[embracinglife]

I'm feeling lonely...but am starting to realize that loneliness is just a part of life. Sure I wish I had more people to be around...but I need to learn how to be able to live with loneliness.

So how do you guys do it?

[Sunna]

Not very well.. lol!
I hang in here and feeling I am caring for people and trying to tell them something that may, in some small way, help, is a good antidote for loneliness.

I know it is not a solution for ever. We are a social critter, need others around, even as much as we value our autonomy and independence.

I listened to Tessa Bielecki lecture and she spoke of how hermit's life looked like. I was surprised how deliberately they have arranged their day to have solitude AND community time.

[missbelle]

I get lonely once in a while too. I have been living alone six years now. It the first time I have really been alone this long since college.I am lucky in a way that I live in an apartment house for people over 62 so we do have an occasional event and a Saturday morning coffee every Saturday. Still, you still go back to the apartment alone. I find you really got to like yourself enough to be alone with yourself! Maybe being an only child helped as I was forced to do everything alone when at home. I had a vivid imagination which helped.

I am really busy during the day so sometimes at night I am too tired to care if I am alone or not. That helps... You wear yourself out and then you're too tired to think of even being lonely. Oh, I volunteer, go to an art class and run a book club...again that helps to keep me busy and find more friends

I also have two adult cats in residence who force me to care for them, clean the litter, feed them etc. They are two needy gals that want a lot of attention. Maybe for you a pet would also help.

I also draw at home...this is a new hobby I really enjoy... so hours pass because I get involved with my work....and then there is here....where we can play games, talk, whine, complain and also help others. I am on the computer a lot sometimes!

I thnk just get involved more in the community, get a pet if able, find a good hobby you like!!I know how it is to be lonely but its fixable!!

[Norahs]

I'm not very lonely. I like solitude.

[embracinglife]

lukey, sometimes I like being alone, but sometimes I wish I had more close friends to be with sometimes. Sometimes its nice to have some company. But its good that you're okay being alone with yourself.

[Norahs]

Originally Posted by embracinglife

lukey, sometimes I like being alone, but sometimes I wish I had more close friends to be with sometimes. Sometimes its nice to have some company. But its good that you're okay being alone with yourself.

I am the complete opposite. I get agitated when I'm around people.

You have us though to be close with, at least.

I have been alone pretty much all of my life. Even when I am in the midst of a crowd, I feel no connection. There are many reasons for my present circumstances, none important to this discussion.

The overarching downside of my existence is not having people to talk to. It is not so much the talking per se; rather, it is not having others signal how well I am by how they react to what I say. Seeking the approval of others is not the goal. I do know only having my thoughts cavorting through the caverns of my mind is problematical. Talking to others gives me some idea just how problematical.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/are-you-lonely/all/1/
http://gmj.gallup.com/content/126884...?version=print
http://www.uic.edu/depts/wellctr/dimen.shtml

[unico]

I can get lonely because I have few in-person friends, can't drive, and live alone. But I have a boyfriend now and live next door to my mother, so I can still see them regularly. I have three loving cats, which helps. Also I talk to a lot of people online. Cheerful dvd's in the background can help -- just seeing and hearing other people.

[Leed]

I live alone. My husband died several years ago. At first it was hard to be alone, but now i enjoy it.

You have to learn how to LIKE yourself. If you don't like yourself, you'll never learn how to NOT be lonely. You need to feel comfortable in your own skin ~ if you learn to care for yourself and truly LOVE yourself, then being alone won't feel so bad. There's a difference between being alone and being lonely.

Generally, I'm not lonely ~ I can almost always find something to occupy my time/mind. There are other times I just sit and meditate. It took me a long time to learn to LIKE myself. I had to forgive myself for past mistakes, and past misdeeds. Once I was able to do that, I found that I wasn't such a bad person afterall.

Being alone doesn't mean that you have to be lonely. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[embracinglife]

Thanks Leed, I've been doing some reading on self-esteem, and it does seem that you have to like yourself first to not feel lonely in relationships.... thanks for the insights.

[evaone]

If you feel like you are lonely go out with some of your friends or join in a group that will make you busy. at least loneliness has no room in your life now. lol.. we all get lonely because it's a part of our life but it's all up to us on how we handle it. don't let loneliness beat us okay!

[ladylady]

I really like Lee's post. I think on days that I like myself instead of giving way to fear are days when I do better.
Loneliness is indeed something we all struggle with at different points in our lives... I think my faith does a lot to help with my battle with loneliness. I read a lot too. Reading brings you to "another world" and reading encouraging materials does help.

Perhaps knowing that everyone struggle with loneliness would make us realize that we are all in this together and that will make us feel less lonely?

[hannie2223]

I'm an introvert and feel the most lonely in a crowd. i like to sing or call up a friend. Usually it reminds me I might have lost touch with people and it's time to come out of my shell for a bit. I agree with ladylady we are all in this together.

[SandyF]

Originally Posted by embracinglife

I'm feeling lonely...but am starting to realize that loneliness is just a part of life. Sure I wish I had more people to be around...but I need to learn how to be able to live with loneliness.

So how do you guys do it?

Solitiude is something we all need but so is the warmth of having loved ones around us. Being lonely is something (I think) we all experience but to constantly be lonely and alone when not our choice, is just plain awful, in my opinion.

I'm facing these feelings too as my mother just passed away and I was her sole caregiver for 5 & 1/2 yrs. I had put my life on "hold" while caring for her, left my job, put my home in storage and didn't realize that when all this would someday end, I would have to be building my life from scratch and doing it all alone. I have friends that have consoled me but when the door shuts behind them, I've got only me and right now, this feels crippling. I'm trying to see me way out of these feelings and have just started taking St. Johns wort. Prescribed anti depressants don't work for me, they adversly work, making me feel worse. It will be 5 weeks since my mother passed, this Wed. and though I don't feel ready, I'm desperately lonely and have decided to start looking for a part time job...anything for now. I need to feel responsible and commited to something other than my sorrow so I will start looking for work, in an attempt to feel part of something bigger than myself, if that makes sense.

I know how you feel and I don't want to believe that lonlieness is something that's bigger than our choice to be embraced and feel connected with others. It's all very, very scarey, I know how you feel. I wish you love in your life.

[ECHOES]

To me, there is loneliness and aloneness.

Loneliness is needing to be around others because we are social by nature.

Aloneness is the fact that we are alone, that we are separate from all others, even those who we choose to be with when we are feeling lonely.

I struggle with both, but I know I could do something about the loneliness. Whereas the aloneness just is, and it is something I struggle to accept and something I sometimes rejoice about: I am me, I have my own thoughts, my own mind, my own wishes.

[irfladyblue]

I am not dealing well with my loneliness. I have lost my license til August (serquel and driving don't mix) unemployed so I can't go to job interviews, my fiancee broke off our engagement in Jan. saying he couldn't make me happy, divorced, youngest daughter has no license ( didn't go to court ordered traffic class) so on and so on. My depression hits at different times of the day. I try to find something to occupy my time but internet, tv and movies only do so much during the day. Friends are either working or taking care of their children at night. UGHHHHH. any suggestion would be appreciated.

[BethD1980]

Hi new here. I am very lonley. I have a daughter but shes in school all day. my husband recently left me so now its like the house is empty, im unemployed , well, i shouldnt say that cause I just found a p/t job but havent started yet, atleast that will get me out of the house. Part of my depresssion is that every day is the same with no motivation to do anything, my soon to be ex is giving me a hard time, he filed my daughter on his tax returns with out my permission fully knowing i needed that money, needless to say Im angry, whenever I feel like everything is ok, something else goes wrong. Im sick and tired of being hurt and lonely.

[violetmoons]

I guess I would not be as lonely if I spoke more.I hope you all feel better.

[winyourdivorce]

You were right. Loneliness is normal to life but sometimes loneliness may affect our daily activities and telling this isn't healthy anymore. I deal with loneliness by going out, going to mall or ging to a friends house, watching funny videos online and yes sometimes joining to a chat room do help. I have new found friends in the internet. Sometimes I will go to my mothers house and help her with household chores or try planting flowers. There are lot of things in world could make us happy and thanks GOD for that .

[Elana05]

I feel lonely today, but also as if I am recouperating. Often, depression feels like the flu.
I am not working and I know that work would put me around more people.
But there are times when I have been working and suffering serious depression, and the people at work have made me feel alienated and alone despite being with them.
I know it is all in my head.
I know I will go back to work, but can't do it until I know I am strong enough to... not feel like it is sucking all of the life out of me.
I am trying to make a plan for today.
To buy some paints, tidy the house and to get to an Al Anon meeting.
Al Anon (12-step meetings) helps me feel less lonely.
Even there I have not yet been able to "socialize" when the meeting is over. It makes me feel odd, like I have nothing to say or will say the wrong thing. So I just bolt for the door.
When I was a kid I was often reprimanded for being a "social butterfly" and talking to my classmates instead of doing my work. I had so many friends.
Today I spend a lot of time alone (aside from being with my partner).
Life is strange.

[lavieenrose]

Depression does feel like the flu. It's exhausting, especially when I cry a lot. I'm consumed with thoughts and feelings about loneliness. Being single, no family, having had few partners in my life due to depression and feeling undeserving. I've been on disability for so many years that I really fear being extremely depressed at a job. It's very hard to mask. At the same time, it provided people contact. I think of trying to date, but the despair is too strong. There have been times when I liked myself, when I felt good connections with others and could be caring. Why do only the negative memories stick, dragging down my self-esteem? I guess that's what depression does best. I've gone to alanon for 23 years, and still often feel I've nothing to say after the meeting, and depart, feeling sad. Same thing with other types of gatherings. It's rooted in childhood and very hard to put behind me. I long so much for close friends and a life partner. I used to be immersed in creative activity until the depression took away my passion for it almost 2 years ago. My concentration for reading is poor now too.

[krystal.m]

Originally Posted by lavieenrose

Depression does feel like the flu. It's exhausting, especially when I cry a lot. I'm consumed with thoughts and feelings about loneliness. Being single, no family, having had few partners in my life due to depression and feeling undeserving. I've been on disability for so many years that I really fear being extremely depressed at a job. It's very hard to mask. At the same time, it provided people contact. I think of trying to date, but the despair is too strong. There have been times when I liked myself, when I felt good connections with others and could be caring. Why do only the negative memories stick, dragging down my self-esteem? I guess that's what depression does best. I've gone to alanon for 23 years, and still often feel I've nothing to say after the meeting, and depart, feeling sad. Same thing with other types of gatherings. It's rooted in childhood and very hard to put behind me. I long so much for close friends and a life partner. I used to be immersed in creative activity until the depression took away my passion for it almost 2 years ago. My concentration for reading is poor now too.

hey it's krystal Im 24 I'm the same after I had my son I got depressed and I've been living with it for 3 years anyways if u want someone to talk to email me flawless66angel@hotmail.com

[shelterdog71]

Wow. For a minute I thought I had written this! I feel the same way. I'm 40, overweight, single, no kids, only child, very small family, and virtually NO friends. I hate my job more than anything you could ever imagine, to the point where it's causing me serious health problems. I also have to deal with my parents ongoing medical issues and have no help. My boyfriend and I broke up almost 2 years ago after a long and terrible relationship. The only thing that keeps me going is my 2 dogs that I feel are my children. I have zero chance of ever finding a decent man or even making any new friends because I'm so miserable I won't leave my house... unless it's for work or to walk the dogs. I keep going further and further down this spiral and it's terrifying and overwhelming. I'm convinced after the few people I have in my life are gone, I will die completely alone.

Anytime you want to talk, please email me bebosh@yahoo.com

[Hashtag]

Originally Posted by Sunna

Not very well.. lol!
I hang in here and feeling I am caring for people and trying to tell them something that may, in some small way, help, is a good antidote for loneliness.

I know it is not a solution for ever. We are a social critter, need others around, even as much as we value our autonomy and independence.

I listened to Tessa Bielecki lecture and she spoke of how hermit's life looked like. I was surprised how deliberately they have arranged their day to have solitude AND community time.

Wow, my therapist told me to look on this site and I would be surprised by the answer to 'antidote for loneliness'. You hit the nail on the head. Thank you so much.
She has been encouraging me to reach out to others who are in similar situations because she sees that I love to help others. I have been confined to my home for a couple of years and it is amazing how good you can feel when you get out of your own head and help others!!!

[emijec]

I feel lonely too. never married, no kids, 34. I feel like I'm trapped in a broken car that's in the middle of the street with everyone going around me. I'm stuck. everyone my age is married or has kids.. it's tough to find a male counterpart , single no kids. went to school and no career. I had to keep my highest degree off my resume in order to get a job that paid as much as I earned while in college (14 years ago). no accomplishments.

seems like everywhere I am I'm reminded that I'm alone. if I watch tv, the advertisements all show loving couples or young families, or retired folk with their grandkids,m. if I'm out in the street it's the same. started a new job and the girl I worked with who has 3 kids asked how many I had... I said ... I've been married to my jobs... I never felt lonelier and depresses, I just wanted to get out of there. the fact that I have lots of student loan debt and bills kept me in that chair.

loneliness! it's is own emotional disease! people say, stay busy, but what do you do when you try and don't have passion to do it because you know it won't make you happy and fulfilled.. like you are when you have someone to love and that loves you back?

been down ever since. this coming from the heels of getting dumped, where I know I messed up...

but I feel guilty for complaining about loneliness... .I found out that my ex boss's son, who was 30 lost his battle to cancer 2 days ago. I feel terrible. for my boss for his family, for that wonderful kid who had just passed the bar exam a month before he got diagnosed.. his career was just starting, he will never feel the love of. a person, getting married, having kids. time is fleeting. I can't get over that. he's gone. I'm in disbelief.