So I finally got a full-time job. I like the work, and the learning curve is steep but I’m getting there. They pay is terrible. About $5/hr less than what I asked for so I have to keep rideshare driving on the side, thus work 11 (8 hr admin, 3 hr driving) hour days Mon-Fri plus weekends.

I’m 2 months behind on car payments and Friday it was arranged I would make the payment online. Only, there was a 7 pm cutoff which made the payment for that date invalid and pushed it to be processed next week on the 22nd. The agreement was that I would make the payment Friday and the 2nd late payment in 3 weeks to avoid a repossession letter being mailed out.

The credit union phone customer service agent told me that if i missed Friday’s payment, I was screwed. She did not give me the 7 p.m. cutoff deadline information either. So, I was shocked when the credit union website rejected my online payment for Friday’s date, and pushed it out to the 22nd of next week. I immediately emailed the customer service agent I’d spoken with telling her what happened when I made my payment online.

I can call on Monday to find out if the repossession letter is mailed out. If it is, I will file Chapter 7 bankruptcy to get out of paying for the car’s total balance. It’s my only option. I can’t sell a car online that is in repossession as far as I know. I guess I can research that option online.

I can always get another car through donation websites and auctions, where you are given the car “as is.” I won’t let the car issue affect my job. I’m sure not going to share the news that “hey my car got repossessed because I’m poor” with the office. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not dumb. Plus, I can take the train to my job no problem.

It’s been nearly a year now since my mom died and being socially isolated prior to her death, only makes it harder now. I can’t go visit her in her memory care room and chat with her. We had our issues — I posted about our relationship here a lot. She’s still my mom and I still miss her. My siblings are the same as they were before our mom died; emotionally distant. I forwarded my sister a screenshot of an upcoming remembrance mass asking her if she wanted to go. She responded, “Don’t tell me what to do. I’ll deal with this by myself.” WTF. Project, much? All I did was ask her if she wanted to attend it. Her response is so immature. I didn’t force her to do anything.

My sister also borrowed our mom’s social security money every month for herself and never replaced it. Our brother did that with our dad’s social security money too. My guess is, she is starting to feel guilty for being such a terrible daughter stealing from her own mother while her own mother was in memory care with dementia. It disgusts me when I think about my two siblings’ actions.

I feel sad today because I wish my life was different. I wish I didn’t have ****** siblings. I wish my mom was still alive. I wish I had more friends. I wish I didn’t have to work 11 hour days and two jobs to make ends barely meet. I wish I wasn’t going to lose my car and have to file Chapter 7 bankruptcy which costs about $5,000 give and take. I wish people liked me. I’m not s ****** person. Someone anonymously messaged me on Facebook (it was in my spam folder) to tell me I was a weirdo and a creepy person. No way of knowing who sent me that weird random Facebook message. I am just really sad today. Grief, I guess.

I did some further research for repossession in my state. Supposedly, the credit union will repossess my car then resell it. All the blogs I read advise people to hire attorneys (even pro bono) to ask the bank/credit unions to put their repossession terms in writing for the person whose property is being repossessed. And there are things like “repossession loans” that I could apply for, to help me pay off the full balance and then repay the repossession loan. So, at least there are options.

I was able to confirm that my payment counts despite their online website time restriction for online payments. HUGE relief.
I had flowers delivered to my niece who moved to another state today - radio silence. I confirmed with the florist the flowers were delivered. Well, I had these visceral negative emotional internal responses:
a) she’s like her mother (my sister who hates me) and shares my sister’s sentiments towards me (despises me, too) .
b) she’s not thoughtful or considerate and doesn’t respect me.
c) she’s embarrassed by my external expression in front of her boss and coworkers b/c she doesn’t like me
d) when the florist delivered the flowers, my niece lied, pretending not to know anyone there by her name so the flowers never were delivered.

I shouldn’t have attached expectations to the flower delivery. I was wrong to expect a response from my niece. I should accept her radio silence towards my gesture as proof of what she truly feels towards her aunt; absolute loathing and disgust.

I don’t know how to feel about my niece blatantly ignoring my congratulatory gesture of the flower delivery to her workplace.
Do I stay silent or do I say something?

[Rose76]

You've got a lot pulling you down. The biggest thing is you're in a family that provides you with zippo in the way of emotional nurture. That's huge and unlikely to change much, which is disappointing in the extreme. Supportive family relations are what normally helps people through hardship. You'll not be getting that, yet you still hope for it.

Your sister is a very damaged person. You're trying to interact with her as though she weren't. She knows that you know about her stealing that money. She probably tells herself that your mom was getting her needs met in memory care, so she didn't really need the social security checks. That would be screwy thinking, but it's how humans rationalize guilt away. She also had the example of your brother to set a precedent for doing what she did. At some level they both probably thought they were entitled to what they stole. But they don't like you knowing what they did. So she's not going to want to have a lot to do with you. You're disgusted with your siblings' actions, which are reprehensible. Don't think that they haven't guessed what you think of them, even though you may not have expressed it. They know.

Sending the flowers was you making believe you have a relationship with your neice that's better than it is. Flowers delivered to someone at their work site is a bit over the top. She may have seen it as a fake gesture. I suspect you are making nice gestures, trying hard to overcome this family bitterness. You mean well, but they are unimpressed possibly because they are being more realistic about the lack of good feeling in this family. Don't send flowers to someone you suspect loathes you. If you truly want to repair rifts, start with much smaller, humbler gestures. Otherwise, it might be viewed as you showing off.

Get into Facebook, and tighten your privacy settings. Don't leave yourself wide open to any random hater who wants to attack you. I won't allow anyone onto my Facebook page whom I wouldn't want in my home. I take pride in keeping my "friends" list limited to a select few. Try that for a while.

I'm glad some of the car loan pressure is lightened up. The bank doesn't really want your car. Repossessing and reselling it is a nuisance for them. You did right by contacting them and reassurring that payments will be forthcoming.

With all those hours you're working, it is tough to have a social life. Try to connect with your friends in small ways. You are wise to not discuss your financial problems at work. I hope you feel more secure, as you gain experience on this new job. Things can get better. Don't over-invest in lost causes, like relationships that are unlikely to improve.