[brandon9]

So I've posted in other forums here about my relationship with a girl who I work with, I think I referred to her as Katie. I am 17, she is 23, we met in December and immediately hit off, we got super close and intimate and such. My parents totally disapproved based on the age gap, led to me going behind their backs, etc.... I came to this site seeking help and advice over my parents disapproving, which was beyond extreme. Now, I need help because I feel like my world has ended.

Katie and I were never official per say but we basically were dating. We had the intimacy (no sex, we were smart about that!) and the connection, she is the only girl I have ever felt totally 100% comfortable being myself around. I love this girl, she made me just feel so special and lucky and happy all the time...And on February 20th, she stopped talking to me, lied to me about why (said the age gap suddenly mattered) and then I found out 2 days later that she was with another guy. I was absolutely crushed, I went off on her, and we didn't speak from February 22nd until this afternoon at work, for about 5 minutes.

When I found out she had lied and was with another guy, I cried for hours, I was pissed off, I was just destroyed by it. As the past month has gone by, I gradually got my emotion in check but I absolutely miss her more than I can describe, sometimes I would just get totally down because I missed her so much, miss what we had. And today, after talking to her and realizing it's been a whole month since things ended, I was upset... I finished my shift and when I got home I just went to my room and started crying my ****ing heart out. I've cried for hours at this point, I am so depressed over losing this girl. Hearing her voice just sent me into a downward spiral... I am totally heartbroken. I love her, I only ever wanted what was best for her and I got THIS... and despite the fact that she has hurt me more than anyone else ever has in my life, I still love her just as much and would give anything to have her....

The last time I cried before this girl came into my life was when my grandfather died of lung cancer in 2010. I was holding his hand when he took his last breath. I keep a lot of emotion inside, normally I don't get this upset and I still never cry... so why, after 6 years, would I suddenly start crying uncontrollably for the 2nd time in a month?

[brandon9]

And before anyone comments about the age gap thing, I am very mature and ahead in life for my age. People think I'm in my early 20s when they meet me, most of my close friends are older than I am by a margin of 3-6 years, I am set to graduate high school next May with an associates degree from dual enrollment classes. I am at the mental level of someone several years older than my bodily age, so that's how a gap of 6.5 years worked emotionally/intellectually... I turn 18 in October.

[Travelinglady]

I think men who can cry are the best men. I hope things will work out for the best.

[TishaBuv]

I remember your post from a while back. The disappointment of love gone cold hurts like a mf. She was your first. There will be others and I wish you everything you wish for yourself.

[divine1966]

Sorry you are hurting. I know it feels like the world ended, but it didn't. The life just started and you will heal. And at one point you will meet a woman and you'll be glad other relationships didn't last as you'd never meet the right one! Things happen for a reason. This wasn't meant to be. Grieve and then move on. Sending you hugs.

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[brandon9]

Thank you all for your words, I feel a bit better today... I actually saw her today, happened to cross paths on our day off, and ended up talking to her again for about 30 minutes this time, we talked about what happened between us, we're finally back on "good terms", which is somewhat of a relief for me personally because I have a history of losing all connection to every single girl I've ever been with romantically once it's over...

Despite how much I wish things had gone differently, I'm a brutally honest person and I AM happy that she's happy, even though it's not with me... and I told her that, told her how F'ed up I was too over it all, coping and such... while a lot of people would probably tell me it's bad, I really hope her and I can learn to become friends again, if nothing else, because losing her entirely was horrible and IS a horrible thought to me. I do love and care for her and still want her in my life... I guess I just need to change the love from intensely romantic to a more detached love.

I'm still very upset about her moving on so quickly and easily, though. I'm still depressed it didn't work, I'm upset by how it all went down in the end. I've spent the last month wrestling with the fact that I wasn't sure if I loved her still or hated her. It took me a long time to realize I can't hold a grudge, all my anger over what happened has shifted into just a sense of loss and regret. It'll take me a long time to fully recover from this whole situation, in terms of being able to trust and open up again.

[brandon9]

But probably more relevant to this forum/thread, I still don't understand why I am so emotionally unstable as a result of this relationship I had. It's weird, to me - I was an absolute wreck last night, I cried for about 3.5 hours total before I could calm myself down and go to sleep... and today I'm not anywhere close to worked up. I'm my usual, emotions-to-myself self. I was honest about my feelings with Katie today, I told the absolute truth of how I felt as a result of this all and how I've been feeling, but I never got choked up or anything, I'm not choked up now. I don't feel like bursting into tears when I think of her at this exact moment... I wonder if there's some issue with myself, I don't feel really much of ANYTYING at the moment emotionally. I'm just kind of "here", impassive and stoic.

[divine1966]

You aren't emotionally unstable. You were upset and that's not unique reaction to a break up especially at your age. As we get older we become more philosophical and we realize deep inside that breaking up happens for a reason and more often than not the person was wrong for us.

At 17 thought it feels like end of the world coming. Like she is the love of your life etc

Now as the time passes you start feeling better, that's normal. You might feel upset again etc it could go in cycles.

You are going through grieving and everyone does it differently and it is normal. There is nothing wrong with you. We all been there. We all had first gf or bf etc

You will be fine. You have a great future and I know you'll meet some great woman in the future.

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[brandon9]

Originally Posted by divine1966

You aren't emotionally unstable. You were upset and that's not unique reaction to a break up especially at your age. As we get older we become more philosophical and we realize deep inside that breaking up happens for a reason and more often than not the person was wrong for us.

At 17 thought it feels like end of the world coming. Like she is the love of your life etc

Now as the time passes you start feeling better, that's normal. You might feel upset again etc it could go in cycles.

You are going through grieving and everyone does it differently and it is normal. There is nothing wrong with you. We all been there. We all had first gf or bf etc

You will be fine. You have a great future and I know you'll meet some great woman in the future.

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I remember you were helpful to me before all this, and you're very helpful now, and I deeply appreciate that. I've got a ****** support group in real life, my closest (and really only) real confidant is my coworker/manager who is 35 and has for all intents and purposes become a brother to me, I owe him a lot of my sanity following this relationship ending. Your offering advice and your wisdom to me is so kind and I can't thank you enough for that.

I am happy that now this girl and I have worked out WHY things went the way they did. I realized that I made several mistakes along the way, and she admitted that what she did was wrong and was upset about that, and her and I are beginning to rekindle the good friendship we had before we became romantically involved... which is something I never thought would be possible.

I've dated other girls before (though until I met Katie I went a year and a half between relationships), but I never felt as strongly about them as I did for her. I never loved any of my exes, Katie IS my first love, if you care for that term lol. And I'm eternally grateful I have experienced that feeling, of knowing what it's like and having arguably the happiest time of my life to date with her. But by the same token, that same appreciation and happiness is depressing whenever I consider what it is I've lost. But I think maybe that's normal...? Maybe... maybe this is all a part of growing up, but damn if it isn't the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life. And I've had some screwed up situations before now.

[divine1966]

I am very glad to be of support! You will do fine. Trust me what you feel is normal. It was the happiest time in your life "to date". Which is only 17 years. The happiest and the best is yet to come!!!



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[brandon9]

I sure do hope so! I think this was a case of just meeting somebody at the wrong time in life - had it been a year or two in the future I could see things having gone much differently, I suppose I have to look at it as a learning experience. She's always going to be special to me, I have no doubt she's someone I'll remember for the rest of my life, whether we stay friends that long or even if we drift apart in the future.

[brandon9]

And hopefully I'm done getting emotional over it, I'm feeling a bit more confident as this week has gone by and we've worked some stuff out. Like I got that last bit of closure I needed to start the next chapter, per say.