I am a basket case. I have always been an overly anxious mother. I taught at my youngest child's preschool (he's 22 now). When he started kindergarten, the teachers had a policy of no volunteers for the 1st 2 weeks so the children get used to being without their moms (and probably vice versa). I remember being unable to eat during these two weeks. It reminded me of how heartbroken I felt when my first crush was transferred to another state because of his job. My H says I have always jumped in and helped him at a moment's notice to the point of it being detrimental.

My son is now living out of his car on the other side of the country in a city without any family. His only lifeline is that he is working for a company where a good friend of my brother also works. For the sake of good order and discipline, he is not directly over my son but is looking out for him (not promotion wise--just someone he can call if he needs help). So on Friday, my son calls before work from another phone saying both his phone and car batteries are dead. He wants to call his immediate boss but did not remember the number. As I am fumbling on the phone (I was googling trying to see if I could order him a taxi via internet), he realizes that he has my brother's friend's phone number memorized and says that he is going to call him. Oh, and my son recently lost his wallet too. That is the last I heard from him. When I call, it immediately goes to his voicemail. Though I have expressed my concern about the situation, my brother has not found out any further information regarding my son yet. I have been getting very little sleep thinking about the situation. Last night--4 hours sleep. It was the same many other days this week because after talking to him Tuesday, I became concerned when we did not talk on the phone until Friday. This is what happens to me for a few days a week most weeks--and it has happened periodically for me for my entire life.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. What you've described has got to be nerve racking. Can your brother call his good friend and find out how your son is doing? Do you have something you can take to calm your nerves in the meantime? Sending big hugs.

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. What you've described has got to be nerve racking. Can your brother call his good friend and find out how your son is doing? Do you have something you can take to calm your nerves in the meantime? Sending big hugs.

Talked to my brother. The friend says he got to work on Friday (with help) and someone from work helped him cash his check. Someone found the wallet and sent me a facebook message (he gave me his phone number ) and saved the wallet. When my son shows up to work on Monday--they will pass that phone number to him. (I texted, voice mailed and emailing it but who knows if the info was received.) That is all we can do.

You are right about calling my brother--he is the only one who is able to help me with my anxiety about my son.

What a good samaritan the gentleman is who found the wallet.

All of this is karma. When I left home at 18, I never called my mom and she had major anxiety problems as well. It's in my DNA.

[Fuzzybear]

I don't think you are feeling karma, just the flip side of all the love you have for your kids.

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

I don't think you are feeling karma, just the flip side of all the love you have for your kids.

I just hope that living out of his car isn't to stressful and that he is mostly enjoying the challenge of being in a new place. He joined a boxing club and seems excited and committed to training to be a highly fit boxer.

[divine1966]

It's not surprising that you can't sleep! Your son is living in a car, I hope he's all right. Do you think he could eventually get a place? It's getting colder at night. Hope it gets better. I worry about my daughter a lot. I understand. Hang in there.

[Bananas are good]

hey Don't worry about it to. Sometimes I am that way with storms. I get real nervous! That down NOT make you a basket case. Everyone get anxiety and might lose sleep over it.

Originally Posted by divine1966

It's not surprising that you can't sleep! Your son is living in a car, I hope he's all right. Do you think he could eventually get a place? It's getting colder at night. Hope it gets better. I worry about my daughter a lot. I understand. Hang in there.

No worries about the cold there. It is still quite hot, even at night. The average low stays in the 60s (or higher) until October 10th, so no worries about the chill until around Halloween. The heat was what killed his battery phone and we are talking again now that it is replaced. Yes, as long as he is on the street, there is a lot to worry about. Hoping he can get a studio apartment soon. One of my family members wants to make sure he sticks with this job for awhile before sending a bit of money but my son will have to fund nearly everything anyways. I will help when I can. In emergencies, we deposit small amounts of money into his bank account. We pay for his phone and occassionally order him food via the internet. He worked Saturday and Sunday so will have worked a 55 hour work week when Friday gets here. Cost of living is reasonable in this location though everything is so much more expensive than things were for us when we started out....

This is what living in a car alone must feel like:

The situation is making me angry--it has gone on for way to long!
I am taking all my anxiety meds and working whenever I can (I do not have a full time job--only odd jobs).

So things are not going well still. I may have blamed my H more than I should concerning this situation (though I go back and forth in my head about this). It continues to put a big strain on our marriage. Do not want to discuss further, only want to document that he is mad at me. He makes me anxious sometimes and I am not sure if I should be worried or it is all in my head. Many people know about my username, my T, for example. Though it may not be a perfect record this is a place where I vent my emotions. Though I may make assumptions and not always think things through, this is where I vent my anxieties.....

[MickeyCheeky]

Sorry you're feeling so anxious. I don't think it's too unusual: you're a mother that loves her kids, so of course you'd be worried (not implying that you need to be anxious to love your children..).
Keep venting here, perhaps it will help.

[reb569]

Hopingtrying -- I totally understand why you would be worrying. In the same situation I would be too. I have experienced panic attacks when worried about my daughter. Hang in there. I hope he is able to get into an apartment soon.

My husband worries about him and is trying to help yet I take it out on him by not acknowledging his concerns and feelings the way I should. He helps me emotionally as much as he can but my support for him has been inconsistent at best. I apologized and we are doing better.

Thanks for your support.

When I attempted in 2015, I was angry and ashamed that my H and I had failed our children. Dealing with the aftermath provided many diversions but I am back exactly where I started once again. Everyone in my life (except H during our fights) says that I have been a good mother. I know deep down inside my soul and my heart that this is not true.

Two days ago (Sunday, August 29, 2017), he called. We only tallked a few times very briefly then we agreed to talk again the next day. Yesterday, when I called his hotel room multiple times, he did not pick up, I was only able to leave messages on the room's phone. I fear that at least one of the messages I left was all wrong. He is so far away. I do not know the full story but I am sure his life is not easy. I still am not helping him. Not really. This is not an easy thing to post.

[Thunder Bow]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

This is what living in a car alone must feel like:

The situation is making me angry--it has gone on for way to long!
I am taking all my anxiety meds and working whenever I can (I do not have a full time job--only odd jobs).

In the winter of 2009-10. I camped out alone out in may car at Spirit Mountain. This is how I felt like.

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

In the winter of 2009-10. I camped out alone out in may car at Spirit Mountain. This is how I felt like.

It sounds freezing cold. What did you do to get off that mountain? Any advice concerning what to say if my son calls? I am thinking, "Get yourself to the Greyhound bus terminal somehow..."

In a few days he may be back home. I am unable to talk to H about what we are going to do when he arrives. It is causing me a lot of anxiety. H is tired of dealing with the problem (and that I do not agree that our son is 100 percent of the problem--I honestedly have a lot of confusion about this and cannot abandon my son). It could end our marriage. I have mixed feelings about the prospect of our marriage ending. I honestedly do not know if it is just him trying to get his way (and I don't even know what I want to do--I only know that I am uncomfortable with how H wants to handle the situation but have not got a good counter argument in this discussion) or if he is just ready to walk away from my craziness.

And maybe I really AM crazy. It seems like he only watches the Justice channel when we start talking about divorce. When I asked, "Why are you watching this? he sure started explaining. I don't care. The life insurance payout would help the kids more than I seem to be able to and the unbreakable pattern and the same old arguments over and over would end. Yea!

Please stay safe. If you and H did split up it would be a big life change and challenge but you would get through, you are working now and that could help you get another fulltime job if you needed it.

It may not come to that. But you would cope and get through if necessary.

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Please stay safe. If you and H did split up it would be a big life change and challenge but you would get through, you are working now and that could help you get another fulltime job if you needed it.

It may not come to that. But you would cope and get through if necessary.

Thanks for listening. I am not suicidal. Just frustrated that H and I cannot yet come to an agreement about how to help. My fights with H are triggering my MI but it settles down when I retreat to my own side of the house. I am OK. Thank you for being such a good friend. You give the best advice all of the time. I am so glad you are there for so many of us at PC!!

We bought him a Greyhound bus ticket. It left at 1:30 AM, Sep 7th. The bus station were I live in Florida was closed until yesterday. Lots of customer service runaround. Stories don't match--some of the things they told me had to be lies. Supposedly, he is coming into our station tomorrow. Stuck is bus stations days and days! He has had it way worse than us even though we just got our power back. I hope he gets here tomorrow!

It sounds very stressful, I am proud of you keeping it together through this - you are a strong woman Hoping.

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

It sounds very stressful, I am proud of you keeping it together through this - you are a strong woman Hoping.

Haven't been able to make his trip easier; just taking it day by day. Will be glad when he finally arrives....

He's home.