I got a DUI and was arrested

Well, it happened. I got pulled over by the police the night before Thanksgiving and was arrested and thrown in jail.

I failed the sobriety test, so they put me in handcuffs and took me to the police barracks where I agreed to a breathalyzer. I was over the legal limit so I spent the night in jail. My mother had to bail me out on Thanksgiving morning.

I have lost my license to drive for at least 45 days, and my car got towed 20+ miles away from where I live. I am on probation for one year. I must enroll in rehabilitation classes for 16 weeks. If I get a second DUI, it's automatic jail time for 2+ years. I can apply for a "hardship" drivers license that will allow me to drive to and from work until my license is reinstated.

I paid a lawyer $3500. I paid the court $365. I owe several hundred dollars to get my car towed back to my house. Luckily, the judge waived the rehab course fee which would have cost me another $1300.

My 3 nephews were so upset with me that I decided to not join my family for Thanksgiving dinner. I ended up staying home by myself, and I did not eat a single bite of food the entire day and night.

This was a very costly mistake.

I have beaten myself up enough about this incident already, and I know it could have been far worse. I was not in an accident, and no one got hurt. In fact, no one was even on the road with me at that time. It was 1:00 am, and I was on my way home from a music club.

I've decided to stop drinking. I have been abusing alcohol for a long time, and it has caused me problems. I become far more emotionally reactive when I drink, and this has caused some conflicts & arguments with other people.

In a strange way, I am relieved. It's almost like deep down, I am glad I got caught because this now forces me to straighten up and make some much needed changes in my lifestyle habits.

Yes, I am upset that I cannot drive, I am upset about the high cost, and I am upset that I have to take rehab classes. But these classes are virtual, and I can apply for a hardship license which will at least give me temporary access to my car for 12 hours each day of the week.

But I am mostly upset with myself for being so foolish. I get it. I could have killed someone OR myself. No one needs to tell me this. I am taking this all very seriously and to heart.

And this is why I am posting here. Drinking has been my emotional crutch, and I never learned healthier stress management skills. A drink was always my go-to for relaxation and stress management, hence the abuse of alcohol.

So, now I am being forced to learn healthier coping skills and healthier stress management skills. I know this will not be easy. I think I have a bit of a dependency on alcohol. I am not an alcoholic, but I am not too far away from that label.

I do not exercise regularly, and I hate the gym. I may try to force myself to start walking, either before or after work.

But I will never have a drink and drive again. I refuse to be that stupid and get myself in trouble again. I will not.

So my question to people here: how does one learn healthier coping skills when one is so conditioned in a direction that is unhealthy?

I also have to quit smoking cigarettes. Another vice I am not happy about or proud of. But I am highly addicted. I have been smoking for over 30 years. A lifelong habit. UGH.

So, how do I start? How do I start to change these lifelong unhealthy habits?

Find something you can get obsessed with that's healthy that will make you forget about your unhealthy addiction. Replace one unhealthy addiction with a healthy addiction. I was having similar issues to you, and then I got obsessed with music. 50 days sober now, and making money playing keys when my health allows.

Sorry to hear you got busted, what a lot of money. It's good that you want to get sober. There are so many apps, groups, social media accounts, books, YT videos that can offer ideas and information. I use spiritual life to stay sober but that's not for everyone, of course. My husband just focuses on his hobbies and interests as the post above suggests. Once you start living without the chaos it gets easier because living without the drama and bondage of alcohol/drug/whatever dependency is addictive in itself.

I sincerely wish you all the best.

Just wanted to wish you all the best too, it’s very brave of you to post this. They do say you often have to hit rock bottom before change will come.

I kind of lost my taste for drink in mid life, it just stopped being enjoyable for me, I can’t explain why, I hope this will happen for you too.

I hope you will be okay Hope

Sorry to hear that. I myself haved had a DUI before. It sucks It’ll be my last one. I use alcohol to escape problems too. I need to stop drinking so much too.

Anyways, maybe therapy might help you. Maybe try taking dome mind of class like a cooking class or an art class whrn you get your license back.

Maybe try learning origami. It was hard for me, but maybe you.’ll get it.

Try reading too. Reading is a good escape.

Why they planning to throw hope in jail?

Thank you so much everyone. I’m a bit freaked out by the whole ordeal. I apologized to my nephews for missing Thanksgiving and took full ownership of what I had done. I told them I’m never doing that again. Only 1 out of 3 wrote me back. Guess the other 2 are still upset with me. Rightfully so, they’re very against drunk driving. I feel horrible.

I need to re-read some of the suggestions here.. right now I’m binging on movies.

I have a lot of movies I can suggest to you. If you let me lnow what you like, I can suggest some shows.

Getting a DUI sucks! I’ll never make that mistake again. Not being able to drive was really hard. Especially since I usually didn’t have anyone to rske me anywhere usually. Lyft & Uber costs a lot.

My husband was so mad at me, thst he didn’t even take me to the DMV to get my license bsck. My former bff at the time did,

One good series on Netflix is Cobra Kai. You’ll love it if you liked the Karate Kid.

We all do things that harm ourselves, maybe work on the reason you chose drink?

So sorry you are going through this. The book I recommended was _Anxious People_ by Frederik Backman. There are a few movies and TV shows of his work as well. My husband and I started to watch Anxious People on Netflix but we didn't finish because I wanted to read the book first. There is a movie called A Man Named Otto, with Tom Hanks, based on FB's book _A Man Called Ove_. There's also a show called Beartown that I think is on Prime or possibly Crave.

I was in a bad mood when I started the book _Anxious People_ and it's so good that it actually lifted my mood for days. I haven't finished it yet, only because I'm reading a few other books too (nonfiction). I'm stretching it out.


Somehow Backman's work is deeply compassionate and has a gentle humour to it. Yet he also manages to put in social critique.

I also highly recommend Matt Haig, especially _Humans_ and _The Midnight Library_. Matt Haig's work usually has a Fantasy or SF element although is considered mainstream fiction I think.


Reading is one of the activities recommended to build a Cognitive Reserve which is supposed to improve neuroplasticity and emotional resilience. I watched a video with Dr. Tracey Marks (a psychiatrist) on Youtube about this. Other such activities include meditation, learning a new language or a musical instrument, and socializing.


Have you considered AA? I think it is very good. My uncle was in it. If you want to avoid drinking, it's good to build a community of people who don't drink.

HI Thanks so much. I have access to cable and lots of movies on my TV through Netflix and movie channels. I did like the Karate Kid movie.

I can't believe your husband didn't bring you to the DMV! That is so cruel. You made a mistake and you had to pay for it. That doesn't mean he needs to be cruel about it.

Thank you @Samicat.

I am so overwhelmed by all of this.

I now need to come up with a reason why I have to take public transportation to and from work for the next 6 weeks to my boss. She will know that my car is not in the parking garage because I always parked in the same exact spot every morning.

I may order a book or two, but it may be a self help book to start with, about narcissism. I feel like I should work on my healing more from narcissistic abuse.

I don't want to go to AA. I am not an alcoholic. I don't need to drink to get through the day and I don't need to drink to have fun. I haven't touched any alcohol since the incident, even though I have beer in my fridge.

Self medicating is the reason. I do know that much.

You don't necessarily need to label yourself an "alcoholic" to go to AA. The only thing that qualifies you as an AA member is the desire to stop drinking. There's also SMART and other free support groups (although if you want to build a community of people who don't drink, make sure you do not get close to people early in their recovery, especially those who are hardcore addicts). If you have money and/or insurance individual therapy/counseling may be of help
.
If the narcissistic abuse is the reason you feel the need to self-medicate, maybe joining a group for trauma survivors (NOT victims) (maybe even (C)PTSD communities even if you don't have the disorder/diagnosis)? This could be irl or online. There are plenty of groups online with a lot of relatable, helpful words of encouragement and advice (and there are some, I'm thinking of one I look at on FB for something else that's closely related, that just provide comedic relief).

I know the situation sucks, but it could've turned out a lot worse so I'm glad for everyone's sake it didn't, and I say that with love and no judgement.

Thank you for your thoughts and support. I appreciate the lack of judgement!

So I thought at AA you have to state that you are an alcoholic?

As I stated above, I am not going to join AA. I am not an addict. I do not need or crave alcohol, I have only just abused alcohol. There's a difference.

What I do want to do is to eventually, when I get my license back, join a couple of outdoor activity groups. I want to start leading a healthier lifestyle and I want to meet healthier types of friends. My music scene is a big party scene, and I need to branch away from it and expand my social life.

In the meantime, I will start walking everywhere and I will start exercising again, and I may pick up a book or two to read.

I have tried narc abuse support groups and they're not for me. Same with therapy. I don't need one and in my experience, most therapists are terrible.

I will do just fine with self help books. That's the direction I think I wish to take.

Yeah, my husband was mean & unreasonable. That’s good that you have a lot of streaming service ls to choose from.

That's cool. A good book I've been recommended is Pete Walker's From Surviving to Thriving. I haven't read it yet, and I think it's more so for childhood trauma so if your stuff's from past the development stages some/a lot might be irrelevant, but from the description and reviews it discusses how to manage self-sabotaging behaviors like drinking that result from long-term abuse as well as a lot of stuff that's similar amongst all abuse survivors.

Back in the 80s I got a DUI at 17 and wound up in the Navy. One of the best things that ever happened to me (the Navy, that is).

I haven't had a drop of booze or a puff of tobacco or weed in over 20 years. I don't miss it. At 54, I'm running circles around dudes in their 30s. I love being a goody-goody.

I am very sorry this happened to you. Do you know about triggers and if an event or person possibly resulted in you being triggered and then drinking?

I think many people could benefit from AA who have a drinking problem but may not be "alcoholic" - that seems to just be a label to me.


One thing I learned while doing my psychology degree is that the "disease model" of an Alcoholic (widely believed) is simply not true. The idea that if someone has one drop of alcohol, it will biologically compel them to binge. It's psychological, not biological. I know this is not the popular view, but it has been proven in countless studies. If you give an "alcoholic" a drink with NO alcohol and tell them it contains alcohol, they are more likely to binge then if you give them a drink WITH alcohol and tell them it contains none. What does that tell us? It doesn't mean the problem is not real, but it is psychological and not biological.

Thus I would have no problem attending AA and saying I'm an alcoholic, because it is a state of mind. AA is a way of meeting other people and having support for living an alcohol-free lifestyle.

I don't know if it's acceptable to just say you have a drinking problem. That's more accurate anyway IMHO. And nobody is going to argue if you got a DUI that you don't have a drinking problem.

I commend you for having such a healthy and constructive response to this unfortunate event.

And yes, luckily nobody got hurt.

Thank you for the book recommendation.

Yes, actually. That night, I ran into the guy I recently dated. He has very quickly moved onto dating another woman and was with her that night. I got upset and started drinking more.

I'm so sorry.. he should have been supportive of you.