What’s the Point? TW

I feel so depressed tonight. I went back to my old job at the pharmacy— I started on Monday, and I’ve already decided to quit. I just can’t work there again. I don’t know why even i went back— I ran into my old boss in the Target parking lot a few weeks ago, and she seemed really elated to see me and she invited me to come back. I guess the idea of being wanted somewhere really got me. That and a paycheck, obviously. But i can’t. I’ve already realized this will not work. I feel so miserable. My birthday is in two weeks; I will be 39 years old, single, no kids, and unemployed. What’s the point of me even going on? By all accounts, I’ve failed. The only things keeping me alive right now are my jewelry class and my cat. We recently made stacking rings and it was so much fun! I just feel like such a failure— I have tried repeatedly to lose weight and nothing has worked. I’m so sick of this ****; I’m sick of having to listen to ****ing douchy doctors, when all they do is ignore everything I tell them I’ve tried. I realize that sacrificing your fun years to end up treating people who don’t seem to care about their health sucks, but i resent being treated a) like I’m stupid and b) like I’m lying to them. Nothing angers me more than people making dumbass assumptions about me and completely ignoring what I tell them. I’ve tried to find love… no luck there. My friend says he thinks it’ll happen completely out of the blue when I’m least expecting it. That’s sweet of him to think it’ll happen at all at this point. I’ve had headaches all week too. I’ve been exhausted. Why is life one stupid issue after another? Why can’t it be easy just once? My ****ing sister has a boyfriend and a job she loves, and they’ll probably have children and make up for me being a waste of space in our parents’ eyes. Everyone would probably be better off without me in their lives, since all i do is fail.

I am sorry to propose this, but are you pms'ing? You sound like me for half my lufe, where one day everything was absolute shyte, and the next day, everything was roses. Same jobs, same marital status (whether i was married or single), same bank balance - only difference was my period started and i was now as happy as i was miserable the day before.

I think maybe neither emotional state should have been considered "reality." They are both drug - or rather hormone - induced. Sounds like you might have gone back to the job on a high.

I am sorry. I don’t think you are a failure at all.

In a situation with this job, I’d look at it just as a necessity. You went back to get your bills paid. Not because you enjoy it. I think perhaps jewelry making class will open door for a job or business as I recall you are an artist. It sounds so exciting! Just look at the current job like it keeps you out of the house and pays bills. Not every job will be a dream job

Losing weight is so hard. Especially getting older

Honestly, 39 is still young.

Thank you both for your support… unaluna, I have an IUD (sorry if that is TMI), so my periods are nil these days. I just have no one to communicate with on a regular basis, because I can’t afford to see my therapist more than once every two weeks, I don’t want to burden my friends, I cannot tell my mom certain things, and my dad and I no longer speak. i broke down in public this morning and was sobbing on my way to my car. I just need to know things will work out. I need to know things will be okay. divine, yes I am an artist. I am going to be submitting my jewelry to the community college craft fair this spring, and I am going to tap into the resources there for a job. I spent most of my morning cleaning, because I thought that any activity that produced a positive result, no matter how small, would help me. It sort of has.

Smart move re cleaning. First of all organized environment is helpful to give you some peace and second of all staying busy is valuable.

Yes sometimes I wonder why other people get it easy. But usually it’s an illusion.

I can’t wait to hear about craft show! It helps to have something to look forward to. In your case it’s a show! After the show think what could be your next thing to look forward to.

Thank you divine— and back to what you said earlier, i agree 100% that no job is perfect. However, I cannot work in pharmacy anymore. I’m done.

@divine1966 wrote, "39 is still young," and I'd add that single and no kids means you're unencumbered by obligations and can follow whatever dream or lifestyle you wish.

Please be kind to yourself and don't define your worth by society's expectations for you. If you had a 39-year-old dear friend who is unmarried and childless, would you tell her not to go on?

Thank you SquarePegGuy, and no, I would never tell a dear friend they may as well not go on with their life.