Death in the Family

I didn't want to just straight-up trigger the hell outta anyone browsing the forums who has an issue with this particular topic, which is actually: Scared of losing Father

Not sure if this falls under OCD, anxiety, or something else; perhaps it's all of them. I've always feared it, so much that my OCD used to be really bad in such a way that I had to do things for fear he'd... well, you get the idea. Don't even want to say it. (OCD)

Anywho, many years have passed. I'm now 29 years old! My dad's nearing 60 and I'm just utterly crapping myself. What if? I couldn't cope. I need my dad, as weak as that maybe sounds to some people. He's a lot to me. When everything is said, done, and counted, weighted, and summed up, it comes down to one thing: it's my dad and I and has been since my world got flipped, turned upside side thanks to my bammy mother, at 12-13 years old.

How the hell am I going to cope? Something I've spent the good majority of my life dreading and—I guess—obsessing over. I know me. I've thought about this so, so much it's unhealthy. The reality is, I'd drop seriously low. I'd feel immensely guilty as I usually do when crap happens, but nothing like the guilt of THAT. My OCD would likely make me think that IT happened because of me, because of me not doing this, that, and whatever else. I'd be MY fault. How the hell do I cope with that? How I do reason with that? I'd feel extremely guilty for everything I hadn't said, or done, or things I had said or done. It's crossed my mind that I need some sort of plan whereby I just straight-up book myself into some sort of 'accommodation', if you get my meaning. I'm by no means suicidal or anything—life is worth living, despite the crap—but I fear for myself at that time, and, to be quite honest, I bet my dad worries about it, too. (he knows my history)

Just really worries me.

My OCD is making me anxious, thinking that I'm jynxing it or something, that my posting this thread is ... blah-blah-blah. Trying to reason with 'it'.

The bright side, if you can EVEN say that, is that my step-mother would likely not just bugger off, and I think we'd be able to sort of talk about it or something. My dad would want me to make sure she's OK and everything. See, I shouldn't even be thinking this crap. This is what my mind has me thinking; it's horrible.

Is this something I should talk to my support worker about and see if there's something that can be set in place in that event, or am I just being stupid?

No you aren't stupid. I feel like this very often. I am mortified of even a possibility of losing my
Mother and brother. And then I have a daughter and I am not even going there....I am now in a relationship with a nice man and am mortified of losing him. Then I also miss my late grandparents and feel guilty i didn't spend enough time with them ( which isn't even accurate because I did spent a lot of time)

I think it is a bit of OCD and anxiety. Yes talking to someone will help. So please do. But know you aren't stupid at all and many people feel similar to you

hugs

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I don't think you're being stupid at all. Shortly after my best friend passed away in 1986, my father was diagnosed with lung cancer. Like you, my dad was my rock through thick and thin (mom hated me). It was bad enough I'd just lost my best friend, who was more like a twin sister - from toddlers through adulthood. I was a single mother at the time, and the thought of losing my father was completely overwhelming to me.

Around that time, the song "The Living Years" (Mike and the Mechanics) came out. The first lines were "I wasn't there that morning when my father passed away. I didn't get to tell him all the things I had to say." While driving to work it would often come on the radio, and I'd quickly change the station before bursting out in tears.

Rather than converse, I decided to write my dad a letter of thanks for being such a great father. He never coddled me, but he cared deeply and was there for me in times of need. When his needs outweighed mine, I was there for him - but my obligations in life would not allow me to continually be at his side

As his condition worsened, I offered to take off work and stay - but he insisted I keep my job. Sure enough, the next day while at work I got the call from his neighbor telling me to go to the house because his condition had worsened. By the time I got there, he was gone. At first I thought he was resting comfortably, but then I noticed his oxygen mask was off and his chest was not moving.

My mother died eight days later, complications due to amyloidosis. I was diagnosed with amyloidosis five years later.

It crushed me to know I could not save my father and was not there when he died.

However, there is one thing I know for sure. The love you share with your father will never die, and not even death can break that bond.

I feel the same way about my son. I know he's deeply concerned about losing me and feels pressured to be there for me. But the truth is he'll never be able to save/cure me, and it's not necessary for him to be at my side. If he's at work or just out having fun when my time comes, that's FINE. That's how it's supposed to be.

With all that being said, I know it's going to continue to bother you as it did me. I tried my best to prepare, but it still came as a huge blow when it happened.

Try not to stress yourself out too much over this. Instead, cherish the time you have together while he's still on this earth.

If you're curious about the song "The Living Years," I'll post it in the music forum in my thread entitled "Dance with My Father." If not, I'll completely understand.

It sounds like you and your dad have a good relationship, and if your mother wasn't there it's understandable that the bond has been very important to you.

I think the suggestion of talking to your dad and making sure you say the things you mean to him is an excellent one. Although hopefully you will have many years together it's never too early to say the important stuff.

My husband is older than me and the prospect of losing him has been an issue for me, the fact is I'm likely to have a lengthier widowhood than most. I have at times fretted over this, because I love him dearly, but I know I will have to face life without him at some stage in all likelihood.

Here's a couple of things I've done to prepare/cope:

I tell him the important stuff, about how much I love him now - I tell him I love him every day. I do not want to have regrets.

Over the years I have built and developed other important friendships and relationships in my life. It's a tough call to be 'everything' in a persons life, and not fair on them - me building other relationships has taken the pressure off him somewhat. I'd encourage you to also build and develop other important bonds in your life too, those people will be both a support and a reason to go on should you face the loss of your dad.

It sounds like you and your dad have a good relationship, and if your mother wasn't there it's understandable. so i think that for mental strong you have to do yoga .it increases stablity in mind.