Fear of success?

Guys, I just want to share this interesting thing I discovered while thinking. I was wandering why, despite the termendeous amount of effort and hard work I do and the potential capability I have, I am in a very unpleasant condition. Although I was able to go collage, I am failing many credentials and have very little friends as well as changing part time jobs occasionally, hindering my revenue and dependent on my parental financial assistance. From a objective viewpoint, this is far, far away from what I wanted to be. And to this day, I did not know why I can screw up this much. I do often get a lot of chances. Indeed, I am in a very blessed, opportunity rich environment, yet, I make unthinkable mistakes in my decision making and killing almost every single opportunity. However, I realized one huge suspect I would have never thought about.

Fear of Success

I read this in a psychology article somewhere online and realized how much it describes my case. Looking back at my childhood, I often screwed all my success. When I made a perfect homework project and prased by my parents and teachers, I often destroyed it right in front of it quite violently. When I made a giant model and praised my friends, asking me to preserve and make it better by next time we meet each other, I destroyed right after they went home. I felt a strange deep satisfaction and was relieved. Going back to present. I think this is the main source of my problem and inefficiency.

Are you guys familiar with this symptom and are there any knowledge for cure? I think I need help for this because I'm entering the workforce soon and I want it fixed by then.

Hay, but I'm kinda happy finding things out! Just don't want to spoil this cool discovery.

Guys, seriously, this is potentially life changing discovery! I'm super exited about your thoughts into this!!

This might or might not be the same kind of thing, but I always wanted to be "just like everyone else" right along with everyone else rather than being academically superior. Once in the 5th or 6th grade I intentionally mis-spelled "pen" for "pin" because our class always won that kind of competition and I could not handle the thought of our class going on a picnic for winning while the other class had to remain in the cafeteria. It felt really good to me when the other class won that day, and it did not matter to me what anyone thought. The fact that I had mis-spelled such a simple word was intended to make it obvious to anyone paying attention that I had done that intentionally and had not made an error, and the bottom line in all of this -- and even to this very day -- was like a cry for all of us to equally love, accept and respect each other.

I think I do have a fear of success, or maybe more so the attention that can come with being successful. I never was a fan of my accomplishments being celebrated. I've never wanted anyone to make a big deal out of me or anything I did. I have also received hate as a result of my talent being acknowledged, and even though I don't feel like it was deserved, it really isn't a good feeling. Seems someone has always found a way to kick me right back down to the floor whenever I thought I had reason to believe I was worth something. I've never been able to enjoy my accomplishments for very long.

Never heard of it, it's pretty interestin though. Have you tried analyzing it with a counsellor, maybe?

I think I sabotaged myself in most things, too. Fear of success and of happiness. I can do things for a short while, but then drop out of most things, can't maintain, afraid to stick to it or just get bored and move on.

Hmm, if there are these much people who share similar symptoms, this must be a thing. I wonder if there are any solutions to this problem. Counselors might be interesting.

It's worth talking about with a therapist. I hope recognizing this pattern helps you overcome the obstacle.

Not so much a fear, but more of a feeling that you do not deserve success. It was a form of self hate, back then. Seems you are growing out of it now.

That can come from fear that you may not be able to maintain success. The fact that you destroy it so fast makes me wonder if you choose to do that before anyone else can, that seems like a desire to have the control. I think you need to explore how this may have started in you, could be a bully or older sibling that made you feel like if you did not destroy a positive they would? Could even be something your parents did that hurt your feelings at one point.

When you produce do you see it as something to be proud of or are you unhappy with it because it doesn't feel perfect enough to you?

I sabotage relationships because I cannot handle the emotional side of things and intimacy.So I get this.I also fail to work on or start creative projects for fear of failure and worst still success,I worry success with bring down on me demands that are overwhelming and that I cannot meet,and being ill,and being unable to fulfil obligations ,that is my worst nightmare.Otherwise if I could succeed at my goal I would be so happy.Like my whole life my story is me being held back by my fears.I don't know what to do.

My sister did that to me,she made me feel it isn't worth trying because she would sabotage it for me.

I am sorry that your sister's input has created a deep challenge in you. I have had that problem myself because going all the way back for me my older sister was bossy, could be mean and critical.

When we are very young and have a presence in our lives that is critical be it a parent or sibling or even a teacher or piers, we can develop an inner critic that can expect to be criticized or put down in some way. The saying, "We may forget what another person said, but we never forget how it makes us feel" is so true and can be something we carry our entire lives.

It's important to keep in mind that children are narcissistic and with siblings can get jealous and try to manipulate for attention. Children don't know this and can be sensitive and "believe" they are "less than". A lot of emotional challenges and deep sensitivities develop from a very early age. It can lead to a deep feeling that anytime one does something productive or positive to expect a presence that will "hurt" them or tell them it's not good enough or even laugh at them.

The first step is identifying this challenge so you can see it for what it really is, which is often "jealously" and a desire to remove whatever takes away attention and praise. This can be a challenge as often this "feeling" can be strongly imprinted.

This one is big! I struggled with it for an insanely long period of time. I would love to share how I dealt with it here.

Here's the process in steps:

I) Accept that you are better than others in some areas, and bad in others. Your natural inclinations made you better at some things than most. It maybe because you were drawn to it since when you were very young, and your passion alongwith continual exposure made you learn those things better.

II) The more you start creating success in areas where you are good at, you will start running into people who are jealous of you and intend to create all sorts of troubles for you. It may not always happen, but I suggest that you be prepared to meet this possibility. Rather than deny it and hide from it, you are better off accepting it.

According to my experiences, this is where the fear of success comes from. You are not only afraid of standing out and attracting bad attention, but you don't want to step on any toes.

III) If you focus on the right things, focus on what you want rather than focus on all these stumbling blocks as to why you cannot have what you want, you will find a way to achieve what you want. Nobody can keep dragging you down for an extended period of time if you focus on things that are important to you and have the willingness and persistence to work for it. If others make problems for you, make it a point to face them head on and overcome these problems than give up altogether. Would you rather deal with problems, or would you rather deal with regret of giving up on your goals?

You will always walk away stronger if you take a lesson from your struggles. My experience states that people who seek to create trouble and seek to drag you down will usually attack places where you show signs of weakness or vulnerability. Better then to take it as a challenge to purge these weaknesses.

You will regularly run into competition, which is good. Competition creates a healthy environment and ensures that the most deserving person wins the prize.

If you continue on focusing on all these imaginary scary outcomes that may result due to striving for success, you will find yourself burdened and slowed down.

If people are jealous, it is their problem, not yours. If someone has a problem with you succeeding, it is their burden to carry, not yours. It is usually people who don't have a desire to work hard and accomplish things seek to drag others down. If you let them, they will drag you down. Would you rather share in their mediocrity, or would you rather focus on creating the life you want? That being said, it is very rare that people will physically try and stop you from achieving your goals. Most will try and emotionally drag you down. Learn to thicken your skin a bit. Let their remarks slide off. They are usually taking out their frustrations over you, don't take it personally.

The problem starts when the competition is toxic, and will resort to unfair or harmful means to get an edge.

How to avoid unnecessary conflict and reduce the resistance from others towards achieving success? How to protect yourself from people who seek to tear others down?

Avoid those fields where the competition is toxic, unless you absolutely cannot.

Distance yourself from toxic people in your life who would rather have you stuck in a place they are comfortable with and dislike watching you succeed. This one is most important, and most rewarding.

Stay attuned to others insecurities. Your focus should be on co-existing in a way everyone succeeds rather than on stealing the "pie" from others. Strive to cultivate an environment where everybody wins. You have to learn to create competition with yourself. It's a good idea to show the willingness to help others do better at what you are good at whenever you can. That is how you inspire others to join you and support your goals.

In the long run, you are better off sharing company with those who share an equal passion for creating success or at least seek to be inspired from your achievements.

Despite taking these measures, if others are still creating problems for you, take stern measures. You are being bullied and will need to take strong measures to stop it or prevent it from repeating again. If you display any particular weakness, you become an easy target for bullies. For example, if you are a shy individual, you will regularly run into people who will push you around and seek to take advantage of your shyness. It is your job to become more assertive.

Here's an exercise you can do so you can start focusing on things that matter if you are struggling with fear of success:

Make a list of reasons as to why you absolutely must achieve any of your goals. Ideally, this list must contain your fears (say if your goal is to earn enough money for yourself, what is the fear you associated with not earning enough to support yourself), you current pains (say, your current struggle due to lack of money), and the advantage of achieving your goal (the freedom and relief that comes with earning enough money).

Read this list every day just before you start working. You will soon find yourself more focused on your goals and on doing the right things versus being occupied with the obstacles.

Sorry for my tardy reply

This happened to me before the age of five. I am not sure when it happened or what specific issue caused this but I know it was before I reached kindergarten age.