[vacantangel]

I don't have any hope for a future. I have no IRL friends and internet friends keep abandoning me. They all say they'll never leave me but it always happens, sooner or later, usually sooner. I want a man to love me but that's never gonna happen either. I don't want to go through life being alone. I'm tired of just going through the motions of life by myself. I'm lonely. All I want is to be loved. It's never gonna happen. I'm just unlovable, nobody wants me, especially men. I'm always being rejected and abandoned. It's always the same. I have no hope it's ever going to change. My heart is aching. I'm tired of it all. I just don't see the point of continuing to withstand rejection after rejection. I've gone over my limit. It's too much. I'm broken.

[Fuzzybear]

AG, the best advice I can give is to take friendships slowly. Also, do you keep a journal? That would help a lot in tracking moods, patterns, abandonment and attachment feelings/issues. Sorry things are so rough and hoping they get better soon.

((((((((((AG))))))))))

Take care,
Fuzzy

[vacantangel]

If I kept a journal, it would only be a constant reminder in black and white of how really depressed I am, which seems to be almost all the time because I'm not loved. I just want to be loved but I'm obviously unlovable. Thanks for the hugs and well-wishes but I don't have any hope of things ever getting any better.

[nothemama8]

Hey AG how about keeping a positive journal, write down all the positive things that happen, ppl will not reject you unless you reject yourself, get back into the self-esteem forum
Love ya bunches
Angie

[vacantangel]

I don't have anything positive to write in a journal. I guess I've been rejected now so many times that I am rejecting myself. How can they all be wrong? I've been rejected by the Self-Esteem forum too. There's nowhere I belong, I'm not wanted anywhere. I shouldn't of come back here at all.

[nothemama8]

How have you been rejected from the Self-esteem forum they have been very very supportive with you, maybe you need to go back and look at the posts mark all the positive posts against the negative posts, right now your feeling like everyone don't care but thats not the case
Angie

[LMo]

Angelgirl... you have got to talk to a therapist about this. You're making sweeping generalizations that are very harmful for you. There IS hope and there ARE solutions, but you have to be willing to tackle the reality of how you are contributing to the breakups. I only know (from reading the rather rude public breakup you had to endure) that you might come across as excessively needy, and if that is a consistent reason that guys have broken up with you, then it IS something you can fix about yourself. And definitely head back to the self-esteem forum. You're as welcome there as anyone else is!

Look, I don't know how old you are, but take me for example. I'm 35 and just got married. That means that everyone I have dated from age 15-30 somehow 'rejected' me or for whatever reasons, the relationship was not 'right' for both parties involved. You can't abandon hope of finding a relationship because you haven't found the right one in... how many adult years have you been dating? I think you're still young, so please don't despair if relationships aren't working out yet.

Anyway, off my soapbox. Points are:
1) WE are not rejecting you and want you to stay and particpiate
2) talk to a therapist about this hopelessness

Love,
LMo

[vacantangel]

Things have happened since I was last in that forum. I voiced my opinion and so much negativity has resulted since then. PMs have made it clear the effect that had on some but you're right, I shouldn't say that nobody likes me but when I'm depressed I wonder how long it will be before those who haven't rejected me will. When I read the positives that I've stated in the Self-Esteem forum, I can't find them in me when I'm depressed. I wonder if they were ever there to begin with. Maybe I just *wanted* to see them, maybe I was fooling myself, maybe I'm some of those things, maybe I'm none. If I can't see other things clearly, maybe the same thing is true for my self-perception.

[vacantangel]

You're right, I shouldn't make sweeping generalizations. I know I have some friends and I'm very grateful for that.

I know I come across needy in relationships and I can't deny that is true but how do you change that? I was going to elaborate on that but I've changed my mind but I will state that I'm really misunderstood too but nobody cares to listen. They always think they *know* me when they don't know me at all. That's happened so many times. Each time they didn't give me a chance, they didn't want to hear anything from me. I lost what I thought was a very dear friend that way last summer.

[LMo]

Well, I can see how people might think that they know you and jump to conclusions, because you ARE really good about sharing your feelings with people. You seem very open to me. So, it surprises me that you feel like your friends don't know you if you share yourself the way you share your feelings here.

About being needy... that's a great goal for therapy. You definitely CAN conquer that one. I think that neediness is 1/2 due to self-esteem, and 1/2 out of habit. A therapist can help with both, and help you find healthy ways to reassure yourself when you would normally seek reassurance from others.

Are you seeing a therapist now? I don't remember, I'm afraid!

[vacantangel]

Yes, I do share my feelings, way too much I think. But even with doing that, people often think they know the motives behind my actions and not once have they been right. I state 'how' I feel but rarely 'why' I feel that way or 'why' I do certain things. That's where people jump to the wrong conclusions. They see what they want to see, not what is the truth. I agree with your reason of self-esteem for my needing reassurance, not sure about habit. But there's also my life history and the impact it has had on me too. Rejection goes back as far as I can remember in my childhood.

Yes, I am in therapy. So many things to work on. The list is endless.

[nothemama8]

Thats why self-esteem forum is soooooooo important, there you can say why, and are not judged
Angie

[vacantangel]

All I can say is I'll try. It's been so long since I've been there, I feel so far behind everybody else.

[jmo531]

((((((((((AG)))))))))))

I am sorry your feeling like this. Relationships in general are very difficult. I have had my share of rejection and it doesnt feel good.
I find you to be a very caring, loyal, sensative and supportive person that has helped me and countless others through hard times. I think that makes you a beautiful person and a wonderful person. I wish you wouldnt lose sight of that.
Depression always makes us see the worst in ourselves. Sometimes, during these rough periods we need to ignore those thoughts and listen to those around you who know you. People who know that you are the loving, beautiful person that you really are.

I am here for you always. PM me if you ever need to. My thoughts are with you.

[vacantangel]

I'm glad that I have in some way been able to help you. I try to be supportive as much as I can. It depends on the depth of my depression and right now it seems to have totally engulfed me. Where you see me as this 'wonderful' person, there are far more who see me as otherwise, those are the ones who have rejected me outrightly or others in the shadows of their silence.

BTW, sensitivity can be both bad and good, depending on the situation.

Angel, do you remember a chat that we had not too long ago? When I was in a helluva backlash, you sat with me all night and comforted me when I felt worthless. That's admirable. When you can't think of anything good, remember how you looked after me when I needed it. You're my friend and always will be. There is so much good in you and it's just waiting to burst out. Please don't give up on therapy. And please don't give up on me. I need your friendship. You are very special and you just can't see it yet. Take care sweet heart. Much love.

Ry

[sherry13]

hi angel..
as you know from replying to my post last night..im in a bad place last right now..this morning im reading other post trying to occupying my mind..i understand this one completely..let downs and disappointments from people around you..unable to trust..also i problem i have...i know i dont know alot about you..but i know that you replyed to me when i am in a very hard place..and i will never forget that..everyone keeps saying i have to learn to love myself ...maybe the point we have to find is that ...we are the point...i dont know maybe im rambling...but but know i thank you for being there for me...no matter what anyone says thats walked out on us..i guess we have to learn there is a point..we are the point...