[TishaBuv]

I was doing so well all week at my conference. The motivational speakers had me feeling in charge. I had a plan to get along in life with h. Then I got together with him. He did his button pressing, drive me to the moon thing that he keeps gaslighting me with and then pretending it's all new to him. I went into total anxiety attack futility mode.

There is no DBT workbook that can diffuse this.

I fooled myself to think I could handle being with him.

It has been seven hours, and my head is still throbbing, stomach still in knots, heart aches, neck feels like I have whiplash, joints ache.

I told him I am never setting foot back in the house again.

I know I said that I'm going to stop posting about my h on here, so I will.

No one can help me. I just have to really stay away and find the strength to move on.

It's like I keep putting my hand on the hot stove and thinking I won't get burned.

It's a PTSD reaction, but the trauma is current! I am traumatized by a man who keeps doing the same things to me that traumatize me, and acting like it's all new to him.

It's too unbelievable for anyone to believe! I don't even know what section to post in anymore.

[~Christina]

Obviously get the hell away from him, I know that's not always a quick option.

Are you seeing a T to work on the PTSD stuff ?

Please don't feel like you can't or should not post here. We all need as much support as we can find (((hugs)))

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I totally believe you. I do.

I'm sorry you experienced that...it sounds like you received an urgent reminder ... a wake up call that it is time to GET OUT.

[TishaBuv]

No more therapists.

My son is applying to grad schools to become a psychologist, bless his heart. I wonder what he'd say to me if I went to see him as a doctor.

He'd probably say what one psychologist said to me "There's nothing wrong with you, except you just can't stand your husband."

The last one we went to turned me off immediately. He said, after I spoke for a few minutes, "I can see 'fun' is very important to you, you use the word a lot." Did I? How many times could I have used the word in five minutes? I have no idea. What was he insinuating? I was already feeling defensive and didn't even want to talk to him.

[TishaBuv]

I don't hate him. I just can't be with him because he drives me crazy doing the same things over and over, yet pretends he doesn't understand. We are just incompatible.

I keep fooling myself to think I can tolerate him in order to get along, but my emotions can't be controlled. You can't lie to yourself and be convincing.

We've been back and forth so many times.

Why does this stupid man keep trying to stay with me? Why won't he just give up and let me go?

[TishaBuv]

I was doing so well, all alone, at this conference. I was working the crowd, making new contacts. I even stood up to a racist, sexist bully in front of an entire audience of people and put him in his place. I was feeling relaxed and fairly confident, even though I doubt my independence and authenticity.

Then my h decided to drive up with our son. He admitted to going 110 mph!

We all were having a nice time.

Then this morning, he put his arm over me and laid there, still, no words, no movements.

In order to explain why this set me off to the moon, I'd have to go into a lot of backstory. But, long story short, he did it because I told him I want to be touched and feel loved. So that was his big move. Even though he has done this several times before, without moving, where I flip out, he does it again, acting like it never happened before.

One of the nights, a man that I know, inappropriately rubbed my back. He's a sleazy guy and I didn't encourage him, but honestly it felt good to be touched for real by a man who enjoyed touching me. His touch felt passionate, where my husband's does not.

So today, I got hysterical, left the conference early, driving with my son who didn't say a word the whole trip home. Dropped him off at our house, vowing I will never step foot in there again.

Tomorrow, I will pick him up to take him to school. Then I will get him a bed and make him move in here with me.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I don't hate him. I just can't be with him because he drives me crazy doing the same things over and over, yet pretends he doesn't understand. We are just incompatible.

I keep fooling myself to think I can tolerate him in order to get along, but my emotions can't be controlled. You can't lie to yourself and be convincing.

We've been back and forth so many times.

Why does this stupid man keep trying to stay with me? Why won't he just give up and let me go?

I don't hate my ex either. I just couldn't stay any longer. Our marriage counseling failed and the marriage couldn't be repaired. 18 years of abuse was enough.

Thinking of you. It is hard either way you go.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

I don't hate my ex either. I just couldn't stay any longer. Our marriage counseling failed and the marriage couldn't be repaired. 18 years of abuse was enough.

Thinking of you. It is hard either way you go.

Was it physical abuse?

[baseline]

TishaBuv, I understand how you feel. I have been in your shoes. I understand about wanting to feel loved, wanted,and nurtured, No matter how many times he said sorry or that the would change his behaviors remained the same. It wasn't until we recently started seeing a therapist that I realized how much he triggered me with his behaviors. He is finally beginning to realize how his treatment of me reminds me of how I was treated as a child. We couldn't communicate. He would go silent and pull away and I would rage and pull away and the anger would fester. He finally agreed to therapy which I am truly grateful for because he finally sees what has been missing and what I needed. I learned how to better engage him and ask for what I need. Its not easy. We are taking it one day at a time but I notice a difference. Did you guys try counseling? Does he know how he affects you? Do you have your own T? Has it always been this way or did it happen gradually? I empathize with you. HUGS

[TishaBuv]

It's been going on for our whole marriage of 20 years. I have analyzed every event that affects us both. I have tried therapists, books, communication, everything I know how. He keeps promising he understands and will change-- but he won't. I can't accept him for who he is. We are just not compatible, and he pleads with me not to divorce him, and my low self esteem keeps me down.

[TishaBuv]

It's replaying in my mind and causing me anxiety. How he pushed me over the edge when I went into the bathroom to take a shower to try to calm down and he started forcing his way in. I said "Why do you want to come in? Do you have to pee?" And he said he did. When he opened the door he went to grab me, like to force sex on me, and I started freaking out and pushed him out of the bathroom. He always does that same thing! He gets me upset with his lame, fear of me, then when I get upset, he tries to forcefully push himself on me, violently. I couldn't even talk about that yesterday! But today, I realize that happened.

[TishaBuv]

I said to him "You put your arm over me and lay there completely frozen and silent, why?" And he said "I don't know what to do or what to say."

But then when I'm upset he starts attacking me?

[Open Eyes]

It sounds like you are in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect "your" boundaries.

He should "not" have visited you during that convention either, that was for "you" and he had no right to insert himself into that convention that was meant for "your" benefit.

If you have PTSD you have grown a lot more "sensitive" to your need for boundaries and if your husband compromises that and then consistently "denies" that he has, even by acting "dumb", it's no wonder you have gotten to a point where you simply don't want to be around him anymore.

The fact that even when you get "angry" your husband decides to get even more agressive at invading your boundaries, means he really doesn't respect "your" boundaries "at all". It's no wonder you don't want to be around him.

[KristenRenee]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I was doing so well all week at my conference. The motivational speakers had me feeling in charge. I had a plan to get along in life with h. Then I got together with him. He did his button pressing, drive me to the moon thing that he keeps gaslighting me with and then pretending it's all new to him. I went into total anxiety attack futility mode.

There is no DBT workbook that can diffuse this.

I fooled myself to think I could handle being with him.

It has been seven hours, and my head is still throbbing, stomach still in knots, heart aches, neck feels like I have whiplash, joints ache.

I told him I am never setting foot back in the house again.

I know I said that I'm going to stop posting about my h on here, so I will.

No one can help me. I just have to really stay away and find the strength to move on.

It's like I keep putting my hand on the hot stove and thinking I won't get burned.

It's a PTSD reaction, but the trauma is current! I am traumatized by a man who keeps doing the same things to me that traumatize me, and acting like it's all new to him.

It's too unbelievable for anyone to believe! I don't even know what section to post in anymore.

Hi there. My name is Kristen. I believe you. I have a son who has used gaslighting with me so bad it has almost left me emotionally crippled and unable to function. I had to pray about it and came to the realization thayout though he is my son and I love him, I cannot be around him. He is emotionally and mentally tearing me apart as wely l as his girlfriend and daughter, but it's me he focuses on the most. That is one of the hardest things to do as a mother to love your kid from a distance and not be able to be around him. He is 28 years old and a Narcissist and is getting worse each day. He almost got himself and my granddaughter killed 2 months ago in a motorcycle crash. I thought that might help him and he would become his old self and be humble and change how he is but sadly to say, it didn't and he is actually worse now to me since the accident than he ever has been. So I had to make the decision to leave him alone. I can't have him in my life. It's really sad and hurts, but it's a necessity for me to do this if I wish to live my life without having to be committed to a mental institution. My husband which is his stepfather told me I had to do this and make a choice and I did. I prayed before I did it and now it's in god's hands. But I just want to tell you that it NEVER GETS BETTER. THE BEHAVIOR PROGRESSES AND GETS WORSE. Please remember this. I am telling you this out of bitter experience that I have gone through myself. Keep your chin up.

[TishaBuv]

Hi Kristen,

It must be the most painful thing to back away from your son! I agree that you have to do what will save your own life. Was he always like this growing up? Did it progress? Do you think something set him off to be worse?