do you worry about

hurting people's feelings, by saying the "wrong" thing IRL? I do, and online too sometimes, it's "safer" sending

At school and later, I did find many of the "girls" to be "*****y" I guess... I was trying to explain this, and why I avoid people so much, to a T... Their reply that I was "*****y" wasn't particularly helpful..... I wasn't one of the "assholes" at school or anywhere who looked down on others. Nor was I a "bully".. So much for "free association" I should have only spoken in growls.

I do worry about that, too, Fuzzy. Even in school I was always having trouble expressing myself. I found in later years that I was considered "stuck up". I never though of myself that way and feel that it stemmed from my trying to curb what I wanted to say because I was afraid of expressing myself. I do a lot of re-writing when I post on PC because I'm worried that my words will hurt someone else or make them feel bad. Sometimes I will even delete a post if I can't convince myself that it is helpful and supportive. So you are not alone.

Hi Fuzzy,
I think that worrying about having hurt other people's feelings is quite common and it shows we are able to be emphatic and also some how we have the need of others. In practice, things get complicated because sometimes other people's expectatives do not match with our possibilities or awareness. Particularly some people are too sensitive while others act as they were psychopaths, disregarding other people's feelings all together. It is not easy to manage oneself among such a variety of people. When I believed in God, I tried to do the best I could and then I did an exercise: I left everything in God hands and just continued with my life. The case is that I could not please everyone and sometimes people would be hurt and I could not do anything about it. I mean, sometimes an apology would not work. Sometimes, it was an opportunity for me to exercise self-criticism and improve my behavior in consequence. But there were opportunities when I think I was Ok and the other person's expectatives were exaggerated or too much. Anyway, I tried to have a proactive attitude and on the other hand not to give too much time or thoughts to situations like that.
After I became a non believer I started to put things on "life hands", I mean, after I do all I can to clarify situations, to ascertain myself, or whatever is needed when things got rough.
But the essence is the same: doing all my part and then let it go. Sometimes it is not easy, but it is an exercise that improves by practicing.
Regarding Ts, the most important stuff to me is to make sure T got the right information. It is very difficult to control T's thoughts or the judgement about us they make. To me, it is useful to me to picture me as a client and see the T as a service provider. If Ts judges me I do not care much, he/she is just a human being. Of course, it is important that the T does not get a wrong idea about us, because it may affect the therapy. But on the other hand we know nobody will have an exact picture of ourselves. Ts should give us tools for us to feel better, to improve, as far as that is working, we should not care much about Ts reactions sometimes. But if a T often makes wrong interpretations of our behavior I think we should think about changing Ts.
Ok, sorry for the length of this response
I am sending you a big hug

Definitely in real life. I do somewhat online, but it's much less than it used to be. I really am tired of putting up with crap from people. I really am. I don't see anything wrong with stating your opinion as long as you don't personally attack someone which I have never seen you do ever.

Foot in mouth is my usual. I never mean to offend, but people misunderstand! I'm not good at biting my tongue so some think I'm too outspoken. I always do my worrying after I have spoken or typed. It's hard to unsay things, but sometimes people find what I say helpful. Maybe how someone interprets what I say is their responsibility as long as my intentions are kind or compassionate.

Thanks so much everyone for your thoughtful replies....

(it does get tiring trying to censor everything and not exactly therapeutic either (as I found in therapy, I guess the "worst" of me came out sometimes (as surely its supposed to, if there is any trust at all? If we only show our T what we perceive to be our "good" aspects then wth is the point of seeing a T?? but I know even "that person" didn't deserve that crap...)

Life is chalk full of catch 22's. So, your T catagorized based upon word choice? I was talking about a relationship I had 20 years ago as a pattern discussion, and woosh...I was labeled insecure. I said, hey, that was me...etc...

As far as censoring, I try to just be how i am, online, irl. I'm going to be liked and unliked no matter what. Have a woman at work, who has resorted to calling a few staff members sunshine because that's how my boss greets me, in the morning. She's mistaken my kindness for confusion with work ethic, i digress...

I say just do what's right for you...can't tiptoe everywhere, then you're left unhappy...

If I could write this well, it is exactly how I would describe myself.

I worry about what I may say or how I may behave or how it will be interpreted. I worry before and after the fact. Actually it is my instinct to do that but I work hard at remembering I am not responsible for other people's feelings. If a T stands in judgement, that is not helpful at all. I find that highly unprofessional.

Fuzzy, I do different things at different times. If I am talking with someone I know well, I tend to be myself. If I am talking to someone I dislike, I can be tight lipped. On the forum, I do try to be positive and helpful. But.....there are times I need to let loose my frustrations. I am hoping others will understand.
But, Fuzzy, being careful with our words is a good thing.

In the past I've always said what people expect me to say, I used to be scared to express my thoughts. I was bullied at school and suffered emotional abuse from my family. Even when I was vocal and honest, I was accused of being stuck up and critical. I sometimes delete a post in case I hurt someone's feelings.

oh yes. I worry about this a lot. a lot of times I won't say anything out of fear of hurting anyone's feelings, but sometimes if I really feel like I need to say something I do and then worry about it later. In fact that happened to me on here yesterday and I worried about it all day and didn't think I was going to come back on here for a while because I was afraid to. maybe i have a new answer to the question i am always asked in real life, "why are you so quiet?"

I don't and maybe I should. On the other hand, for the sake of communication I will usually still say what I have to say. If it comes out wrong or the other person misinterprets it I figure things can always be cleared up if people really want to communicate.

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