How are you coping today? #4

Not well at all. I wish I would just disappear never to come back. I just hate myself so and life hates me.

Life is one cruel joke, and I'm learning to expect learning and work like hecketh. To hell with it all!

Totally,
The audio on this video is horrible, but I find my teenage heart throbs smile in this video both happy and tragic at the same time. It perhaps reminds me of the sweet smile of someone in my life whose life also seems tragic. I keep praying for a miracle. When I think of Everlasting Love, I think of God's love now. It has become harder for me to imagine the sentiment of an everlasting love coming from other people but I am trying to be someone who shows love not negativity. I fail at this sometimes but keep trying. We get back what we give!

I've been told that many times that you give what you give and I get sick and tired of hearing that. I was always accused of being selfish in life. I hardly remember enjoying my teens very much. Maybe that's why I feel I'm a mess now. The teenage years are when you find out what you can't have and it's a pretty ****** decade. I'm here to remind you of that, TunedOut. I'd quit listening to that song that reminds you of the supposed great years of teenagerdom.

I’m trying my best again. This dumb PMDD is really rough this month. These last few days I’ve had to split up my morning and night meds and Valium into shifts so I’m taking something every few hours because of how bad my anxiety gets and how quickly my meds are wearing off right now. This morning I took a Geodon and a Valium, then at noon I took a Valium and a Geodon, then I took a Valium an hour ago, I just now took my 200 lamictal and propalanol. Then in another couple hours I’ll take my night Geodon and my 25 mil lamictal.

It’s really the only thing that’s keeping me from losing my mind until I can get into see a doctor.

I'm doing ok.

I have a little anxiety but it's getting better. I'm just focusing on getting ready for a doctor's appointment. The more I do, the better I feel. Soon I will relax and wait for time to go.

feeling a little depressed that I didn't get my baby doll today. honestly I was looking forward to it. why can't stuff arive when it's meant to..... ugg.

I have spent an entire week (or maybe a little more) excited for the doll, and it's not here

I also showered today, and apart from it being painful as ****, all I did is sat in my room eating.

so was their a real point

By escaping through a book or rest.

I've been reading NASA articles & enjoying music.

Thanks for your wonderful concept of a new moment and a fresh new beginning. It all boils down to choice.

Thank you for expressing your words this way. Let's cross our fingers for each other.

I’m up and down again. This morning was ok mental health wise but I felt a bit sick physically. Then 11- about 2:30 was tough anxiety wise. Right now after a few of my meds, I feel better. I still have my 80 mil Geodon and my 25 lamictal to take. I hope after this week I can get into a better routine with my meds.

Was stressed last night and this morning. I'm coping ok though.

I was fine while I was working on a project. Now that it's done, I feel sad. I'm not sure what to work on next. Maybe another project. I have a few.

I have been enjoying some great music.

I'm a bit meh. It's rainy and grey so I didn't get out today. Some days are like that though.

I was doing fine all day. Right now I’m slightly down. My mom has control of my meds so there shouldn’t be an incident tonight. She leaves them out during the day on the kitchen table then takes control of them at night and puts them in her room.

I’m not sure how much my increase in lamictal is helping me. I seem to get down and depressed after I take it. I know that happened awhile ago and I had to go back down. There’s several things going on right now though. So i’m not exactly sure it’s the lamictal.

Just barely .my anxiety is acting up.

been thru a small version of **** the past 30-36 hours! was almost to tears at times
i hope that doesn't happen again but knowing my luck lately, it will.........

I feel very sad. I just slept for 6 hours, so I should feel pretty good. But I'm bored and unsure of what to do with myself. Maybe I will try a game and listen to Audible while I play. I'm halfway through one of my books. I'm really disappointed too. Something didn't work out the way I had hoped it would work out. Oh well. Maybe I'm just still tired. I guess it's time for a distraction.

Feeling sad and I don't know... lost maybe?

It's no one thing, just a feeling life is passing me by.

Hopefully tomorrow will feel better.

This morning was fine. This afternoon has been decent. I’ve said a few times things don’t get real bad until between 4-7 at night. Last night I managed not taking a 4th Valium but I did take a muscle relaxer. Which didn’t actually help me sleep. I took one of my meds at midnight to help me get back to sleep.

I don’t know. I mean considering I have zero support right now besides my mom when I used to have an entire team of medical and mental health people at my old place, I guess then that I’m coping well.

I’m hoping to get set up with a couple people tomorrow.

I've got some problems but I think I'm coping ok.

My moods don’t seem out of control the way they were these last 10 days. But I’m just frustrated right now. And it’s not like I can just not go to a doctor. I need a primary to prescribe some meds and I also do really need a therapist. Unless I want to feel like crap 10 days out of every month then I’ll need a gynecologist too. So just not going isn’t really an option.