[K0123]

Sometimes I just want to give up. I don't know where to go or what to do with myself. I just want to sleep. I want to find a quiet place away from people and lie down and sleep.

I feel nobody can truly help me. I've tried counseling, medication, reaching out to those I wish I could trust, but I always feel the same or worse.

I want to give up on my counselor, I want to give up on my relationship and my life.

This isn't where I want to be. It hurts. I hurt.

I'm putting in effort, but I feel that I'm not getting anywhere.

My counselor says she won't give up on me. But, I'm not sure she knows how to help me. Her advice or lack thereof is disappointing. I feel so desperate. I need help but I can't seem to find any.

I wish I was rich so I could actually afford help.

And living this way is hard, and even harder when I feel abused just for being who I am. The way society treats those who suffer without visible signs... I've been told to "get over it." People just see your worth based on your income or title.

I know I have a lot to offer. And I know who I want to be, underneath all that weighs down on me.

I'm tired of feeling so awful.

[Yzen]

I'm glad your counselor says she won't give up on you. No one should ever give up on you, that includes yourself. You are special and have so much good to give and offer. Keep working at it, K0123.

[lady411]

Well it sounds to me like you’re going thru a really tough time right now. But try to see it as temporary. It helps to try to see a light at the end of the tunnel. All I can see is a can totally relate with you. I’m not sure if you have children or not. I am a mother of three and rarely but sometimes I feel the way you do. And children give you a big sense of worth, hope, & courage to fight thru whatever feelings you may be going thru.
What do you have in your life rights now at this moment that gives you courage and hope?
Maybe a pet or a close family member.
Think about how they would feel if you suddenly were not in their lives?

[Fury]

You want to give up. They don't. We don't.

You are tired of everything and that brings down your happy chemicals. That induces depression which further reduces the happy chemicals. Then you get tired and heavy and unmotivated

And that's okay

You can have your time to yourself, to regroup your thoughts. To decide if certain things are right for you. That is the smart thing to do. but beating yourself up about it is not the right thing to do. You have NO obligation whatsoever to be energetic and accepting every single day of your life.

It's a form of sensory overload.

Take time to yourself - BUT DO NOT STOP ANY PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION WITHOUT CONSULTING A DOCTOR - and try to regather yourself.

In times like these, where you want to give up on everything around you? That's your condition trying to tell you to give up on yourself. YOU are in control.

If the emotions are overwhelming and affecting your decision-making, then try to meditate and compartmentalize your emotions to separate them from your logical thought process ("spock it" as I like to call it) and try to determine if your emotional response is the right one for what you're going through. Try to think of how you would normally respond to it, and try to change your response to what you deem as reasonable.

The urge to just give up will further the rate of decline of the happy chemicals in your brain. Try to do something every day - no matter how small - and add on to that every day. Try to do an activity that takes up a lot of time, but requires focus and attention to detail - like sewing or reading - to put your mind into an "awake meditative state" where you are in the zone but not focusing on yourself. This allows your brain to, essentially, recharge in a manner similar to sleep - only you get something accomplished in the process.

If your brain is too worn out to give you the happy chemical, you have to find ways to get it out of your brain "manually". it can be difficult without much motivation, but you're doing it for you, not anyone else, not your doctor - YOU.

You have to re-learn how to love yourself.

[K0123]

Thank you, all, kindly. 💛

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by K0123

And living this way is hard, and even harder when I feel abused just for being who I am. The way society treats those who suffer without visible signs... I've been told to "get over it." People just see your worth based on your income or title.

You are definitely not alone. I can relate.

I wish, I had something more to add.

[K0123]

Getting fresh air helped.

Talking through some stuff with my partner helped.

And reaching out to my mom for advice helped.

I also talked with my counselor this morning, and she suggested something I'd done before but forgot about... making a list to refer to when feeling stuck, helpless and under attack, a list to bring me back to reality. I think I may dissociate at times and I forget there's a world beyond what hurts me.

Some things on my list I plan to add are getting fresh air and daylight, listening to loud music (specific music) in the car, singing and crying if it can come out... I'm not sure what else yet but am excited to make this list.

[Yzen]

Originally Posted by K0123

I also talked with my counselor this morning, and she suggested something I'd done before but forgot about... making a list to refer to when feeling stuck, helpless and under attack, a list to bring me back to reality. I think I may dissociate at times and I forget there's a world beyond what hurts me.

Some things on my list I plan to add are getting fresh air and daylight, listening to loud music (specific music) in the car, singing and crying if it can come out... I'm not sure what else yet but am excited to make this list.

I like that idea of the list! Thanks for sharing it. One psychologist I talked to advised me to not resist my emotions, so letting yourself cry or feel sad or upset when you are alone can help more than trying to always expect to stay strong.

[MsLady]

Originally Posted by K0123

Getting fresh air helped.

Talking through some stuff with my partner helped.

And reaching out to my mom for advice helped.

I also talked with my counselor this morning, and she suggested something I'd done before but forgot about... making a list to refer to when feeling stuck, helpless and under attack, a list to bring me back to reality. I think I may dissociate at times and I forget there's a world beyond what hurts me.

Some things on my list I plan to add are getting fresh air and daylight, listening to loud music (specific music) in the car, singing and crying if it can come out... I'm not sure what else yet but am excited to make this list.

That's awesome! Yesterday I was thinking about getting myself a bicycle lol

Stay strong!

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Yzen

I like that idea of the list! Thanks for sharing it. One psychologist I talked to advised me to not resist my emotions, so letting yourself cry or feel sad or upset when you are alone can help more than trying to always expect to stay strong.

It’s truth. This happens often because we double struggle: On one side, the negative emotion itself and on another side, the worry and charge because we don’t want to allowed to feel this emotion. We want it to disappear and feel well but it doesn’t work like this. Just, the other way around.

[K0123]

I think a lot of why we resist emotions is conditioning due to society's standards... I often feel rejected when feeling down, by others, as if it's a bother - people act like they may catch it or that the hurting person is toxic...
You mentioned feeling when alone, such as crying...
Emotions are interesting, and the human experience.

Why are there so many rules that don't make sense...

[continuosly blue]

I think this virus thing is forcing many people to re-evaluate their lives in a big way. It hasn’t been hard for me as I’ve been self isolating for YEARS. I am not connected to society. I have no friends. No birth family to talk to. I’m in chronic pain and can do very little. I feel worthless and useless. I’ve wasted so much time. But not on purpose. I could have been something better. What a waste of a life. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m very grateful for the little thing’s in life..
I’m definitely tired of always feeling like I have to “do “ something. Society is now being forced to slow down. Reevaluate what’s really important.
God help us all........

[Yzen]

Originally Posted by K0123

I think a lot of why we resist emotions is conditioning due to society's standards... I often feel rejected when feeling down, by others, as if it's a bother - people act like they may catch it or that the hurting person is toxic...
You mentioned feeling when alone, such as crying...
Emotions are interesting, and the human experience.

Why are there so many rules that don't make sense...

I am afraid of showing emotions in public because of that rejection. At work, I fear I would get rejected or affect my paycheck if I let my emotions be seen too much. At home, I feel I have to act strong because others expect it. That leaves me with the only safe place to feel strong emotions is when I am alone.

I think we learn from our society and childhood to resist and suppress emotions in many situations. It can't be healthy. It is part of the human experience, like you said.

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

It’s truth. This happens often because we double struggle: On one side, the negative emotion itself and on another side, the worry and charge because we don’t want to allowed to feel this emotion. We want it to disappear and feel well but it doesn’t work like this. Just, the other way around.

That is an excellent point. We double struggle and use so much energy to fight the emotion itself that we have less energy to care for ourselves as we work through the emotions.

[K0123]

I don't know. I woke up this morning feeling so bad. But I don't know why exactly, I feel guilt, yeah, on top of it so I started thinking of allowing myself to just feel...but I wonder how fully I can let go and feel due to the persistent resistance. Then I started thinking it feels so strong, this resistance...is it a survival coping mechanism?
I'm always feeling guilt for feeling.
I do feel angsty because of trying to be somebody for the sake of my surroundings. 'Authenticity.'
I have a lot of healing to do.

I hope you're all having a good morning.

Life is so hard sometimes. I hope it gets better for us all.

[Yzen]

I just read an article this morning that says if you take time to identify and feel your emotions that it makes it easier to cope: Owning Your Feelings | Mental Health America

Maybe the resistance is a way we think we are protecting ourselves.....that could why it seems so unsafe to let go of it.

[K0123]

Originally Posted by Yzen

I just read an article this morning that says if you take time to identify and feel your emotions that it makes it easier to cope: Owning Your Feelings | Mental Health America

Maybe the resistance is a way we think we are protecting ourselves.....that could why it seems so unsafe to let go of it.

Thank you for sharing this!

I think identifying or first knowing how to identify the feelings is a very beneficial solution or idea to this... maybe it's easier to allow it if it's easier to understand what is going on... maybe it would feel less like an attack or less traumatic or overwhelming if it had more 'visibility.' Perhaps then it could be accepted easier and it could run its course? Easier said than done, but worth a try..

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Yzen

I just read an article this morning that says if you take time to identify and feel your emotions that it makes it easier to cope: Owning Your Feelings | Mental Health America

Maybe the resistance is a way we think we are protecting ourselves.....that could why it seems so unsafe to let go of it.