[TunedOut]

I am extroverted in some ways and shy in others plus still don't have a smart phone and when I came to PC had only posted on FB about a dozen times (wasn't that into).

Also, in college, I would sometimes get sort of not shy, majorly extroverted at Halloween parties (in the anonomity of a custume), and occassionally when drunk.

Having said so many things here that was just way TMI about myself--I mean, anyone, good and bad could be reading--I sometimes wonder if I just didn't handle the newness and dangers of social media and how emotionally I got sucked into it at times. So embarrassing to think about given that I am not young at all.

Hopefully I know better now but really feel for the young people that have had to navigate the potential pitfalls from a very young age. Anyways, be careful about putting out TMI about yourself and try not to be too trusting if that's possible for some of us. Some of us, whatever our age , can be too trusting sometimes. Take care you'all!

I agree. I do have concern about the younger generations getting influenced by social media. Although i don't consider this site to be a social media site, it's very very similar. Thanks for sharing that. Best to you

[sarahsweets]

I dont see PC as social media personally, I see it as a support group. I have facebook, insta and I follow a few people on twitter(never tweet myself). I do not ever post anything on social media that I wouldnt say to people in person. I only have 100 friends and I actually know and have spoken to them. If I wouldnt go see you or pick up the phone and talk to you then I do not have you on my list. I occasionally go through purges where I reassess whether or not there has been any positive interactions between me and a friend and unfriend if there has been none. I have people I went to HS with that request me all the time and I deny them. I mean, you couldnt give a crap in school but now you are all of a sudden interested in my life? Anything you post can always be found out and dragged up from the internet graveyard. This is what I think the millennials, gen z's, y's (whatever) lose sight of. They see social media as an extension of the real world and see these perfect instagram lives and it makes them feel bad about their own lives. Or they openly fight with comments back and forth. Or they take it seriously. I think there is a real risk with middle and high school kids. They use social media as weapons against each other, especially the girls. And as easy as it is for me to say not to worry about it, it doesnt matter, its their whole world. Suicides and bullying have occured due to people ganging up on someone or spreading rumors. I guess being old and wise and having hindsight makes it easy for me to tell them it wont matter in 10 years but its really relevant for them now.

[TunedOut]

A family member of mine (older like me) is stalked by someone from high school (who she wasn't even friends with but everyone knew each other because the town was very small). Even though she isn't on FB and lives in a completely other state, he manages to contact her either by coming to the state or sending mail to her home and where she works. He even sent email to her work (and she had changed jobs--how would he know without hours of research? Like Sarah, she no longer stays in touch with anyone from high school). Because of this, where she works no longer has pictures and names of the people working there online. The police can't do anything because he has never made a threat. There are so many ways online to track people now. That's why it's probably best not to give out your name or email on social media. Perhaps I shouldn't have even mentioned what state I am from....

Originally Posted by TunedOut

:There are so many ways online to track people now. That's why it's probably best not to give out your name or email on social media. Perhaps I shouldn't have even mentioned what state I am from....

Well, I had several bad experiences. I once had a blog and some troll got it into their head they were going to find out who I was and tell my employer lies about me just because they disagreed with me. But I actually think this person did not want people getting money off their good ideas.

Ever since I have taken steps to cover my tracks the best I can. I straight up lie about things (I mean the story is true but I might change the players) so no one can put too much together.

I google my real name from time to time and ask google to delete links that reference my real name.. or social media (google has a portal to do that)

FYI e-mail can trace you. There are headers (metadata) attached to every e-mail that gives out your IP. It isn't smart to ever give your e-mail out.

I change my e-mail / delete them from time to time.

On social media I have one account for my real name but do all of my "groups" and talking under a fake profile.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

Well, I had several bad experiences. I once had a blog and some troll got it into their head they were going to find out who I was and tell my employer lies about me just because they disagreed with me. But I actually think this person did not want people getting money off their good ideas.

Ever since I have taken steps to cover my tracks the best I can. I straight up lie about things (I mean the story is true but I might change the players) so no one can put too much together.

I google my real name from time to time and ask google to delete links that reference my real name.. or social media (google has a portal to do that)

FYI e-mail can trace you. There are headers (metadata) attached to every e-mail that gives out your IP. It isn't smart to ever give your e-mail out.

I change my e-mail / delete them from time to time.

On social media I have one account for my real name but do all of my "groups" and talking under a fake profile.

Sorry about your bad experiences. There are some real horror stories on Youtube and the show Catfish.

Great suggestions! Thanks for all the info about google and giving out your email. I have given out my email to a few people. I assume they are trustworthy because all the interactions have been positive but I won't do it anymore. Sometimes anonomity is a good thing.

[randomer123]

When I write about things on here, I have to leave out a lot of details. And I usually write things very vague like "someone" instead of saying how they are related to me. This way it makes it harder for anyone to know who I am. If someone I know is on this site and reading things, I hope it's vague enough so they don't know it's me.

That's the whole reason I joined this site, for the anonymity, it's the only way I can write how I really feel about things.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by randomer123

When I write about things on here, I have to leave out a lot of details. And I usually write things very vague like "someone" instead of saying how they are related to me. This way it makes it harder for anyone to know who I am. If someone I know is on this site and reading things, I hope it's vague enough so they don't know it's me.

That's the whole reason I joined this site, for the anonymity, it's the only way I can write how I really feel about things.

I am trying to be more consistently vague now. How much information I put out there was both bad judgement a symptom of how upset I felt inside. The "anonomity" was a bit to freeing for me.

[TishaBuv]

Hi TunedOut!

I agree social media, where your identity is known like facebook, can be very dangerous. I never posted much on there. I posted an occasional family photo, and felt concerned about how someone viewing it may feel badly toward me for whatever reason. I posted an occasional cryptic, snarky crack that nobody ever really ‘got’. I certainly never posted photos of my meals! Then one time I fell into a hornet’s nest with a knee jerk response to a triggering political post from my family member that turned into WWIII, and we have all barely spoken since. So, not much social media for me.

Although, I think it’s hilarious to tweet while watching The Bachelor. You should read the comments and memes people post, and I’ve gotten in a few good ones myself. Guilty pleasures.

As for here— I know I spilled my guts here with TMI. I figured it was anonymous, and even if someone who knew me came on and figured out who I am, I didn’t care. I also felt quite confident no one cared enough or was curious enough about me to do such a thing. Heck, I even told plenty of people i was quite active on here and guess what? Nobody cared!

I remember, when I was little, my older sisters would tease me about how nobody was looking at me or cared at all what I looked like or did anyway. They really spoke the truth.

My mother self published many novels. Heck, nobody cared enough to read them! Nobody cared what she wrote. From what little of them we did try to read, they were insipid! She’s mad as hell nobody cares...but that’s the way it is.

I’m not saying nobody here is not cared about enough for anyone to want to read their posts who knows them. I can see how a jealous husband may want to know what his wife is really up to, or gather ammunition to use in a divorce.

I never said anything here I wouldn’t say to their faces. I most likely did say everything to their faces. It made no difference anyway. I am immensely unimportant.

I have a stalker who keeps friend requesting me on facebook. It’s a long, scary story. I just ignore him and feel pretty confident that if he was going to physically harm me he would have done it already.

[TunedOut]

Despite what you think people do care about you. (Unfortunately, that includes stalkers--you are really very sweet and so is the family member in my family that is also getting stalked. I am sorry that's happening. The person in my family that is dealing with it has always had things like that happen to her. I think people get jealous of her sometimes even though she is a sweetheart!)

I am pretty sure my husband still occassionally checks on me here when I am acting weird. I do have a lot of problems with impulsiveness and bad judgement. I have let myself get carried away about things a few times in my life since I was very young. He does care. I know I am lucky that he does. I am fine now if he looks. I am trying to be much more open about what I think to him. It is terrible that I would talk more about how I was feeling on here than to him. I feel so lucky.

I can't imagine people not caring about you. You know I always will think you are the sweetest, funniest, smartest person ever. Thanks for being there when I needed someone to talk to. I hope you know, even if it is only anonomous and I am only your peer--I love to hear about what is going on with you.

[TishaBuv]

^This made me cry with your caring and kindness!

I’m sorry to hear your family member has a stalker. Maybe she should ‘disappear’ on social media and lay low for a while, and always be with other people. I don’t know the situation.

This man knows me from a lifetime ago, I stupidly fueled the fire, he loves/hates me and is not mentally well. He lives in another state, I think. Yes I have PTSD and issues and in a way I don’t really care what happens.

I’ve had a little break from PC for the past few months while yet another awful family drama has played out. This time is was from my son. He’s doing something he decided will somehow define him and give him much happiness, and that thing goes against and deeply offends our traditional values. We’d have accepted it, if he only handled it with an ounce of gentility, but he feels he must flaunt it and rub it in our faces, humiliating us, regardless of how we feel and have pleaded with him. So I don’t want to know him anymore. I am grieving a loss of yet another person who is not dead because they do not care about me at all, and that’s a fact. I wish it weren’t. But, painfully, I have learned over and over that it is.

I’m hopeful many others here have not had this hurtful dynamic with their loved ones. This isn’t an issue of a woman with MI who is distorting things and needs to do DBT to put things in perspective. It is real.

I hope your son is doing well and recall that he was having problems. My son, who I thought was the most wonderful, loving child turned into quite a hateful young man. I wish him health and happiness and will stay far away.

I am now on round-the-clock meds and still no P doc. I’m coping. Please forgive me for upsetting anyone here who will suggest I get professional help. Been there, done that, bought them the tee shirt, I got nothing.

Yuck, I can’t stand to hear myself talk.

You’ve been a wonderful, caring friend in our life’s issues together. Wishing you health and happiness and all the best, L.

T

Originally Posted by TunedOut

Despite what you think people do care about you. (Unfortunately, that includes stalkers--you are really very sweet and so is the family member in my family that is also getting stalked. I am sorry that's happening. The person in my family that is dealing with it has always had things like that happen to her. I think people get jealous of her sometimes even though she is a sweetheart!)

FYI, stalking is a crime these days. I actually think a federal one as well. She may want to talk to the police. If there is nothing they can do they can tell her that but law enforcement's best tools these days IS social media... easy to get damming information from facebook directly with the slightest reasonable suspicion of a crime.

I also am required by my job not to be known on social media. We even have a policy and I had to sign (not willingly) a confidentiality agreement. So here or anyplace on the net I have to use false names and false information to tell a story. My sister makes fun of me but once I put up a photo on facebook that could be considered telling the world where I worked and the next day we got a warning to reread the social media policy.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I am grieving a loss of yet another person who is not dead because they do not care about me at all, and that’s a fact. I wish it weren’t. But, painfully, I have learned over and over that it is.

This isn’t an issue of a woman with MI who is distorting things and needs to do DBT to put things in perspective. It is real.

I wish him health and happiness and will stay far away.

I am now on round-the-clock meds and still no P doc. I’m coping.

You’ve been a wonderful, caring friend in our life’s issues together. Wishing you health and happiness and all the best, L.

T

Our son's are young. We pray, hope and keep our distance. I believe you when you say you are not distorting how bad things are. In my case, my MI muddied the waters and I am confused about the truth about who my son is and what is going on. Time will tell. I am also relying on a lot of meds. Thankfully, the VA blessed me with a psychiatrist that really seems to understand me and so I am more trusting about the medications I am on. I have a therapist too. I don't assume that what works for me will work for you.

I know how much loss you have suffered. Hugs friend.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

FYI, stalking is a crime these days. I actually think a federal one as well. She may want to talk to the police. If there is nothing they can do they can tell her that but law enforcement's best tools these days IS social media... easy to get damming information from facebook directly with the slightest reasonable suspicion of a crime.

I also am required by my job not to be known on social media. We even have a policy and I had to sign (not willingly) a confidentiality agreement. So here or anyplace on the net I have to use false names and false information to tell a story. My sister makes fun of me but once I put up a photo on facebook that could be considered telling the world where I worked and the next day we got a warning to reread the social media policy.

Since he is in another state, he has not showed up often enough for the police to do anything (she did consult them). She is not on FB. Lots of weird letters though that have even showed up at places she has worked and places she has lived (she never talks to him).

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by TunedOut

In my case, my MI muddied the waters and I am confused about the truth about who my son is and what is going on.

I want to be more accurate about this. There are some positive signs but I have gotten so much wrong in the past and based on what has happened in the past--it is to early to know. My H and I are hopeful. I don't want to talk anymore about him on PC. He is on his own so I don't know for sure.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by TunedOut

Since he is in another state, he has not showed up often enough for the police to do anything (she did consult them). She is not on FB. Lots of weird letters though that have even showed up at places she has worked and places she has lived (she never talks to him).

The problem when a stalker is in another state is if he tells you he was in your driveway after returning to the state he lives in (and the neighbors confirm)--you would file the report where the stalking took place but they are not going to extradite someone miles and miles away whose main "crime" is proclaiming his love for you (though you have never encouraged it or said you like him even as a friend).

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by TunedOut

A family member of mine (older like me) is stalked by someone from high school (who she wasn't even friends with but everyone knew each other because the town was very small). Even though she isn't on FB and lives in a completely other state, he manages to contact her either by coming to the state or sending mail to her home and where she works. He even sent email to her work (and she had changed jobs--how would he know without hours of research? Like Sarah, she no longer stays in touch with anyone from high school). Because of this, where she works no longer has pictures and names of the people working there online. The police can't do anything because he has never made a threat. There are so many ways online to track people now. That's why it's probably best not to give out your name or email on social media. Perhaps I shouldn't have even mentioned what state I am from....

That’s really scary to hear that he was seen showing up at her house. If it were me, I’d probably be so freaked out, I’d move and disappear.

Possible trigger:

Not to make light of it but once my ex, very funny friend, who was obsessed with someone and we accused her of being his stalker said, “Eh, stalking is a young man’s game.” Implying at her age she had no more energy to stalk.

[KD1980]

This is why I use pseudonyms online. I never use my real name.

Not sure if I can already do this but, one good thing the site should consider is to let us change our user name. If we did it from time to time it would offer some protection. You could change your name but it would be the same account.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

Not sure if I can already do this but, one good thing the site should consider is to let us change our user name. If we did it from time to time it would offer some protection. You could change your name but it would be the same account.

Thanks for all your great suggestions! This suggestion made me realize that I needed to delete a post where I referred back to some of my old posts (I have changed my username more than once when I got embarrassed/upset/whatever ). An administrator kindly did this--they are great! Our posts from our deleted accounts never go away but they are much harder to find when you change your username. You also lose all your old PMs. For me, I am fine with that--I am trying to leave the past in the past (understand it but not dwell on it). I think I have learned a lot/grown a little bit from when I first posted at PC.

[TishaBuv]

I know you get anxious about what you may have said on here should someone close to you read it. But the concerns you come here for support with, isn’t it good to address? Aren’t you taking those issues directly to the source and addressing it with them too?

I have had struggles with my loved ones not acting caring to my face. If they don’t think enough of me to do that, they certainly don’t care to want to read what I wrote about how I feel about that rejection.

I agree though, it’s smart to not post specific details because you don’t want to jeopardize your anonymity due to whoever may want to do harm. I get thoughts about people using the information I post for good and evil scientific reasons. Yet I still post because I don’t really care. Let’s hope good will prevail!

[TunedOut]

Yes, I get concerned about talking about things that I shouldn't talk about. There are things that happen in relationships that should be kept private in order to keep the trust and show you respect them. Yes, there were problems and they made me so anxious that my reactions made it even worse. I have made progress addressing my issues and am patiently waiting to see (sometimes I address it; othertimes, I just listen) if it's enough. We all have bad days. I assume they care about me. I care about them.

I am sorry you feel no one cares.

I agree--hopefully, good will prevail.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I remember, when I was little, my older sisters would tease me about how nobody was looking at me or cared at all what I looked like or did anyway. They really spoke the truth.

My mother self published many novels. Heck, nobody cared enough to read them! Nobody cared what she wrote. From what little of them we did try to read, they were insipid! She’s mad as hell nobody cares...but that’s the way it is.

I am immensely unimportant.

I think it's sad that they told you this because what we come to believe sometimes manifests itself in our lives. When I am really feeling happy, sometimes I get happy looks right back. An example would be when I was working at an event and cracked a huge ear to ear smile in the direction of a guy that was also working there because he was just so nice and cute (he was only around 25 years old)--having seen exactly how I was looking at him, as our eyes met, he immediately walked up to me and asked, "Is there anything I can get you? A bottle of water? A Monster drink (the Monster vendor that day was handing them out to us for free)? If I was in an anxious or unhappy mood--I would not have gotten that reaction.

I felt like my dad loved me unconditionally and I tried to do that for my children. I don't know if it was the right thing or not (one of my dad's favorite sayings was "you can't spoil a rotten egg" ) but that was the way I wanted to be because I wanted to be like my dad. He made me feel so loved that I mostly tend to assume people like me too (yes, I know I can be annoying and am not that talented but I don't often feel unlovable or that no one cares). It might be all in my head. Half of the life I experience is just what is going on in my head anyway. Sometimes the same tracks just play over and over in my head. It's only real because I am thinking it!

[Thunder Bow]

Yes there is risks as mentioned above. But you got protection. Just log out.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Yes there is risks as mentioned above. But you got protection. Just log out.

Yes, just log out.

And if you can't stop yourself, time to take your medications or call the doctor.