[Wonderfulness]

I just read up about Factitious Disorders and I'm confused.
A test I did (with a professional) when I was younger stated that I was highly anxious. I do feel like people are judging me sometimes, I'm usually scared/worried about something, and there are many opportunities that I missed because fear. It's hard for me to talk to people — this doesn't make sense to me, but it's how it's always been.
Physically (sometimes): hyperventilation, this buzzing feeling in my chest, and on occasion, a sense of detachment from my body, like I'm only an observer inside my body— my body is just a shell around me and I can't really feel anything.
There are also times when I get compulsive and repeatedly check to see if something's been done properly (though it's not major).
I like having answers, and not having a solid 100% accurate one make me nervous sometimes. E.g, I've always been good in math (not trying to boast here) but when asked to explain, I get nervous because — what if I get it wrong this time? I pass by cops and get all twitchy too, even though I've never done anything illegal in my life. Sometimes I even doubt my own sexual orientation.
I do feel fat sometimes even though I'm underweight, and a situation with a friend caused me to lose my appetite — situational depression, the counselor said.

But sometimes it feel like I'm exaggerating and acting. Like, I'm sad about stuff, but not as sad as I claim. Sometimes my actions is so people might take notice and ask what's wrong. I don't exactly want pity, but sometimes I just want to know people care, because it feels like people hate me sometimes. I talk to people a lot about me too, and what I'm feeling. I've been to counselors and at some point, I wonder just how bad I'm trying to make it sound, because sometimes, I take a step back, and it doesn't even feel THAT bad, why am I even going to see someone about it? Lots of people have been through worst, and not a lot are very keen to talk about it. How do I know what I feel is real?

[CANDC]

Hi wonderfulness. Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry you are suffering from multiple challenges. I find my own emotions are like clouds, they appear, morph and disappear. I cannot be sure my emotions are real. The thoughts in my head appear and disappear. I do find that as I become aware of this moment that I am more keenly aware of myself as the observer or witness to what is happening.

Besides being an active participant in helping oneself at Psych Cental, many people also help support each other by replying to other people's posts. Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems are more manageable the more they help others.

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[Sevensong]

Originally Posted by Wonderfulness

I just read up about Factitious Disorders and I'm confused.
A test I did (with a professional) when I was younger stated that I was highly anxious. I do feel like people are judging me sometimes, I'm usually scared/worried about something, and there are many opportunities that I missed because fear. It's hard for me to talk to people — this doesn't make sense to me, but it's how it's always been.
Physically (sometimes): hyperventilation, this buzzing feeling in my chest, and on occasion, a sense of detachment from my body, like I'm only an observer inside my body— my body is just a shell around me and I can't really feel anything.
There are also times when I get compulsive and repeatedly check to see if something's been done properly (though it's not major).
I like having answers, and not having a solid 100% accurate one make me nervous sometimes. E.g, I've always been good in math (not trying to boast here) but when asked to explain, I get nervous because — what if I get it wrong this time? I pass by cops and get all twitchy too, even though I've never done anything illegal in my life. Sometimes I even doubt my own sexual orientation.
I do feel fat sometimes even though I'm underweight, and a situation with a friend caused me to lose my appetite — situational depression, the counselor said.

But sometimes it feel like I'm exaggerating and acting. Like, I'm sad about stuff, but not as sad as I claim. Sometimes my actions is so people might take notice and ask what's wrong. I don't exactly want pity, but sometimes I just want to know people care, because it feels like people hate me sometimes. I talk to people a lot about me too, and what I'm feeling. I've been to counselors and at some point, I wonder just how bad I'm trying to make it sound, because sometimes, I take a step back, and it doesn't even feel THAT bad, why am I even going to see someone about it? Lots of people have been through worst, and not a lot are very keen to talk about it. How do I know what I feel is real?

I can relate to much of what you said, especially that last paragraph. Honestly, I think it's because I was really neglected and isolated as a child. I was also often contradicted and had my feelings/perspective challenged and invalidated all the time. Growing up in an indifferent, hostile environment kind of predisposes kids to say they're suffering/struggling worse than they are, just so someone will care and treat them like a real, worthy human being. If gushing blood is the only way to get anybody to pay attention to them, they'll come up with gushing blood so they can feel someone cares, even for the short time they have someone around to listen and treat them nicely for once. And since they seldom actually get enough in those short little periods, there's always more blood. Unfortunately, these habits don't easily vanish when one becomes an adult. We tend to remain in situations/relationships where people only care if we're dying. What we really need to do is find different people, not a new wound every day. But that's easier said than done.

[robcalher]

I also wonder about my self. Who knows maybe it's our anxiety. I always take tests and look things up to make sure things are what they are. Sometimes I feel like I'm exaggerating, but am I really? I can say my first suicide attempt was a cry for help. But many suicide attempts are, does that really mean we are not really depressed. If we weren't really depressed would we be even crying for help? I may feel better for an hour or so and doubt I'm really depressed. Then there's a trigger and it comes back full swing. I might feel relaxed for a short time on very rare occasions or after I take me meds and then feel like I've been blowing things out of proportion. Then I wake up the next morning throwing up because I get an anxiety attack from knowing I have to deal with another day and that it is all real. I sometimes doubt if I have ADHD or if it's just a lack of discipline. As that's what I often hear from family or people without ADHD. I may not be moving around and rambling on, as those symptoms of ADHD, but I would like to. But I don't do it for fear of being judged. Anxiety. But my mind doesn't stop. I notice I'll check something over and over because I'm not really paying attention when I do something so I don't remember. I think a lot of it has to do with self doubt and low self esteem. We question our own doubts and thoughts. Which ARE real. I question about if I'm overexaggerating to my therapist, but then again I was raised not to talk about my feelings and that could be why it all feels wrong. It seems like me seeking mental help is wrong because that's what I was taught. To "never ask for help or accept help." Maybe we do overexxagerate because we do wanna be heard or feel like someone cares because we are lonely. Maybe I just feel like I'm exaggerating or feel guilty about talking because I was raised to not have feelings or to show them. Or maybe it's because we were taught that having mental illness means we are weak. It's all so complicated. Like trying to put together a big puzzle that's constantly changing and that will last for years. Or never even get solved. I find my self rambling on here sometimes as this is the only place I'm actually open and do not fear being judged as there are many people here with similar problems. When I doubt my feelings I'm usually reminded later that they are real. Who's to say if what your feeling is real or not real. You must be having some issues to even make things up if that's what you're even doing. I'm confused about many things as I think many of us on here are. I do know that this is a good forum and you can vent your feelings here and help other in the process. Not to mention learn a lot. I hope you can get things figured out.

[Heather Unbalanced]

Im not sure if this will be a helpful response or not but it reminded me of me and Ill tell you how. I get over things very quickly, however, they resurface over time, and then I get over them. If i feel badly for what ever reason, personal or with a relationship, Ill blow up, then a few minutes or whatever later, im over it and almost sick of the subject until i get upset again about it. Does that sound like how you feel or no?

[avlady]

i think if you think you have a problem, you probably do, you just need to be diagnosed. there must be something you're going through to make you think so. people are here to help and i hope you get alot from here people really do care and relate, i'm sure you'll connect.welcome and good luck!!

[festidump]

Originally Posted by Wonderfulness

But sometimes it feel like I'm exaggerating and acting. Like, I'm sad about stuff, but not as sad as I claim. Sometimes my actions is so people might take notice and ask what's wrong. I don't exactly want pity, but sometimes I just want to know people care, because it feels like people hate me sometimes. I talk to people a lot about me too, and what I'm feeling. I've been to counselors and at some point, I wonder just how bad I'm trying to make it sound, because sometimes, I take a step back, and it doesn't even feel THAT bad, why am I even going to see someone about it? Lots of people have been through worst, and not a lot are very keen to talk about it. How do I know what I feel is real?

I´ve felt this too. I still don´t know what is real. Just wanted you to know you aren´t alone in that feeling,. I was first diagnosed with depression at 16 but stopped receiving treatment a few years later and twenty odd years after that I´m realising it never went away, I just ignored it. I´ve spent years wondering if what I have felt has been real and I still have no clue. The only conclusion I have reached is if I felt it, it was real for me and I have to accept that the feeling was real and try and deal with it. Does that even make sense?

[robcalher]

Yes it makes sense.

[Lildevil262626]

I get it. I think. I am anxious. I know this. But I've been told I 'look for reasons' to worry. Which, may be true. I've been to therapy and I can say that after every session I find myself asking why I'm going in the first place. What am I even crying about? But then I go home and get really sad, but I almost feel as if I'm putting myself there without any real reason. Yes I've had childhood trauma and it wasn't all sunshine and flowers, but I can't help but feel like I just want attention. But in private I will still get to really low points...it doesn't feel justified I guess. I don't know. I don't know how full of **** I am.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[robcalher]

I get confused tooLildevil262626. Especially when one day goes ok then the next day goes to s*** for no reason. I think we try to make justifications as to why we shouldn't feel down if we were brought up to suppress those and any feelings.

[Ruftin]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central Wonderfulness!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator by left clicking on their name in blue to the left of their post if you need help navigating the forums. It will take some time for your first five posts to appear as they are being evaluated and then you will be able to join chats.

I'm sorry for your struggles. You'll find we have a safe and supportive community. I'm glad you've joined us.

I look forward to seeing you around!!!

[Magora]

A lot of the time I find I am more agitated/panicked/excited in the heat of the moment - than I am when I get a chance to look back on it. Seems like a fairly regular response, actually. It can fool me, too, sometimes. But then I go over it more and the circumstances tend to justify the intensity of the emotions involved when I'm really honest with myself.

[Camperniki]

I know just what you mean. There are some days where I say things I'm not sure I mean andsounds worse than I feel. And there are some days where i just feel so disconnected that nothing I do or say or touch feels real to me