I am in a residential program for people with mental health diagnoses. I am thinking about moving back home. I thought I was moving forward in being in this program. The staff who come in 4x a week to see me, sometimes trigger me though. I have been stressed by them in this program on and off since it I started last year. I have complained, every time. I am deeply stressed today, because a worker came into my apartment for a visit, and was incredibly rude to me. She told me I'm all "over the place" in the service plan notes. She was aggressive (verbally) and hostile towards me, after I told her I didn't want to talk about the things she was bringing up. I don't see this changing (the staff's behavior). She was put back on my case, and this is only the 3rd or 4th time I've seen her. I am incredibly stressed out. I felt like hurting myself. I complained. But I just don't think they're going to change. I know I'm very sensitive. This happened about 4 hours ago, and I'm still stressed about it. The worst part is, I don't think they care (the staff or their managers). It reminds me of a therapist I had years ago. She was incredibly unprofessional. I stayed with her for a long time, and it was damaging.

I don't know what to do. I know that I really like having my own place, and want to move forward. I know that I could try to let this go. But I'm having a hard time letting it go, and I don't think these people care. I think they're causing me stress, and they don't care.

I know I have issues. I know. I know I'm overly highly sensitive. So who is it? Them? Me? Both? I am so stressed out. I just want to go home. I'm crying.

[Bill3]

(((((starrysky)))))

[CepheidVariable]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I am in a residential program for people with mental health diagnoses. I am thinking about moving back home. I thought I was moving forward in being in this program. The staff who come in 4x a week to see me, sometimes trigger me though. I have been stressed by them in this program on and off since it I started last year. I have complained, every time. I am deeply stressed today, because a worker came into my apartment for a visit, and was incredibly rude to me. She told me I'm all "over the place" in the service plan notes. She was aggressive (verbally) and hostile towards me, after I told her I didn't want to talk about the things she was bringing up. I don't see this changing (the staff's behavior). She was put back on my case, and this is only the 3rd or 4th time I've seen her. I am incredibly stressed out. I felt like hurting myself. I complained. But I just don't think they're going to change. I know I'm very sensitive. This happened about 4 hours ago, and I'm still stressed about it. The worst part is, I don't think they care (the staff or their managers). It reminds me of a therapist I had years ago. She was incredibly unprofessional. I stayed with her for a long time, and it was damaging.

I don't know what to do. I know that I really like having my own place, and want to move forward. I know that I could try to let this go. But I'm having a hard time letting it go, and I don't think these people care. I think they're causing me stress, and they don't care.

I know I have issues. I know. I know I'm overly highly sensitive. So who is it? Them? Me? Both? I am so stressed out. I just want to go home. I'm crying.

I'm so sorry. I'm very sensitive too. I have huge self-esteem issues and don't deal well with conflict -- often not at all. So I think I know what you're going through. I can spend days agonizing over it.

Forgive me for offering obvious and trite advice, but you know you don't have to decide anything tonight. Give yourself a break. You really need it. Can you go for a walk? Go and see a friend? Anything physical to clear your head of the distress for a bit? I know you meditate a bit, but I find I can't do it when I get really distressed in the moment. It does seem that you often find some new strength in the new day.

Maybe I can think of something better to say later. I just want to post this now and be here for you.

Originally Posted by CepheidVariable

I'm so sorry. I'm very sensitive too. I have huge self-esteem issues and don't deal well with conflict -- often not at all. So I think I know what you're going through. I can spend days agonizing over it.

Forgive me for offering obvious and trite advice, but you know you don't have to decide anything tonight. Give yourself a break. You really need it. Can you go for a walk? Go and see a friend? Anything physical to clear your head of the distress for a bit? I know you meditate a bit, but I find I can't do it when I get really distressed in the moment. It does seem that you often find some new strength in the new day.

Maybe I can think of something better to say later. I just want to post this now and be here for you.

((((((Cepheid)))))) Thank you for this. So very much.

Dear Starry, that would have stressed me too, I think many people would not like people coming into their home and talking like that with them.

I like the suggestion of taking time out, a walk, seeing a friend.

Long term though, is there any staff on this programme you feel you can trust to feed back your concerns to?

Sending a gentle hug.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you feel so stressed. I can relate. Try to take some time for yourself before making any important decision.

[cool09]

I lived in a halfway house and it was an incredibly bad experience. The staff wasn't trained in mental health and they could have cared less about me or the others in the house. They barely reacted when I said I was going to harm myself. What do your parents think would be best?

[Thunder Bow]

Think about Leaving the Program. It seems to Controlling. Also I think you do not belong there anymore. You moved past them in your healing.

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Think about Leaving the Program. It seems to Controlling. Also I think you do not belong there anymore. You moved past them in your healing.

I really appreciate you saying this. A lot. It takes the pressure off of me to stay.

Because the thing is, I'm doing really well on my own. I just think a residential program...this program, is not a good fit for me. I can't live on my own without being in this program though. And my relationship with my family, has gotten better, by me moving out. Being on my own, and being away from my alcoholic dad...I've liked it a lot. My relationship got better w/ him too when I moved out.

I may very well move back in with them though. I also thought....maybe I could come up with a plan for when these people trigger me. Right now, though, I really just love the idea of leaving.

I know I have more work to do on myself. But sometimes these people trigger me into an unhealed place.

I made a pros and cons list. But I am still emotionally stressed out about stuff with them. I emailed the director and she does not validate me. She just defends herself. I am thinking about posting my email to her here, and her email back to me.

I did go to the gym today, and to physical therapy. It felt good. Tomorrow I have counseling therapy. I'm so excited. Perhaps I will feel more settled tomorrow. Or next week, when I meet with the director.

ps: my mother would really like me to try and make it work here. She says I can come home. But she wants me to stay.

[CepheidVariable]

Originally Posted by starrysky

Because the thing is, I'm doing really well on my own. I just think a residential program...this program, is not a good fit for me. I can't live on my own without being in this program though.

I wondered about that. You've mentioned some jobs, a friend you at least exercise with, and your parents. Is it possible you have enough of a support network to be on your own outside of this program?

You've talked about fitting the place out, and maintaining it. I know you get out and engage in activities as well as shopping for needed things. If there are still things you need help with, maybe your parents or others could help with those in your own place rather than doing so back at their home.

I don't know of course; I'm just tossing this out there. Maybe it's not feasible, but maybe you're not limited to just the two options. I just hope you're not selling your self short.

Originally Posted by starrysky

And my relationship with my family, has gotten better, by me moving out. Being on my own, and being away from my alcoholic dad...I've liked it a lot. My relationship got better w/ him too when I moved out.

I think the independence really helps. Is it possible to have a standing arrangement with your parents to crash at their place on a really bad night, rather than permanently moving back in? You know -- a safety net, rather than full support. Your counselor might have some ideas on that front.

starrysky

I talked to my therapist on the phone today. It was really helpful. She said that even though I don't feel empowered, I am doing empowering things. And we are going to talk about it when I see her tomorrow. She said she doesn't think it has to be either or (leave or stay) and she thinks it wouldn't serve me to go back to my parents house (it would serve me to stay, and to find a way to manage this and the way I feel when I am triggered). I trust her and when she said this, I didn't feel resistance. I'd thought it myself. I think the main thing, is that for some weird reason, this whole thing reminded me of an experience I had about 5 years ago. I am going to talk about that with her too.

((((((((((Cepheid)))))))))) Thank you for your thoughts and support. It might be feasible to live on my own. I'm not sure. I may figure out the logistics later. I don't really have energy right now ...and yeah, I can crash at my parents house on a bad night for sure. They're pretty great like that My mom likes to have notice, I understand that though.

You are quite right that I often feel better the next day, later on, etc. I appreciate you reminding me. I also like your idea of going for a walk and talking to a friend. Last night, I called a helpline. Today, I exercised some. I think posting out my thoughts here, is also helpful.

[Medusax]

I wish I could say I understand, but I don't. I can only give you this

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I also thought....maybe I could come up with a plan for when these people trigger me.

Can you get yourself in a routine/habit of listening to classical music regularly?

How Does The Brain Respond To Classical Music?

http://www.livestrong.com/article/15...assical-music/

Music of all varieties has been shown to generate health benefits for the mind and body. Listening to music can lower blood pressure, induce relaxation, reduce anxiety and even increase your libido. Some have asserted that music, particularly classical music, can boost cognitive function.
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Duke University's Dr. Kevin Labar says that classical music can improve your intellectual performance, but not by raising your IQ. Classical music can produce a calming effect by releasing pleasure-inducing dopamine and inhibiting the release of stress hormones, all of which generates a pleasant mood. "And inducing a pleasant mood," says Labar, "seems to clarify thinking."
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Dr. Claudius Conrad frequently listens to Mozart in the operating room, but the surgeon says the music offers significant benefits to his patients as well. He conducted a study in 2007 in which he treated postoperative patients to Mozart sonatas. The patients responded with a reduced need for pain medication, lower blood pressure and lower levels of stress hormones, all of which are music therapy benefits that were demonstrated in other studies. But Conrad also found that the patients' brains released 50 percent more pituitary growth hormone, which reduces inflammation and promotes healing. His study was published in the December 2007 issue of "Critical Care Medicine."

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Also, I once read a book about the importance of walking as it relates to mental/emotional healing - the author made the case that the repetitive, bilaterial motion of walking can greatly assist healthy emotional processing/release - but you have to pair the walking with the willingness to consciously engage/acknowledge/confront the challenging emotions that are affecting us... In other words just walking by itself won't have the same affect as walking AND allowing yourself to consciously access that which has been bothering you... Something to consider...

[seesaw]

Can you ask your T to get involved if necessary? Like emailing the director herself and complaining to the director? Sometimes if an outside medical professional gets involved, those people snap to order.

Seesaw

Originally Posted by seesaw

Can you ask your T to get involved if necessary? Like emailing the director herself and complaining to the director? Sometimes if an outside medical professional gets involved, those people snap to order.

Seesaw

Yes I can. I think it's a good idea for future possibly. Thanks.

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling pretty ok about this for the time being.