[angryworld]

Just over a year ago I had to move to a new state. Arranging for the move was difficult and I handled it very badly. I felt extremely pressured and took on too many of the necessary tasks. I became very depressed and didn't coordinate the move very well at all. as a result my sweetheart and I lost many of our belongings, they had to be given away or just thrown out. For the past year everything I do reminds me of what I've lost. There are moments when I am overwhelmed by shame and hopelessness. I will find myself awake at three in the morning, ashamed and afraid that I will lose what little is left. I can't move on, I am paralyzed by fear, certain that soon something will happen to force us out again.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you're struggling. Don't be hard on yourself..

I'm sorry you're struggling so much.. Maybe you need to allow yourself to grieve the loss of your belongings. That may sound silly, but they were important to you. I find that whenever I can't let something go, grieving is the way forward. It frees me.

Also, I know it can be terribly hard, but try and have mercy on yourself.. You made mistakes as all humans do, the important thing is to learn from them. You'll be better equipped to avoid the same pitfalls from now on.

I can also totally understand the fear of something bad happening again when you've already had that experience. Try to view that fear as a good thing - it's supposed to alert you to danger and protect you from harm. Think about ways to make sure you won't be forced out again. Maybe then you can rest easy knowing you've done everything you can. Of course, sometimes despite our best efforts, things do go wrong - should that happen to you again, know that you've survived each and every one of the worst days of your life thus far - it's likely you'll survive anything life may throw at you in the future

Also, try to trust and remember that something good can happen too Maybe you've had your share of things going wrong. I wish you all the best!

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by ShareYourStory

I'm sorry you're struggling so much.. Maybe you need to allow yourself to grieve the loss of your belongings. That may sound silly, but they were important to you. I find that whenever I can't let something go, grieving is the way forward. It frees me.

Also, I know it can be terribly hard, but try and have mercy on yourself.. You made mistakes as all humans do, the important thing is to learn from them. You'll be better equipped to avoid the same pitfalls from now on.

I can also totally understand the fear of something bad happening again when you've already had that experience. Try to view that fear as a good thing - it's supposed to alert you to danger and protect you from harm. Think about ways to make sure you won't be forced out again. Maybe then you can rest easy knowing you've done everything you can. Of course, sometimes despite our best efforts, things do go wrong - should that happen to you again, know that you've survived each and every one of the worst days of your life thus far - it's likely you'll survive anything life may throw at you in the future

Also, try to trust and remember that something good can happen too Maybe you've had your share of things going wrong. I wish you all the best!

Excellent advice.

[Rose76]

Can you talk a little about what precipitated the move? I'm guessing that you were not real enthused about making this move. That would explain you were only half-hearted in organizing it. Besides the possessions, you lost a place that, perhaps, you didn't really want to leave. Any truth to that?

[angryworld]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Can you talk a little about what precipitated the move? I'm guessing that you were not real enthused about making this move. That would explain you were only half-hearted in organizing it. Besides the possessions, you lost a place that, perhaps, you didn't really want to leave. Any truth to that?

Yes, I don't like moving. My family moved around too much for my taste as a child.
Our apartment was one of four in what used to be a duplex, now a quadplex (I suppose). We had lived there for several years and it was time for the building to be renovated.

[Rose76]

But why did you "have move to a new state?"

[angryworld]

Originally Posted by Rose76

But why did you "have move to a new state?"

This is where things got bad. I had started my own business about a year before and that seemed to be a problem. People weren't willing to rent to me without an employer or a longer business history. I couldn't find anywhere to move nearby. Time was running out and I was depressed and panicky. All I could do was turn to family to take us in. My sweetheart found us a place to stay with her family here in Arizona.
Very kind of them to help us and i am grateful, but it makes me feel like such a failure.

[Rose76]

Okay, so what you didn't initially post is really the crux of the whole problem. You lost your independence. I would feel very bad about that to. You don't need to just "let go." You need to figure out a plan to become self-reliant and not dependent on family for the roof over your head. You need to earn an income you can live off of. Lots of people who try having their own business don't succeed at it. It's painful when that happens. Either you need more time to get your business off the ground, or you need to accept that you must work for someone else.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you've had such a tough time. I'm sure you'll get back on your feet in no time. There is nothing wrong with staying with family members until you do. Kudos to you for having the courage to open your own business even if it didn't work out. No need to feel like a failure. This is a temporary setback. Best wishes.

[angryworld]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Okay, so what you didn't initially post is really the crux of the whole problem. You lost your independence. I would feel very bad about that to. You don't need to just "let go." You need to figure out a plan to become self-reliant and not dependent on family for the roof over your head. You need to earn an income you can live off of. Lots of people who try having their own business don't succeed at it. It's painful when that happens. Either you need more time to get your business off the ground, or you need to accept that you must work for someone else.

I understand what needs to be done in my head, it's just all these times when I feel this crushing weight of failure and doubt... it makes all my plans look so stupid and futile.
I haven't stopped altogether, I still work and look for more work.
I can't see the point in just treading water but I certainly see no point in drowning.
I have really lost touch with what it means to move forward.

[Rose76]

That certainly sounds like depression. You have an inner voice that is telling you lies. That's what depression does. Believe me, I'm well-aquainted with that inner demon.

Your plan failed. That's the reality, but that doesn't dictate that you are a failure who'll never amount to anything. The inner demon takes a specific truth and blows it up into a big lie. Hears a truth worth holding on to: "He who makes no mistakes does nothing." You tried something that didn't work out. It's awfully disappointing. But it's not true that you could only be happy in life having your business succeed. That's another big lie from the inner demon. It's never true that there is only one way for a person to be happy.

You have to make yourself walk a different path. Either you need to rework your approach to being in business, or you need to accept working in someone else's business. You can even do both. It's not true that, "I could never be happy working for someone else." That's the demon at it again.

Depression slows us to a crawl. But, even if you only get one small thing accomplished each day toward getting yourself an income, that's progress. Sometimes we have to "inch" our way forward. Open your mind to looking at a wider array of options.

Some opportunity out there that you now think is the last thing on earth you would want to do can possibly be a doorway into a way forward that you will like way better than you can now imagine.

You have your sweetheart, a roof over your head and I suspect you are still quite young. You have a kind of persistance. That makes you grieve at seeing a dream collapse. Normal. But that same persistance can save you. Channel it into "I'll be darned if I'm going to believe my life is hopeless because a plan I was following went off the rails."

As your screen name reveals, you've got an anger issue. Angry people tend to feel that life has been unfair to them. Well, you're right: Life is unfair. But it's just not true that, unless life is fair, you will never have any satisfying experiences. You've learned a hard lesson: "Just because I really want something and work towards getting it, there is no guarantee I'll get it." You need to let go of the plan that didn't deliver. You are fully capable of coming up with an alternative plan, or two, or three. Embrace your capacities. You can plot a new course.

[angryworld]

Yes, depression is a liar. And a sneaky one, too. I get so wound up I forget to look at what's really happening now and what my thoughts really are. I think what's really happening is grief and regret. Regret is really easy to learn from, you look to doing what you wanted to do in the first place. Grief takes time, no rush, no pressure, just stay in touch with it and mark the time.

Thank you for helping me get out of my head for a bit.