[Gasplessy]

A black-hole

I knew what I had to do to be okay for a lifetime and simply didn't do it.
Now life is gone
I'm a Ghost

In the first half of my twenties I was a narcisist and Aware of how much i was Wasting behaving like that
Then at 25-26 i was a depressed narcisist and escape confrontations

I can't Believe it
I had everything back then. I just had to be' true to people, to my lost loved one. But I didn't. Instead i engaged in every possible addictiv ********.

[Skeezyks]

I watched a free movie on YouTube yesterday evening titled: "The Patron Saint of Liars". It was an adaptation of a book by the same title written by Ann Patchett. It made me sad because, although the particulars of the lead character's life and my life are / were different, we were cut from the same mold, as the saying goes. Here's a link to the movie, just in case you have an interest:

Thinking about my past takes my breath away. You wrote you're a ghost. I hope you will yet be able to find a pathway back to the land of the living.

[mote.of.soul]

@Gasplessy, just remember please, you were young, naive, you didn't know any better, immature, not like now. But yes, when the eyes open to how one has really been in the past, a great shame may overcome you. And that's a sign you've mended your ways. It's time to be strong now and carry the burden of the past. And hey, no one's been a saint all their lives. When you look at other people, realise there's a history of good acts and in all probability various levels of questionable acts too. Why? Because no one's perfect.

Come on, it's time for a hug.

[MickeyCheeky]

i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters. Do not let the past haunt you as everyone makes mistakes so no need to be hard about yourself! We can't change the past but we can change the future so definitely work on that. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Gasplessy, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[AzulOscuro]

We are a mix of our genes and how we interact with the world while being raised. Many times, find very difficult to notice all these maladaptive patterns we developed. Maybe, we couldn’t do much more with our own tools.
It can lead people to feel very lost and unaware. It’s not easy to fall to the bottom and reach the surface. You got it. You follow a long process. Changes are not easy, much less, psychological ones, but you got it.

This counts a lot, say a lot about you.

[AliceKate]

I've been there, mate. Not the details, but the monster part. If we don't deal with it, we just go about hurting others one way or the other. If we do deal with it, we become disoriented shells of ourselves. I'm not sure how much advice I have to offer, I do not trust myself with relationships. I can never admit to who I was, it would just drive people away. So I can never truly let go with anyone, never be entirely myself with all I am and was.

I can only offer my sympathies and my encouragement to make amends. Not with the people you have hurt, it's best to leave them be, but with yourself, so that one day you may be able to look yourself streight in the eyes, accept who you were and like who you are. And one day, maybe, you and I will be able to have a healthy, lasting relationship with someone.

[Fuzzybear]

Hugs and respect

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

We are a mix of our genes and how we interact with the world while being raised. Many times, find very difficult to notice all these maladaptive patterns we developed. Maybe, we couldn’t do much more with our own tools.
It can lead people to feel very lost and unaware. It’s not easy to fall to the bottom and reach the surface. You got it. You follow a long process. Changes are not easy, much less, psychological ones, but you got it.

This counts a lot, say a lot about you.