[Artchic528]

I guess western society has given men the expectation that they are to be more reserved, and internal with their emotions to convey a sense of strength and toughness, and that is supposed to be attractive to women. Supposedly, on some primal level, a strong and tough man is seen as a more desirable mate, and possesses good qualities that women are wanting to pass on to their offspring. However, we are infinitely more complex when it comes to choosing our romantic partners. So many more variables come into play when a person seeks out another for a relationship.

I hate that because of some age old stereotype, that men feel they need to be tough, strong, rugged, and emotionally distant in order to be even remotely considered masculine enough to pursue a woman, or to be considered manly in general. Like I said, we are very complex we human beings, and we all have a set of emotions. Sure, some of us may be more attuned than others to these emotions (with some feeling completely detatched from them altogether and yet others on the opposite side of the spectrum), but in general we all feel them in some way or another.

I just feel that masculine stereotype is very much dated and that today's man should not be afraid to openly feel. This may sound strange coming from a woman, especially one who at one time was trying to convince herself that all men are unfeeling, uncaring, emotionless robots, (this was at a time when a guy had upset me greatly and I was in a real emotional upheaval), but I would like to see guys who aren't afraid to break the stereotype of the emotionally distant, masculine man. To be bold enough to say "Hey, I'm a human being with feelings, not a robot."

I guess my point here is, I want to see how right I am in knowing that men feel emotions just like I, as a woman, do. Maybe this thread is silly, maybe it's been written because I've been hopped up on caffeine again and haven't slept since 8 or so yesterday (Saturday) morning. If it is overly silly, you have my apologies.

[Swabbingred]

Agreed. The whole masculinity ideal that is portrayed in the modern society completely contradicts the essence of yin & yang. Humans feel, and we feel a lot. A man who is in touch with their feminine side and isn't afraid to show it is a man who will definitely be in my books than one who lives by this premeditated stoicism which makes them think emotions are vulnerability.

[divine1966]

Of course they feel emotions. I know many men who are in touch with their emotions. Sure some aren't. Some are distant and uncaring ( but so are some women), the goal is to not go for the kind of men/women.

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[Thunder Bow]

Actually I find men to be more emotional than women. Despite the cultural suppression pressures.

[mf1438]

When riding my bike around 10 years old, I turned a corner too fast. Fell off and scraped my knee. I started to cry. My friends made fun of me and called me a sissy. I have troubling crying since. Even when my youngest son died of cancer a little over a year ago, I had trouble crying. Yes, I feel emotion, but expressing emotion is yet another thing altogether. I seem to either over react or under react. Some things that would send someone in a tizzy, I just let it roll off, like nothing happened. And some things that should be minor end up being the straw that broke the camel's back. Uncontrolled display of emotions is not a manly thing. Women can get all teary eyed. Men are supposed to stick their chest out, suck it up and keep their wits about them.

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

If - Rudyard Kipling

[Thunder Bow]

Uncontrolled emotions IS a manly thing. It shows courage. If you want to be A Warrior, you have to let your feelings out, you do not "suck" them in.

Men express their feelings different than women do. This doesn't mean men don't have feelings.

[Molinit]

I think most of us know that men have emotions. Do I want a man sobbing and asking me to hold him when something bad happens? Errrrr...no. Well, maybe if a family member died. But for the most part, I find I cannot respect a man who wants to talk about his feelings and his needs all the time.

That's just me.

[Bill3]

Do I want a man sobbing and asking me to hold him when something bad happens? Errrrr...no.

How do you feel about a woman sobbing and asking a man to hold her when something bad happens?

[Molinit]

I think it's fine, like I said "that's just me." I personally do not care for men who are frequently in their feelings. It's a turn-off. I like the "strong" male stereotype.

[EdgyUsername]

Tell me about it...I really don't fit the bill of the generic alpha male type.
I've never been shy about my feelings really, I can be a very emotional person and my friends know that when they've seen me at my worst.

I've had girls lose interest in me before for not being as confident or as assertive as they wanted me to be.

I'm not ashamed of that though, It's what makes us uniquely human, a taboo of guys not allowed to have the very emotions that makes us what we are is reeeally dumb.

Guess it does go back to those primal days really, girl looking for a suitable mate, they don't want the man who's not gonna sit there and wallow because he's not good enough NOOOO They want the big strong man who's gonna go hunt a lion down with his bare hands.

Roots on this one are preeeetty deep.

The original poster is trying to demolish our genetic basis and construct some new artificial reality. Our reality has a genetic basis. Men in all cultures behave more or less the same. It's also true for women. It has nothing to do with the western culture. It's not just a turn off for women, but also for other men (not sexually but socially). We cannot help but feel and act that way. Why are women attracted (in general) to confident guys/men? Because it's natural. We don't think too much about the "why" question. I mean we can think, but it won't change the reality. Somethings are the way they are.

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by Molinit

I think it's fine, like I said "that's just me." I personally do not care for men who are frequently in their feelings. It's a turn-off. I like the "strong" male stereotype.

Do you fit the weak female stereotype though? Stay at home and pop out babies.

Just wondering. Or is it just a one way street with this stuff.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Wandering Soul

The original poster is trying to demolish our genetic basis and construct some new artificial reality. Our reality has a genetic basis. Men in all cultures behave more or less the same. It's also true for women. It has nothing to do with the western culture. It's not just a turn off for women, but also for other men (not sexually but socially). We cannot help but feel and act that way. Why are women attracted (in general) to confident guys/men? Because it's natural. We don't think too much about the "why" question. I mean we can think, but it won't change the reality. Somethings are the way they are.

I'm trying to do what now? Demolish a genetic basis? Artificial reality?

I'm confused.....

I just thought it would be nice to break free from a stereotype. I wasn't trying to demolish anything or create something that was artificial.

Look, guys have emotions, right? All I was saying was that it would be nice if they felt more or less free to express them more so, without feeling as though it was threatening some preconceived notion of what masculinity is. I feel that it's more natural for emotions to be expressed and conveyed rather than bottled up and ignored.

You see things from a woman's perspective, and projecting your understanding of yourself as a woman to men. Men are action-oriented, and they use their emotions to act, not to sit down and talk about them. Men can say things like "this annoyed me" and "I was upset at that", but they don't express every single feeling, and sit and be emotional outwardly about them. The emotion center in women's brains is larger than in men, that's why women are more emotional. Because it's natural. Just to be clear here: what do you mean by men to be more open about their emotions? Could you give an example?

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Wandering Soul

You see things from a woman's perspective, and projecting your understanding of yourself as a woman to men. Men are action-oriented, and they use their emotions to act, not to set down and talk about them. Men can say things like "this annoyed me" and "I was upset at that", but they don't express every single feeling. The emotion center in women's brains are larger than in men, that's why women are more emotional. Because it's natural. Just to be clear here: what do you meas by men be more open about their emotions? Could you give an example?

Um, I'm projecting? I wasn't aware I was projecting....

I just thought that using stereotypes and preconceived notions to describe all individuals in any one group of people as being a particular way a rather ignorant assumption on anyone's part. You wouldn't go around claiming that because of some old stereotype, that say, all of the Irish were no good lazy drunkards, right? Sure, Ireland has been known for producing a plethora of beers, ales, and whiskeys, but that's by no means any indication that Irish folk drink their livers into shock. The same goes for men and emotions, just because some men are more naturally reserved with their emotions doesn't necessarily mean ALL men are this way, and that all men have to hold their emotions back.

When I mean more open with emotions, I don't necessarily mean sobbing like a baby into somebody's shoulder, rather just expressing themselves in a any way. Like, for example. Say a guy feels sad. He doesn't need to be the aforementioned sobbing mess, but he could be a little teary. I mean, like when watching a particularly emotional ending to a movie (like Terminator 2: Judgement Day). It made me cry, why not some guy?

I guess that, just because you have a Y chromosome, and your "emotional center of the brain" might be smaller, doesn't mean you can't express sadness through tears. That's how I feel.

It's exactly like the preconceived notion that all women are emotional messes and dependent on men for everything, from financial stability to every minor decision in life. Well, we aren't damsels in distress, at least I'm not. I don't need saving, and though I wear my heart on my sleeve at times, I'm not some sobbing mess waiting for a shoulder to cry on. I'm also most certainly not the "stay at home and pop babies out" kind of woman either, like Thule said earlier. I'm not a baby factory, and though I have the necessary equipment with which to bare children, I have no intention of doing so. I'm not interested in being some guy's brood mare.

[Quarter life]

Men & Women are different for a reason.

[itsgettinglate]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I guess western society has given men the expectation that they are to be more reserved, and internal with their emotions to convey a sense of strength and toughness, and that is supposed to be attractive to women. Supposedly, on some primal level, a strong and tough man is seen as a more desirable mate, and possesses good qualities that women are wanting to pass on to their offspring. However, we are infinitely more complex when it comes to choosing our romantic partners. So many more variables come into play when a person seeks out another for a relationship.

I hate that because of some age old stereotype, that men feel they need to be tough, strong, rugged, and emotionally distant in order to be even remotely considered masculine enough to pursue a woman, or to be considered manly in general. Like I said, we are very complex we human beings, and we all have a set of emotions. Sure, some of us may be more attuned than others to these emotions (with some feeling completely detatched from them altogether and yet others on the opposite side of the spectrum), but in general we all feel them in some way or another.

I just feel that masculine stereotype is very much dated and that today's man should not be afraid to openly feel. This may sound strange coming from a woman, especially one who at one time was trying to convince herself that all men are unfeeling, uncaring, emotionless robots, (this was at a time when a guy had upset me greatly and I was in a real emotional upheaval), but I would like to see guys who aren't afraid to break the stereotype of the emotionally distant, masculine man. To be bold enough to say "Hey, I'm a human being with feelings, not a robot."

I guess my point here is, I want to see how right I am in knowing that men feel emotions just like I, as a woman, do. Maybe this thread is silly, maybe it's been written because I've been hopped up on caffeine again and haven't slept since 8 or so yesterday (Saturday) morning. If it is overly silly, you have my apologies.

Thank you for your thoughts. Of course men have emotions, but we pay a penalty for expressing them except in very narrow contexts and in specific approved ways, as is indicated in this thread. Clearly some people agree that men are regular human beings, but that's not the consensus. Maybe some day.

Women being emotional doesn't mean they are emotional messes. No one says women are baby factories or they need men. But you're asking men to act certain way contrary to their nature. I will bring shyness and anxiety again: why girls/women are attracted to confident guys/men? I could say that is a stereotypical view of girls/women to shy guys/men that they are losers or something. I doubt women want to be around that emotional and extremely sensitive man.

What you said about Irish people is a stereotypical view of an entire people. But I don't think it's true for the topic we're discussing, because it's true for all men across cultures. I think it's more of their nature.

I cry in movies. I did several times and in the cinema. But we tend to keep in touch with our emotions inwardly. We just don't express them, at least most of the time. If we love someone we say "I love you", if we're annoyed of someone we say "I'm annoyed". We tend to express our emotions more by actions. Men and women express their emotions differently. That's all.

[eskielover]

On the other side of the coin....there are some of us women who don't fit the stereotype women either.

So many women when they see a baby they go for it & want to hold it. I have NO desire to hold a baby & usually look from a distance. Always have which was why it was so difficult to have a baby of my own. The thing is..it must not be stereotype if so many women react that way to babies unless they are ALL controlled by the stereotype. I think it's more the nature of their make up & there are some of us who just don't fit that nature....the same goes with men.

Each person has their own nature sometimes based on how they were brought up. I wasn't brought up to not like babies...I wasn't brought up with any message given. I didn't care about playing with dolls EVER & always preferred being the tomboy & playing with the guys given my natural choice.

I personally never let it bother me how I felt or didn't feel about things. If someone else had a problem with my reactions....it was their problem..not mine.

Guys have emotions they just show them in different ways than many women do....it's not always about stereotype...it's about how they are made up. Some guys express their emotions differently than others...just like some women don't express their emotions in the way many other women do....but it doesn't mean that they don't have those emotions any more than a woman doesn't who doesn't react in way that seems to be the way a majority of women react.

A majority might act in a certain way but that action doesn't define the underlying feelings/emotions that exist.

[Molinit]

Originally Posted by Steiner of Thule

Do you fit the weak female stereotype though? Stay at home and pop out babies.

Just wondering. Or is it just a one way street with this stuff.

Staying home and popping out babies doesn't enter in here. If you mean weaker as in nurturing, caring and a soft place to land for my man, then yes, that's what I am.

I keep saying this is how I FEEL and if you don't agree, oh well. I cannot have respect for a man who seems weak to me.

[CoffeeLove]

I cry, I need to be held, I don't like anger, I don't like aggression and I don't like violence, I'd sooner spend an evening cuddled up with my woman (if I had one that is) on the sofa watching TV than sitting down the pub swigging beer, I'd sooner walk through the woods hand in hand with my woman (again, if I had one) than watch some boring football match.

I don't know what era of 'man' I am supposed to represent because I don't want to represent any era of man, I just want to be allowed to be me and for some one to find me adorable, yeah, okay so that last bit aint gonna happen, now if you'll excuse me I'm going to wander off to the corner to have a little cry.

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I guess western society has given men the expectation that they are to be more reserved, and internal with their emotions to convey a sense of strength and toughness, and that is supposed to be attractive to women. Supposedly, on some primal level, a strong and tough man is seen as a more desirable mate, and possesses good qualities that women are wanting to pass on to their offspring. However, we are infinitely more complex when it comes to choosing our romantic partners. So many more variables come into play when a person seeks out another for a relationship.

I hate that because of some age old stereotype, that men feel they need to be tough, strong, rugged, and emotionally distant in order to be even remotely considered masculine enough to pursue a woman, or to be considered manly in general. Like I said, we are very complex we human beings, and we all have a set of emotions. Sure, some of us may be more attuned than others to these emotions (with some feeling completely detatched from them altogether and yet others on the opposite side of the spectrum), but in general we all feel them in some way or another.

I just feel that masculine stereotype is very much dated and that today's man should not be afraid to openly feel. This may sound strange coming from a woman, especially one who at one time was trying to convince herself that all men are unfeeling, uncaring, emotionless robots, (this was at a time when a guy had upset me greatly and I was in a real emotional upheaval), but I would like to see guys who aren't afraid to break the stereotype of the emotionally distant, masculine man. To be bold enough to say "Hey, I'm a human being with feelings, not a robot."

I guess my point here is, I want to see how right I am in knowing that men feel emotions just like I, as a woman, do. Maybe this thread is silly, maybe it's been written because I've been hopped up on caffeine again and haven't slept since 8 or so yesterday (Saturday) morning. If it is overly silly, you have my apologies.

I wish caffeine worked that well for me I don't doubt that there is much truth in what you say about this. In many ways we are programmed and indoctrinated from cradle to grave. It's ironic that so many have no problem believing this when it pertains to personal categories such as gender characteristics but not to worldview. But that's another story.
I tend to keep my emotions and my problems and issues to myself because I am a very private individual in that way. I don't think it has anything to do with conforming to a stereotype.

edit: I posted before reading the previous replies. I think I'll go back to current events now where things are more peaceful

[avlady]

men do have strong emotions, as i've found out myself. it is better to cry than to hold all emotions in and punch a wall or a woman. i made my father cry when i was younger and i told myself i never want to do that again.