[Qubeley005]

The past two weeks have been like an emotional roller coaster. About 8 or 9 days ago I had a mini melt down at work because one of my residents has been driving my patients to the point where it got to be too much. I went to my boss but because this resident’s own mental health problems there really is not much that could be done. My boss and several of my co-workers have been talking about me behind my back saying things like “why is he like this?” and pretty much making me feel even worse about how I’m crazy.
Flash forward to this week and things have not improved. Nearly everyday I’ve been so upset or angry ive started to shake. It’s reached the point where I feel that I have become a ticking time bomb liable to explode in either a fit of rage or that I’m going to just breakdown and become a nervous wreck and hysterically cry.
I just wish this could stop and I could feel stable for a change.

[mc2ed]

I would talk with you....I am not sure of your work situation...in the meaning of resident's...and patient's....what the difference is...or what context that confers...with your position at work...

That being said....it sounds like no one has your back at work....which kind of leaves you swinging in the breeze....especially if it is stressful...and you are the one to give care...and meet the needs of others....

I am of the opinion that there is nothing better than a good cry when needed....though not at my place of work where I need to maintain...Is there no one you can talk to?...I have had situations...in a working environment...where the managers of different departments would attempt to undermine each other...and create power struggles and try and do go arounds against the owner.....those are horrific conditions to work in...

Is there an HR department you can speak with...?....I have a brain injury....and conflict is quite frightening to me....I have used writing what I need and what my courses of action are....down to paper...then making an appointment with the person the conflict needs addressing....asking them to read it...and then discussing it from there....

Being able to put my thoughts down and getting what needed to be voiced in the way I could phrase it without duress.....and fully expressed....was helpful for both sides....and usually allowed the discussion afterwards to have a more positive outcome....in the sense with was....working together...to resolve conflict...rather than....one person coming across as the 'why is he like this' person...a you against them mentality....

It also gave the other person a way to have resolutions.....presented...for choosing...possibilities....when they may not have known what to do....or how to resolve the issues.........sometimes people are put in charge that really don't have the skills to BE IN CHARGE....and offering them solutions...or explicit reasonings and options...are just what both parties need....

I hope you can find something that works to help....for all parties...instead of you just being ground down....you will not be able to sustain that....and really you shouldn't be expected to...by anyone....especially your own self....don't forget to be kind to yourself too.....especially if you are trying your best....

[Qubeley005]

I work in a senior home. We refer to the people who live there as residents since they are not "sick". My job is suppose to be an activity coordinator, basically i'm the one who is in charge of running bingo and all the other recreational activities.
As far as work goes in being able to speak to anyone about this. I can go to my supervisor who is the administrator of the building, she's doing what you can as far as the problem resident is concerned. But she's one of the people who is talking about me behind my back. We don't really have an HR department because the company i work for is small so, a lot of us wear many different hats so to speak. The only other option i have would be to go to the owners but i don't rally feel comfortable talking to them for one and two, i know they would side with my boss. I would love to quit but that would mean finding a different job and that takes time. I also need the health insurance to pay for my medications.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by mc2ed

I would talk with you....I am not sure of your work situation...in the meaning of resident's...and patient's....what the difference is...or what context that confers...with your position at work...

That being said....it sounds like no one has your back at work....which kind of leaves you swinging in the breeze....especially if it is stressful...and you are the one to give care...and meet the needs of others....

I am of the opinion that there is nothing better than a good cry when needed....though not at my place of work where I need to maintain...Is there no one you can talk to?...I have had situations...in a working environment...where the managers of different departments would attempt to undermine each other...and create power struggles and try and do go arounds against the owner.....those are horrific conditions to work in...

Is there an HR department you can speak with...?....I have a brain injury....and conflict is quite frightening to me....I have used writing what I need and what my courses of action are....down to paper...then making an appointment with the person the conflict needs addressing....asking them to read it...and then discussing it from there....

Being able to put my thoughts down and getting what needed to be voiced in the way I could phrase it without duress.....and fully expressed....was helpful for both sides....and usually allowed the discussion afterwards to have a more positive outcome....in the sense with was....working together...to resolve conflict...rather than....one person coming across as the 'why is he like this' person...a you against them mentality....

It also gave the other person a way to have resolutions.....presented...for choosing...possibilities....when they may not have known what to do....or how to resolve the issues.........sometimes people are put in charge that really don't have the skills to BE IN CHARGE....and offering them solutions...or explicit reasonings and options...are just what both parties need....

I hope you can find something that works to help....for all parties...instead of you just being ground down....you will not be able to sustain that....and really you shouldn't be expected to...by anyone....especially your own self....don't forget to be kind to yourself too.....especially if you are trying your best....

This is excellent advice. I hope this helps and things get better. Best wishes.

[Qubeley005]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

This is excellent advice. I hope this helps and things get better. Best wishes.

I hope so too. this is just getting ridiculous.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Qubeley

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time at work
But in supporting this resident.......I'm just wondering whether the gap between your role and the roles of your co-workers could be bridged a little more in everyone, particularly you, getting a bit more support??
With your role being a little more directed towards activities, which is a real important job (!!), maybe you're not as privvy to all the support approaches used with this resident..........perhaps staff who over the course of the day spend more one-to-one periods with them will have particular techniques they know work not so bad with them when their behaviours become a problem??
So maybe if you explained some of the problems you're having with them to individual co-workers and ask what they might do with/for the resident if those things came up they could have some suggestions??
Or maybe they could offer some advice on how this resident may be able to get more out of activities, might be other activities would suit them better, might be that they need some space/and to be sitting more away from others, might be someone in the group triggers them, might be they are only able to participate in anything for only much shorter periods of time.........
Even working out/understanding more why they behave the way they do could help you a little in what you do with them/say to them, or minimally in you feeling less stressed (??) when they behave "differently".
For instance if you know that they are going through severe emotional pain because of........or they are reacting due to a past negative experience.........or if dementia is an issue........or it's around the anniversary of a specific event/s.......it might be a little easier to accept or work around some of their behaviours??
And you know, documenting all of the problem behaviours- antecedent/behaviours/consequences- may be a key in some of this.........doing that may help you see some triggers or reasons for the behaviours...........could even help in identifying if they need changes in medication, if they take it, or changes they need in support approaches in general...........
Your co-workers talking about you though..........I don't know if it is personal or not, but maybe try not to take it personally, maybe try to see it more as they are showing concern about you........perhaps they've noticed you're a little stressed, and understandably so, but they don't know why and they are checking in with others to see if they can help with the why, or to see if others can help you/are helping you with the why..........?? I know it would be much better if they just talked to you, but not everyone can do/does that......
As for right now though, I know it may sound real hard, but when you're trying to manage this residents behaviours.........try to emotionally distance yourself a little hey??
They've obviously got problems, but if you can try not to see the expression of those as much aimed at you personally, maybe there are things you can experiment with that may help the resident/that may help with these behaviours or maybe there aren't any immediate solutions but chances are that they are unhappy for some reason and that doesn't need to be about you as a person, you can only do your best for them

Alison

Qubeley, just wanted to extend my support.