Scared to have relationships

I find that I am really afraid to make friends. I really want friends, I love meeting people and getting to know them but it reaches a point where I am scared to hang out with people because I am convinced that once they get to know me they'll hate me and go away. I am so scared to let people see the real me because I know they'll hate it. Even my boyfriend who I have been with for over a year I am scared to talk to or spend time with because I still think he's going to realize I am a horrible person and leave me. In January we broke up for 2 and a half months but got back together (so we haven't really been together a year I guess technically) I broke up with him and part of the reason was because I was scared that we were s close and I thought he was going to leave me if I didn't do it. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

I understand where you're coming from, I think. I was the same way... good news is that I'm gradually finding it easier to have belief in myself and to talk to people without assuming they're thinking the worst of me or are going to leave (which has happened to me a lot). So at some point it can happen for you too.
It sounds like a self esteem/confidence issue. It's hard and time consuming, but it's possible.
I've started a confidence building group a while ago and I believe it's helping. Do you ever talk to your T about this? Maybe self esteem is something you could bring up?
Take care

Hey I understand totally! Matter of fact, i spend so much time thinking people will leave, that i forget to have a good time when im around them.

I have spent most of my life pushing people out before they could get too close. Its a scary thing. Trust. I have issues with trust that I dont think will ever get away.

I get jealous, annoyed, frustrated, if they dont pay attention to me, and that alone, makes them back off.

Just part of our makeup you know?

Take care,

Colleen

I definitely have self esteem issues, really bad ones. It's one of the main things I've worked on in therapy but I can't seem to bring it up Does anyone have any suggestions for things that help them with their confidence or self esteem?

i read a memoir once where the author (who had self-esteem issues) took post its and wrote down positive affirmations and positive things about herself (even if she didn't totally believe them all the time) and stuck them all over her house and constantly read them out loud to herself. It really worked for her.

You may not realize it, but you are carrying around a lot of anger for other people. If you are "scared" of people, then you are also feeling some hostility as well, because fear and anger run together in our emotions.

So think about these underlying emotions that you have and do not keep them so deeply buried.

I think you might be on to something Trevor. I am scared of people because I am afraid of being abused by them. I am very angry at my ex-abuser. And still scared of her too.

((((littleyellowspider))))))

I have confidence and self-esteem issues too. What's been helping for me is that I'm trying to change the way I think (my counsellor calls it "challenging cognitive distortions"). Basically what I'm trying to do right now is whenever I catch myself thinking something bad, like "I'm not worth it" or "I'm a failure" etc, I automatically try to think the opposite (ie, "I'm not worth it" = "I am SO worth it!!!") Even if I don't believe it, sometimes just having that thought in my head makes me feel a little better about approaching other people and dealing with my relationships. And honestly, the more I do this, the more natural it feels. Hopefully, I'll be able to replace the bad thoughts with the good ones entirely.

Good luck