my bf yelled at me for venting

my roommate just texted me something that made me mad but also really anxious and i started venting to my bf about it. i admit that i was angry and i almost started crying cause i was so frustrated, idk why. at first my bf tried to comfort me and tell me don't worry about it. but i was like "but i can't, i know that she's mad at me." and i was saying stuff like is this my fault, and saying that i think i ****ed up. my bf kept saying i didn't. but i wouldn't believe him. eventually he got frustrated and was like "okay then sit there like a baby and ***** about it" and just stuff like, if you don't wanna take my advice then **** you. and said that i should be more grateful cause he made me some cereal this morning and i've barely touched it cause i've been *****ing about my roommates. i told him i'm sorry for not taking his advice before, that i was just acting hysterical and anxious and he was like "well you weren't taking it before." and so i just kind of sat there for a few minutes feeling ****** and kind of just thinking and he was like "stop pouting and eat your cereal" idk ik this is my fault and now i feel horrible. and now were sitting playing video games and i'm trying to just pretend that i'm okay but i feel like i really upset him. i told him that sometimes i don't like when he yells at me to make me get over stuff but i said that i understand how it might annoy him. he's done this before when i vented about stuff and didn't take his advice. idk but i wanna change and start being able to get over things, if anyone has advice, that would be helpful.

Talk to him about it. He should support you, as you're obviously struggling. Not yell at you, even though he's annoyed. You said you told him, but maybe you should have a serious and long conversation about it.

Sounds like a follow up conversation is a good idea, I agree. ^

We all have our moments that are less than stellar. I think it's normal. If it's a pattern, that's different.

Hope things are going ok.

Yep.

I also give my boyfriend a heads up before I vent. Sort of an "I need to get something off my chest" sort of thing.

He sounds sort of emotionally abusive to me. I feel like you should look at how much he adds to your life and how he affects your stability.It's never ok to talk to someone like that no matter how frustrated he is. You need people in your life who support you through your anxieties no matter how serious the issue is. That doesn't mean they should coddle you, but they also shouldn't put you down and rub your face in it later.

Hope you are feeling ok today. ((Hugs))

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

In general terms females process stuff and males fix stuff. It can lead to communication problems when the female needs to unload about a situation and the male wants to fix the situation. Hubby and I used to but heads over this sort of thing. I learned to say something like "I don't need you to fix this for me. I just need to talk about it." Could you and your boyfriend do something similar?

liz took the words out of my mouth. When a woman complains, men try to fix the problem or get the woman to settle down. When she doesn't, they get frustrated and even feel like they're not doing their "job." And they get offended that the woman is not following their helpful responses.

Yes, a heads up that venting is going to occur would help the situation. Or talk to another woman about it. We listen more, make sympathetic noises, and agree that the guilty soul is "insensitive, a *****,.....or whatever!"

And talking to your boyfriend about the difference between venting and really needing his help is a good idea.

He got frustrated because he did not get the result he wanted---for your to just calm down.
But that is no reason for him to put you down or make you feel bad about how you are feeling or what you needed to talk about.
When my roommate/friend acts like that, now, I don't allow it. I go, "Bruce, I was venting, please don't get too technical; I need you to just try and see what I am going thru. If I can't give you the result you want, that's too bad. It's not personal. But I should be treated like a bad kid because I am not acting mature, rational, or enlightened."
But there were many years before I learned to stand up to him when he acted like that. I went thru similar to what you went thru---a lot of arguments, a lot of misunderstanding, where he put me down a lot, called me childish and emotional, etc. it hurt a lot.
Carol

Verbal abuse.

So true. I used to get frustrated when I tried to fix my girlfriend's problems, and that wasn't what she needed at all. I didn't get angry with her. I just didn't understand why she wouldn't listen to my glorious advice. HA HA HA HA

Anyway, you need to vent and it will probably happen on a regular basis. It happens to be pretty normal. Just the way women process things. Your bf should therefore get with the program and give you what you need during those times... things like listening, understanding, inquiring and supporting in any way that you need.

Should he not do that, you will become frustrated with him because he won't be meeting your emotional needs, and if you're lucky, the relationship will end sooner than later. I hate to sound harsh, but that's pretty much it.

So you didn't do anything wrong. He just needs to understand that women are not like men and vice-versa, and the rules he follows for helping his buds in crisis (omg my ps3 is broken, :P) don't apply to women. He has to learn that or face a life of miserable relationships with women.

BTW, I'm sad to say that I learned this lesson after 43 years and one failed marriage.

Healthy communication is very important in any relationship. I think it's a great idea for you to vent in a healthy way and it is equally important for your boyfriend to listen to you and be supportive. Yelling at you and belittling you is emotional abuse. It is okay for him to feel frustrated because he can't do a quick fix on your problem. But he needs to process his frustration in a healthy way. You need to feel comfortable and safe to express how you feel. Your boyfriend could be more helpful to you by just talking you through the situation in a calm manner.