Anxiety Makes Me Unable to Sleep All of the Time

Great news, hope you get to finally have some restful sleep.

Today, my son has been home two weeks. It was of his own doing but he lost everything on that trip out West and is starting over.

My H allowed him to come home partially for my sake but has been leery that he has changed his ways. He is wanting him to show a sense of urgency about fully supporting himself. I assume he is trying. H assumes he isn't.

H constantly questions me about what steps he is taking. My H's preference is that our son join the military. I agree this would be a good thing if my son was open to it. H and I served and so did our fathers. I don't regret joining the Air Force.

My son wants to go back to school and get a 2 year nursing degree. My H wants to tell him he has to the end of October to find his own place. Given my son has zero dollars that is a tall order. Twenty four hours after my son's return, there have been constant fights between H and I. I am told I am the reason for the situation my son is in. I am reminded of my mental problems including my attempt. But H seems more emotional than me much of the time about this and gets very angry if I say he is emotional. My life is tolerable when we put this issue on the backburner for a while but it has been constantly rearing it's ugly head. When it does, I am lectured for long periods of time and told that if I just do what I am told, he will solve the problem in regards to my son. I feel like my son's best chance for success is to feel supported for more than a couple of months. I am not comfortable with H's approach. He is not comfortable with mine. It is feeling like an unending purgatory on Earth dealing with this issue. I have no hope that we will ever agree or that it will ever go away. I cannot turn my back on my son and I cannot escape my H.....

I'm sorry.

It is not fair to blame you. It sounds like he is lashing out at you in frustration.

Hoping I know you have tried hard to meet your H half way but it's impossible when he is insisting your son join the militiary when it seems your son has no inclination to - there is no half way to meet. It sounds like he is issuing ultimatums.

Does your H listen to your son? I mean truly listen to what your son is thinking and feeling.

Both of them have hard feelings toward each other and rarely talk. When they do it usually blows up so I am left in the middle.

H was not a neglectful father. One good thing I did while my son was away was work on an album for my son that showed all the things H did with him growing up. He played with him all the time when he was little. Took him hunting, the major and minor league baseball games, fishing, Tball, volunteered at his high school all the time, etc. My son did have a positive reaction when I showed him the proof of all this.

My H is a detail oriented perfectionist and gets emotional when he thinks people are not acting right. Until our son proves himself to his dad, the standoff will remain. They are both to frustrated at each other to listen very well....

If they are not listening then there is nothing you can do unfortunately. Until they are willing to listen this will continue.

I understand H cares about your son and this is his way of showing it, and I understand being detail oriented - that is similar to myself, I can get frustrated with others too and can go very 'tunnel vision'.