[connect.the.stars]

Sorry. Disregard this.

[connect.the.stars]

Feels guilty. Like I am seeking attention.

Sorry if I make no sense.

Please call me out if I am doing wrong.

[Frankbtl]

Hi connect.the.stars, everyone is entitled not to be strong at times. In fact it's all part of being human, no-one can be strong all the time
And your feelings matter just as much as anyone else's.
But hey, if nothing else just remember that we're here for you, we care, and it's not about seeking attention. So if you want to talk anytime.............

Alison

[connect.the.stars]

Thank you Alison. Having a bad day.

[Frankbtl]

Originally Posted by connect.the.stars

Thank you Alison. Having a bad day.

Hi connect.the.stars, I'm sorry
I could say something like today is ONE day, there are so many more and there HAVE to be better days in amongst them to look forward to,
OR is there anything you could do to try to make it just a little better e.g. treat yourself, do something you find enjoyable or relaxing or an escape, try to take some time out........??

But I know in some circumstances that might sound pretty/VERY "hollow"/way off the mark, so if you want to talk a bit more........I'm here............

OR, if it's too hard to talk........I can send you hugs:
Not much I know, but...........

So either way, thoughts are with you, and right here for you if you want/need a bit of support.........if you want to talk.............



Alison

[connect.the.stars]

Just feeling like a failure. Lonely. No support. But people are there. I just choose not to ask. Kind of stupid. I know these thoughts are wrong. I know what I should do. I just keep making the same mistakes.

I'm tired of putting up with myself and my own attitude.

[Frankbtl]

Hi connect.the.stars,
"Just feeling like a failure. Lonely. No support. But people are there. I just choose not to ask. Kind of stupid"
No, not kind of stupid
Sometimes feelings/thoughts like that leave you kind of "speechless", afterall the "facts" are the "facts"........where do you begin, how can words really match what you're feeling/can they really "get it", what can people say maybe they can give you "platitudes" or maybe they'll say the obvious which you know might ("or might not be") true but you can't feel it.........those kind of things. But it's not stupid, and you know that
The thing is though that sometimes reality is outside of those feelings which can be so hard to get away from, and you're not a failure, you really aren't!! That's clear "just" from your posts/threads, however hard you're finding things.

And loneliness...........well maybe if you can find a way to reach out just a little more?? Maybe if you can find that "door" to open up to people out there (just like you do on here)??
Not easy I know, so it's not your attitude, it's just not easy, but if............hopefully there are people out there who can support you or be around for you, as well as us!!!

And the mistakes you keep making.....are they really mistakes, are they human error, are they understandable considering........., are they effects of........, can you step by step learn from them, are they part of the journey towards not making them, can some more support help you make them less...........??? Sometimes all we see are "mistakes" but sometimes either they aren't so much, or the journey doesn't need to stop there

And.........."I'm tired of putting up with myself and my own attitude"..........maybe not seeing yourself the way we do, and a bit more self-compassion??? Maybe that's the here and now you're experiencing.........but there IS a whole lot more to/about you than you're thinking??? Maybe (maybe definitely!!) with support you can move past this feeling???
Because you know, it is understandable how it can seem so hard for you, but you are worth way more than the feelings you're feeling.........and letting them out, keeping reaching for support may help with that.



Alison

[connect.the.stars]

I don't know how you do it. You manage to stay positive for everyone. And write things that take a lot of time. And I know you put in a lot effort.

I wish I could do that too.

I feel like I push people away when they try to ask. Then when they don't ask, I feel lonely. This is the mistake I make. And it makes me negative. It makes it hard for me to stay positive for other people. When all I feel is selfishness for wanting something that I keep denying myself anyway (if that even makes sense).

That's why I feel stupid. I feel like a failure when I admit I know exactly what I am doing wrong, yet I still do it anyway.

[Frankbtl]

Hi connect.the.stars,
"................I wish I could do that too"
Hey, what you're doing on here..........managing to talk about things that hurt, allowing yourself to be vulnerable has to take a whole lot more to do than that, so no selling yourself short, hey??!!!!
And IRL.......guessing from what you say on here.........you have plenty of good attributes!!!!!
But.........the first part of your message.........seriously means a lot, thank you!!!!

I feel like I push people away when they try to ask. Then when they don't ask, I feel lonely. This is the mistake I make. And it makes me negative. It makes it hard for me to stay positive for other people. When all I feel is selfishness for wanting something that I keep denying myself anyway (if that even makes sense).

That's why I feel stupid. I feel like a failure when I admit I know exactly what I am doing wrong, yet I still do it anyway.

Hey, it can be real hard to let down those barriers and open up to people, especially when you've been deterred from doing that in the past or/and not been really listened to.......which has been kind of how it's been for you at times, right??
So when you say you push people away I wouldn't really class those times as a mistake.......more as understandable natural instincts that kick in based on your experiences, the expectations you feel are placed on you, and e.g. fear/hesitancy/unfamiliarity..........of letting out your feelings. So you're not stupid, you're not a failure, alright??!!! It can just sometimes take real hard effort and time to break away from those natural instincts you have.
But it so isn't selfishness to want to be heard, to want someone to help you to talk, to want someone to bridge that gap/to reach out, to want support, to want things to be about you sometimes............it's completely "normal", to want those things
So less about you trying to stay positive for other people all the time, OK??!! You have needs too.
Maybe there's one person in your life for now who you could really focus on trying to make that/some sort of stronger connection with, or sharing a just a bit more with???
Or maybe identifying some things you do to push people away, and work on modifying them just a bit and then a bit more......step by step??? For example if you say "I'm fine" when you're not, maybe try changing that to "Could be worse", if you change the subject or walk away if people are getting a bit "close" try to stay or stay on topic just a tiny bit longer, if you avoid telling them something maybe change that to "I'll tell you later".........
So yes, it might not be possible for you to open up at the time........but you will be working on getting that little bit closer to doing so for another time.
Or of course, you might be able to write down how you've been feeling for someone........it can sometimes be easier to do that than tell them face-to-face.
But whatever you're thinking now...........what is non-negotiable is: You're NOT stupid, you're NOT a failure!!

Alison

Hey Connect.the.stars, I have similar feelings too, find it hard to open up to others. Behavioural patterns are hard to break.

Baby steps are how I'm doing it, like Alison suggests, just opening up a little maybe with one person. It's hard, but I think the rewards will be worth it. You are not a failure, no more than I am, we're just struggling a little with this but we can get better.

[connect.the.stars]

I do talk to people. Lots people tell me its ok to talk to them. I am complaining about nothing.

[Frankbtl]

Hi connect.the.stars,

"I do talk to people. Lots people tell me its ok to talk to them"
Hey, if that's the case, that's good!!! Really good!!!
Just sometimes it can be easier/harder, than others, right??
So.........

"I am complaining about nothing"
You were having a hard time, sometimes you need to "just say it"/just let it out........it's not complaining as far as I'm concerned. Sure things might look completely different "tomorrow" but that doesn't always help with the "today" and it's how you feel at the time that matters. It's not "nothing"

So, really glad you're feeling better
But if ever somethings bothering you..........or you want to talk more.........no holding back, OK??!!



Alison

[possum220]

Hi connect the stars.

I think I felt like you. Feeling guilty because I wanted to be heard. You are allowed to ask for attention. If you saw a child with a bruised and bleeding knee would you not sit them down and try to help? Just because our emotional pain is on the inside doesn't make it any less deserving of attention. You are allowed to talk here. The walls don't have ears.

Life is hard enough without having to squash it down all the time. Squashing is very hard, tiring work.

Feel free to talk when you are ready.

[Fuzzybear]