[bananasarecool]

so maybe theyre wrong. maybe im not depressed.
maybe this is just how "life" is. well for me anyway.
maybe this is how everyone else feels.
maybe i just dont feel it like they do.
maybe life is always going to be insignificant. grey. dark. crap.
maybe im never going to feel what other people say they do.
maybe life is... just always going to be the same day in, day out.

i "feel" nothing. i cant remember feeling anything. and i cant understand why life is worth living. when everything is insignificant. when its all dark and ...well pointless, really. its just all hard. a constant struggle. so why am i doing it?

[idontknow13]

I am so sorry you feel this way, I hope you soon feel better.

[Y2marmar]

(Hugs) i can emphasise so much

[bananasarecool]

will there ever be a better?
will i ever see a point in it all?

[kebsfroggy]

I wish there was a magic pill or potion that makes it all go away but truth is there isn't.

I have been of 45 different psych drugs or combo there of and . . . .nothing. So now Pdoc has decided I have treatment resistant depresssion. Wow! New diagnoisis....same results....

Sometimes I go for a walk and that helps a little. Sometimes I write down how I'm feeling and that helps a little. Sometimes I do something special just for me and that helps a little.

Truth is I still haven't found a way out. I measure my days/ moods by the number of tissues I use. If I make it through a day without using an entire box of tissues it must have been a good day.

Sometimes just a hug from a friend brightens my day.


kebs

[Pomegranate]

I spent years trying different antidepressants until the SSRI's came along. I started Zoloft and it worked like a charm. I recently had to add abilify to it - going through a very stressful time right now. Didn't want to take Abilify (just like I didn't want to take the zoloft), but it worked - just like the zoloft.

There maybe drugs coming soon that will work for you, so don't give up.

Also I've been reading and watching clips online about shock treatments in use today. Supposedly not anything like the way they used to be. And very good at treating treatment resistant depression. Just a month ago I was seriously thinking of trying it if my new meds didn't work. Also deep brain stimulation sounds promising. Might be some things to think about (((Kebs.)))

And I have to say the Zoloft/Abilify combo is working almost like a magic pill. Therapy is a big help but I would never have gotten this better this fast with therapy alone.

(((bananas))) I hope you are seeking all the help you can find. Don't give up. If you keep trying, meds, therapy, other things, have supportive people around you, YOU will get better. It may be be an ongoing battle - like me, I'll be fighting depression the rest of my life. But you learn what works and what doesn't, you learn more coping skills all the time - if you don't give up. Life may not get better, but you get better at dealing with life.

[turquoisesea]

For what it's worth - I have felt exactly what you feel like now. What you wrote, I might have written a year or two back.

I don't always feel that way anymore - I have dark moments due to recent events yes, but the overall trend has been to escape that darkness. That' something I never thought could happen to me.

I think there's a way for you too. Keep trying, keep reaching for it.

I know it's hard when you're blind, you'll have to trust that it's there without actually seeing, and that's hard.

[justfloating]

(((((((bananasarecool)))))))

Have you ever worn glasses? I have, and the very first time I put on my glasses, it was a total shock. I'm near-sighted, so anything more than three feet away from my face gets fuzzy. I didn't realize that the world could be so clear. I didn't realize that the world had sharp edges, that when I watched TV I could make out the individual features on a person's face -- did you know that actors' facial expressions are a large part of their art? I never really got that, because I was too near-sighted to tell until I got glasses, and then the world came clear. Now, when I'm not wearing my glasses, I see the world as a distortion, as wrong, somehow, and something I had to navigate more carefully now that I know I'm not seeing it properly.

The depression is a little the same. When my meds/counselling finally kicked in, it was like putting on glasses for the very first time. You don't realize how distorted your worldview is -- how sick you really are -- until you're given new "lenses" through which to view it.

Take care of yourself and keep us posted on how you're doing. I know it seems that way, but this won't last forever.

[bananasarecool]

everyone, thank you SO much.
last night was just... urgh.
id laid down (sp?) and i just couldnt think about anything other than well what is the point in ANYTHING?
eventually i spoke to my boyfriend about it - i know, it sounds selfish and stupid and mad but i just needed to hear someone elses voice and find a reason to keep going.
so we talked for a full hour and tbh it was a great distraction.... and the advice ive got here helps so much! its like... when you only think its going to be like this forever life does seem like utter crud... but then when you can hope that it gets better its really a good reason. just going through it because you dont want to hurt the people around you isnt really a good enough reason.
take one day as it comes. focus on the good. look forward to things. im gonna dye my hair this weekend, as airheaded as it sounds a change always makes me feel a little less stuck (Y).
im going to talk to my gp about antidepressants. they werent reccommended at first because im still only 15, but after 6 months of treatment its not getting any better so the options basically there now.
i just want to be... alive again.
knowing people have gotten through it helps a lot.
& i hope all of your depressive episodes or w.e theyre called get better soon :]
one day at a time.
x

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by bananasarecool

everyone, thank you SO much.
last night was just... urgh.
id laid down (sp?) and i just couldnt think about anything other than well what is the point in ANYTHING?
eventually i spoke to my boyfriend about it - i know, it sounds selfish and stupid and mad but i just needed to hear someone elses voice and find a reason to keep going.
so we talked for a full hour and tbh it was a great distraction.... and the advice ive got here helps so much! its like... when you only think its going to be like this forever life does seem like utter crud... but then when you can hope that it gets better its really a good reason. just going through it because you dont want to hurt the people around you isnt really a good enough reason.
take one day as it comes. focus on the good. look forward to things. im gonna dye my hair this weekend, as airheaded as it sounds a change always makes me feel a little less stuck (Y).
im going to talk to my gp about antidepressants. they werent reccommended at first because im still only 15, but after 6 months of treatment its not getting any better so the options basically there now.
i just want to be... alive again.
knowing people have gotten through it helps a lot.
& i hope all of your depressive episodes or w.e theyre called get better soon :]
one day at a time.
x

Glad you could talk about it, so glad =D