I'm dying and want to grieve with my family

I just joined today and have to post 5 times before I can reply to private messages. So here is #2

I have stage 4 lung cancer and my adult children, who have moved back in with me, don't "get it". I try and tell them what I need mentally, emotionally, and physically but they are still "kids" even at 25,27, 28. I have a fantasy of leaving "this place" without regrets and unfinished business. I don't want things left unsaid and such but I think, for now anyway, this is just a fantasy because everyone is dealing with the grieving process on their own which is all over the place. I feel sooo alone fighting this evil battle and am only taking treatments because I know my adult children still need a Mother. They lost their Dad 16 yrs ago to cancer and I'm all they have left...which is unknown how long that will be since the cancer hasn't responded to treatments. It just continues to get bigger and badder with each PET scan I have.

You "Kids" are still immature in their ways. You can not change that. They do not need a Mother anymore. Now it is time to care for yourself, full time. Find a support group for yourself. You already have my support, and you can PM when you can. Others here can also be supportive here as well.

I believe Thunder Bow is right.
You should start taking care of yourself.
When I was their ages I was still immature. I didn't mean any harm, but I was still wrapped up in my own world.
Your physical condition is so hard to address; I haven't known anyone in your situation closely.
It must be very frightening and complex.
Welcome to PC; I hope you can find a lot of support here.

Sending you hugs. Is there support group for cancer in your area? Ask your doctor

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I am so sorry you have such a serious illness and are probably facing death, eventually. My heart goes out to you.

People in their 20's are, in my experience, still quite young and usually emotionally immature. Your kids are almost surely terrified at the prospect of losing you, their mom.

I agree with the others about attending a support group. I think that being with others who are going through experiences similar to your own would be tremendously helpful.

Hello springchk1: I would simply like to send warm thoughts your way with the hope you will be able to find deep peace...

My heart goes out to you.
Your children will still have each other, and I am sure they will be ok in life with what you have given them so far as their mom. Now it is time to get what you need.
I can't even imagine what you must feel like, but I send you the warmest of hugs and best wishes. What I do understand is this fear of unfinished business and the need to share and express your emotions. So please do so Wishing you peace, comfort, love and light <3

I know you can't help worrying about your kids no matter what age they are but you do need to look after your own needs right now. I lost my mother when I was 29 and I thought I would not last a day without her, but life goes on and their will too. I didn't want my mom to talk about death or anything remotely like that, until she got angry at me one day and said "SHUT UP". That was a breaking moment for all the family really, and the start of acceptance of her own death and indeed ours too. Your kids love you so much and they are lost in grief, feel helpless and are afraid of going on without you. I think you need to tell them that you need to talk about this process. If they don't listen perhaps a nurse or someone in palliative care would be able to have a talk with them. You want to make plans and have to be able to discuss these thoughts and feelings with your children. I suppose we are all immature in some ways, but please take care of yourself .... Best wishes

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My twin had stage 4 Hodgkin's lymphoma in her left lung in '91. We were 5 turning 6. It was treated as aggressively as possible with chemo and full body radiation. She had her lifetime max of multiple chemos as well as surgery removing 1/4 of her lung. They gave her 6months. She lived 16more yrs. she had multiple relapses and 2 bone marrow transplants. In the end it wasn't the cancer that killed her but the heart failure the chemo had giving her. My point is no matter how aggressive or response the cancer is to chemo, we are all on borrowed time.

Now is the time for you to live it up. Do what u want when u want. All those aggressive treatments do is extend ur suffering. I know some we'll be against what I say since I am not a cancer patient, but I saw and I know what it does not only the person but to those around them. My sister was a child never able to live and do anything since she was always sick be happy it came later for u. U got to go to a bar if u wanted to. I were able to get drunk experiment with drugs travel, whatever u did u did cu u could. She didn't have that.

Ur children will Grieve and grieve in their own way but u can't let that stop the time u have left. Help them find a counselor or support group or therapist and then let them be they are adults. I grew up at 8 with the hell around me at least they are adults. Have a talk with them and tell them to find help before so they have that support. And u yes u LIVE IT UP. Do what u can.