8 months later she’s moved on and I’m in pieces..

Hello all. First time posting. Apologize if I ramble,, I’m kind of a mess. My ex wife and I separated back in April, and signed official papers 2 weeks ago . We had some problems over the last few years, but were still generally happy(at least I was). Most our problems were financially related. She has done very well for herself over the years, working her way to a pretty high position at a local hospital at 34. I drove a beer truck up until last Oct when the closed our branch and I was laid off. We lived pretty modestly, not a lot of vacations...no boat, RV, Atvs, etc. yet we never could save money. I let her handle the finances, mainly cause she made more money...and I trusted her. Our last argument in April ended in her telling me she didn’t want to work on it. She hadn’t been affectionate with me in years..and blamed her job. I was devastated. I wanted to fight for her, go to her work and serenade her. Anything I could..but I knew deep down it wouldn’t matter. She wanted to just print off divorce papers and file cheap. I found out shortly after that she had run up over 20k in credit card debt. Cards I didn’t even know about, and never used...yet had been helping pay since they came out of our joint account..and she felt she did nothing wrong. When I realized the situation I was in, dead broke with nothing..while she had the house, the dogs, all our stuff..and wasn’t willing to split any of it. I lawyered up and sought some restitution. Part of her 401k, child support, whatever was in the table. That enraged her, so we stopped communicating other than arranging time with kids.

2 months later she dropped our youngest off to go “see some friends out west” for a week. I knew right away it was Prbly a guy. And against my better judgment, I got on her Facebook and snooped(I know, I regret it daily). Not only was there a guy, there were dozens of nude pics. The wife I couldn’t get to hold my hand, was sending this guy she’d known maybe weeks these pics. It leveled me. I learned what the meaning of depression was that day. It took me 2 months to even get back to work.

This week has been hard cause xmas was our holiday. We used to go all out. I had heard threw my youngest mom had a new “friend” the last month or so. This was a local guy, not the west coast booty call guy. I have now heard in the past week from 2 mutual friends of ours that it’s Facebook official.

We are 8 months since I moved out. She reveled in her single life, then jumped to this..incorporating a new man(and his kids) into my kids lives’. All the while I struggle every day,. She is constantly on my mind, still. I don’t sleep well..I don’t eat well. My kids are all that keep me afloat. I’ve read a lot. I know there’s a process. I know it’ll get better.. I know the holidays don’t help, nor has Covid and its ill effects.. but I have had a pit in my stomach for months. It dominates my life. I get emotional 3-4 times a day. How do I move on from something I miss so bad.? What is my life going to be now? This dominates my life, daily. I never thought I’d be single at 43, and see the love of my life move on so easily...and be so happy.

I'm sorry.

Could it be that she seems more appealing now that she's with someone else? Its a very common phenomenon. Regardless, I'm sorry your heart is broken.

From what you wrote, it sounds like she treated you poorly. You deserve better in your life.

"How do I move on from something I miss so bad?"

1.) This will take time, but time does heal.

2.) Consider that if someone doesn't want to be with us, its not always a reflection of us, but of them. When someone is in our lives for a season, even a long season, when they leave, it hurts. Its painful even physically. You may be going through withdrawal. Also consider that ppl who can't see our value and reject us, aren't worth our time of day, despite the time of day we give them in our heads!

3.) Check out the book Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch. There's a whole chapter in it about rejection and how to heal from it. There's also a chapter on rumination you may want to look into.

4.) Be around other people. Get out if your head and connect with your friends and family. If you don't have any, consider making some. It can really help to have a support network. Post here, if it helps. There's lots of good support you can find here from others. Welcome to My Support Forums, btw!

5.) This situation, while painful, could be a time of immense positive transformation for you. I don't think anything brings about positive change and growth in a person quite like devastation and a broken heart.

6.) Unfriend her on facebook. You don't need to see that crap. Tell your friends you don't want to hear about her and him. Imo, friends who tell their heartbroken friend details like this aren't good friends. Unless you asked. Stop asking. Live YOUR life, and slowly learn to live without this individual. Try to stop obsessing about this individual. Just Google "how to stop ruminating." You will come up with a lot of help.

7.) Focus on being a good father.

8.) Do you have hobbies or things that bring you joy? Do them. If not, set out to discover what makes you happy.

9.) You may be being given a gift. You are being given a new life despite not wanting it or having asked for it. Consider that maybe this is a blessing in disguise.

10.) I'm not saying "get over this right now." You may still need to grieve. But there's a lot you can do to "move on," too.

11.) Consider seeing a therapist who can also help.

So Sorry to hear what has happened to you! Please take ALL the Time you need to Grieve. It won't be easy for sure but it will get easier. i'd say the advice that @WovenGalaxy has given You is WONDERFUL! Please take it ALL into consideration. i don't have much to add myself. Definitely keep yourself distracted and see if you can contact a therapist or doctor to help you with this. Do try your Best! You do matter much! SEnding many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @UncertainFuture, your Family, your FriEnds and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

I have seen this happen to the nicest people, so don't think it's you. Sometimes a person we think is safe to love suddenly does things that we had no idea they could do. I think that you are getting a picture of who she is so there is no point in continuing to investigate. It's hard to grieve something like this, it takes time and patience and building up the will to work on self and get strong and even find someone else that can appreciate you.

I am very sorry, wish I could have a magic wand to wave to take this challenge away for you.

Thank you all for commenting, especially wovengalaxy. I don’t have a big circle of friends so it’s been hard to get out of my head and stay occupied. I’ve also had to start a new job that pays well but I hate..it also leaves too much down time to think. I have plans to build a home soon, which has been fun to plan. I accept my new reality, and there is a part of me that looks forward to what my future brings. I just seem to not have had the ability to get her out of my thoughts.

I am sorry you are struggling.

She has naked pictures on her Facebook? Is it even allowed? You said she sends them to a guy? Like in private messages? You wouldn’t be able to see those. If she publicly posting naked pictures, she might get in trouble at work. That’s weird how a grown woman wouldn’t think posting nudes online could be dangerous. Regardless, it’s probably best to stop snooping

It’s been only 8 months so it will get better. Stay busy. Focus on your kids and job and building new more satisfying future for yourself. It will get better