I am doing what your parents did to you with my own children. Dealing with marriage issues consumed a lot of time with arguments and I am suddenly trying to overcompensate for the past... NOT WORKING ANYWAY! They don't respect me and I will never be able to tell them how sorry I am but I am actually doing worse by trying to make everything all better. Mostly because I have already screwed their lives up -- which means I am only trying to make myself feel better for what I've done wrong. MAYBE, your mom is also feeling bad because of your situation and now she's trying to go above and beyond. It will never take away your hurt unless she talks to YOU about it!

[Babymonster]

I have some of the same issues that I'm thing to work through now. There is a lot of resentment on my part that I didnt feel like I was "allowed" to have so I kept it to myself. You know what it sucks and I'm glad you are able to recognize how this affects you.

Also kudos to you for helping your brother. Even though you might feel jealous of him (and that's normal) you were still his biggest advocate when he needed you

[Butternut]

You'll be alright, time will pass. I would be honest with your brother. and no one likes to be told what to do, espicially a child to a parent. I fought with my mother left and foot with her and how she raised my brothers and nothing stopped her but my dad (that even took forever)

Show your brother that you care and when he gets older, he'll be going to you for advice, not your mom. Be sincere and you'll be just fine.

[indigo1015]

I know how you feel-- I am also the oldest child and my parents made a lot of mistakes with me that they seem to have avoided more carefully ith my younger sister. It's frustrating and hurtful and infuriating, and yes my parents probably would have known better had they thought things through, but they didn't. The important thing is to stop caring about how badly they messed up (or continue to mess up) and to think about the person in this situation who is most relevent... you. Tough advice to follow, I need to do a better job myself :-P Also something to think about-- regarding what you may see as preferential treatment toward your brother: although it may be just that, I am reminded of a quote that made me look at my parents' relationship with my vs my sis in a new light: "Fairness is not about giving everyone the same thing, but about giving each person what they need." Just something to think about. Have a nice day :-)

[avlady]

indigo i liked your saying. i am the 2nd eldest of 11 kids, parents made the mistakes with the older kids, and changed after the younger clan was born. i can see a big difference in how we were treated as compared to the older clan. well i got over it i had to forgive, i even had a sister that hung herself, that was how bad it was living in a poor family with tons of kids who didn't get their needs met. all i can stress is forgiveness and you'll be so content once you do forgive- good luck