Anger and resentment building

I am in an emotional abusive relationship, i tried to leave months ago. We lost our house due to my partner not paying bills or finding employment.
I lost my job while pregnant with our baby so was left to rely on him to look after us.
I moved to my parents house and started renting the basement in hopes of starting fresh and dealing with my depression and anxiety. He would call daily to tell me he was going to commit suicide. Eventually, he promised he would get the help he needed via doctors, therapists and employment wise.
It is now 6 months later and hes yet to find a reliable source of income, he is angry at me all the time. He doesnt help with our children. He calls me sl*t and wh*re when I tell him iv had enough, he threatens to smash our vehicle because he won't allow me to take it (he has no driving license but is on the banks ownership), he threatens all sorts of things if i leave.
My parents house is terrible, my parents use me as a maid to pay for our rent. I take care of their animals, my brother, clean their house, cook for them, grocery shop and they talk down to me like im a burden in their life.

Im so drained emotionally and physically. I wake up with knots in my stomach ready to face my day, i just want to live in a house with me and my children and enjoy this time.. im on anti depressants now and see a therapist but I still fight these daily emotions.
I feel like i should run away in the middle of the night, but I fear I am overreacting.

I just want to end this nightmare. 😭

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. It looks like you don't have any support right now.. do you have any friends that can help you?

Getting away from an abusive relationship can be hard, especially if you already have kids. However, I think for your own good (and probably for your kids, as well) you should dump him as soon as possible. What have you tried to do previously?

Whatever you do, we'll be here to support you

Thank you for the kind words. It means a lot
I don't have any friends close by, iv been a stay at home mother now for close to a year and recently moved 2 hours away from home to live with my parents and am yet to meet anyone. Really hard with a 2 year old and 8 month old.

Iv told him i dont love him anymore, i refuse to wear my rings, i told him to leave but he just caused a scene in front of the children and screamed obscenities at me. I really don't want this to be traumatic for the kids so now I just stay silent.
I was going to run with the kids to the nearest womens shelter, but he suspects im going to run away, so won't allow me to go anywhere alone now. He always jumps in the car or takes and hides the keys.

The problem is, I pride myself on being kind and caring, i hate being angry.. but i can no longer be kind to him. When I bow down to his needs and leave him to do as he pleases, he is nice to me. Wants to kiss and have sex.. i just have to go along with it because otherwise he will just make my days worse than they already are..
I feel sick to my stomach

He is very controlling and seems to have a strong need to control you. Talk to your therapist about this. Ask for resources. You need to get out of his and your parents control ASAP.

I do need to get out.. my mother is a narcissist and treats me horribly in a very sly way. She also tells me im overreacting about my partner when I have tried to open up about it.
I'm just really nervous about it all. My therapist knows most of what is going on, i look forward to our next appointment to let everything out.

I know i need to go to a womens shelter to get away, but im so scared to stay there. It drives my anxiety insane.

This situation is so hard because taking care of such young children makes you more vulnerable (you need help, can't do it all alone and you understand this). You did take a step moving to your parent's house but did your H join you in the basement? Or is he living elsewhere? When our children are not in the environment we desire for their well being, it takes a toll on our mental health and your situation is especially hard. If your H is there with you, perhaps figure out a way to get to the shelter (leave in the middle of the night while he is sleeping?) I think the shelter would be better because you may feel less isolated and controlled there. Plus your H is abusing you--that is taking a toll on you, you really need to escape being treated like that. It is shameful if your parents are letting him stay there. I've read some of your other posts. I hope the situation improves for you and your children....

Zedsdead - I see you are Canadian.

Are you diagnosed with a mental health disorder? Are you unable to work because of it? If yes, then approach your provincial social services. Each province has a program (in Saskatchewan it is called SAID - Saskatchewan Assured Income for the Disabled) for which you may be entitled. Your psychiatrist just needs to show that your mental health is affecting your ability to work.

While this isn't a huge amount - I live frugally - it is enough to be independent. Being able to be just that - independent - will solve many of the issues you write about.

I agree, having young children makes it so much harder. Mine are both so young that I should be enjoying maternity leave but I cannot.
My partner followed me to my parents eventually after his threats of suicide.. swore he would get the help he needed but never did.
My family is definitely dysfunctional and they allow him to stay with, they don't really talk to me much, and don't bother with anything other than their phones, the couch or the TV. Sad.
He leaves on Friday and i think when hes gone i will have the freedom to be able to get myself on track and the support i really need.

Just anxiety and depression, im on medication for both, but do not have a psychiatrist.
I could work and have been searching for something suitable, i just cannot find a job that will fit daycare hours, also the cost of 3 children in daycare is ridiculously expensive even after subsidy. I am going to a health and wellness office on Friday that said I would be able to go on some kind of assistance.. but my partner has to be not living with me otherwise i would have to pay everything back.
Kind of hard sometimes when he won't leave or help support me and the kids!!