[jaymoq]

My younger sister is pregnant. I am divorced and without any hope of a family (in the near future or beyond). When I was married, my then husband can’t have children so I had accepted I wouldn’t ever have that in my life. And I was okay with it. But now... I am going to be an aunt and I am realizing how much I want a family. I’ve always done everything “right”. Got a good degree, have a good career, got married to a responsible man. But, my job has been awful lately due to budget cuts and my ex became controlling and took a job where I saw him 4 days a month and after a few years of that I just broke down. Now I’m single, drowning in debt from the divorce (attorneys are expensive and so is having assets frozen for two years) and I find out my sister who has no degree, was working a part time job and still living with my parents, is pregnant. And everyone is happy for her. I’m happy for her.

But I also feel like....why am I trying? Why do I try to do the right thing. People around me are having kids and making mistakes and not paying bills and messing up at work and they’re ok. They are happy. And me.....I’m not. I want to stop caring. To be ok with not being perfect. My whole life everyone has told me to try harder, be better, stay stronger. That I wasn’t anything until I had letters behind my name and a nice house and nice car and al that BS. I’m tired of that. I want to stop caring about that. To be able to live my own life.. and stop caring about everyone else. I am envious of those around me who are not pressured to be that but I am also anxious. Even when it seemed like I had everything, I felt like I had nothing. And now that I have nothing, I want something.

I just want to stop caring. And live my life. Not worry about the consequences. And stop being afraid. I want to stop waiting for the right time to do things. I want to stop living this life my parents told me I should. Because now I’m just broken and my sister who lived on her own standards and didn’t care about anything else is now happy. She has purpose. And I feel lost.

I know that’s not a reason to go out and have a baby tomorrow. Obviously. But I hate that it’s not even on my radar. Because In my pursuit of everything I have run my train so ragged I don’t know when I can be in that place. But also- she wasn’t in that place. But of course the father has a good job and is taking care of her.

I’m just sad. I don’t want to care. I don’t want to feel this way anymore.

[downandlonely]

Not really sure it's hard to stop caring, but I kind of understand how you feel. I always thought I was going to be a mom, but I see all my friends from high school and college having kids, and I don't.

I have considered adopting from foster care. Have you thought of that?

[jaymoq]

I have considered adoption. I think what scares me most is not knowing. If I will find someone who wants a family. And if he did, can I even have children? I’m terrified that even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. And the only way I’d know is if I tried.

It’s just hard. My coworkers and friends are also all having children and they keep telling me I don’t understand stress until I have kids, I’m so lucky to have free time. They joke about not wanting their kids anymore and how tiring it is. And then they tell me to go home to my cats and enjoy the single life. But I don’t want to. I want that.

Ladies at work getting preferences for having babies and because I’m single and no children, they send me on out of town trips. But I have a ranch. I run it by myself. But because I don’t have a child, that doesn’t matter.

I just want to be able to say these things. To defend myself. But I’m just that sad single lady in her 30’s without a family who’s been divorced and who lives with her animals.

[MickeyCheeky]

I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY for what is going on with you, @jaymoq! Yes, I COMPLETELY understand why you'd feel sad about ALL of this! The WISE and WONDERFUL downandlonely gave you some WISE and WONDERFUL advice about adopting a child from foster care! Yes, it can be scary to try out new things, but if you wish to have children, and you can afford to adopt one, I'd say why not? Please give it a thought. I am sure there are some experts on the subject that you can consult before making ANY decision! I also think it is WONDERFUL that you're taking care of animals, although many people don't recognize or appreciate the effort it takes! I'd say focus on doing your best and perhaps find some hobbies for yourself. Try to meet new people. Just try to do something that you feel like it will make you TRULY happy! Also please try to avoid comparing your Life with other people's Lives. I understand it is hard and that it is not your fault... but try to resist that impulse! I hope your Life will improve soon, @jaymoq. It is hard to take control of your own Lives when we've been through SO MUCH already! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need someone to talk to or vent to or evens ome advice and support! I am SURE plenty of others will also KINDLY, GLADLY, BEAUTIFULLY, GENEROUSLY, CARINGLY, SWEETLY, WISELY, DEEPLY AND WONDERFULLY help you out as well! THAT'S A PROMISE! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @jaymoq, your family, your friends, your sisters and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN and that you're HURTING AND STRUGGLING SO BADLY! I TRULY, REALLY AM! PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP HOPE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING, @jaymoq!

[bpcyclist]

I am sorry you are struggling with these things, @jaymoq. But let me just point out--and I don't mean this in the pejorative, condescending sense, I mean it in a positive, supportive sense--you are still quite young. I know you are not feeling that way, but the world is your oyster. You could do anything, at your stage of life. Virtually anything. Sell the ranch. Move to Europe. Get a different job. Be full-time at the ranch. Go back to school. Become a chef or an artist or a musician. Or, you could be a mom. Lots of different ways to do that, but you do not have to have a partner to be an awesome mom. Just ask moms.

Personally, to me, it sounds like sort of what needs to happen is you need to make a list of what you want to do. Prioritize it. Then, go make it happen. You are not ever going to have these young years back again. Once they're gone, they're gone forever. If you want to be a wife, then be a wife. If you want to max out your career, do that. If you want to raise kids, then do that. If you want to blow glass, blow glass. Just do it.
All I did was work during those years. Then, when I was supposed to begin enjoying the fruits of my absolutely insane work history and the enormous sacrifices I had made over many years, then, I became psychotic. The party was over. Now, it's all illness all the time. I guess what I am saying is, if I had known back then what I know now, I never would have worked so much. Would have chosen a completely different occupation. And I would have enjoyed those years. Had fun. You are still at a place where you could make that sort of decision. I think you ought to do just that.