[justfloating]

Why me? No... why NOW?

I went out with a friend tonight who I had not seen in two months. We had a great time. We stopped off to see another friend who just had a baby (SO CUTE!!!) and then we went and saw a funny movie and just hang out.

I should be feeling good. I laughed, I talked, I relaxed. I was having fun. But I felt like the entire time, the depression was stalking just behind me, waiting until I left my friend and came home to pounce. I do not know how I'm going to get up tomorrow morning. I do not know how I'm going to go back to work and concentrate on what people are saying or what I'm supposed to do. I've been zoning in and out of conversations, instructions, pretty much everything all day. I just want to crawl into a corner and curl up into a ball and hide.

I know I'm worn out because I've only been back from school for a week and I haven't had time to actually relax. I know that I'm freaking out because I feel like my entire summer is going to be taken up by doing nothing but the things I don't want to do, because when I'm at home, my time is NEVER my own. I need some time to decompress or I know I'm going to have a complete meltdown. I'm "supposed" to only be working weekends at my new job right now but I have a feeling they'll ask if I want to work Monday in that suggestive, you're-working-monday-but-we'll-make-it-sound-like-your-choice kind of way. I don't think I can. I'll drag myself through tomorrow because I have to but I can feel the depression coming on and if I don't get a break -- SOON -- from having to work, from having to be at my family's beck and call, from getting next to no sleep or sunshine or exercise or me time ... I'm going to burn out. And here I was thinking SCHOOL was causing my problems. Apparently, I'm going to feel like **** no matter where I go.

Sorry. Don't mean to whine. I know how negative this all sounds and I hate myself for saying any of it. I should just suck it up. Other people have way more stressful and difficult lives than me. I'm not even sure why I'm complaining here except that I can't really complain to anyone else without them telling me I'm being ungrateful or ridiculous or overreacting or lazy or whatever else. I just feel so ... ugh.

[perhapsbelligerent]

yeah, i can go out and have a good time too, and then go home and my depression hits hard again.

my work does the same thing too. i only get one day off a week, but i almost always get that phone call that makes it seem like im a asshole for not going in on that one day - and it's my choice that i do what they want.

i zone in and out of conversations too, and kinda of go to a dead space while doing so.

i even joined the site because i cant whine any place else without people telling me to suck it up, and i really need to whine sometimes.

i like you. we got the same problems.

hope you get some time to yourself soon. i really have no suggestions on how to do so, but i liked reading your post, so i hope you got some release from writing it.

[leacon]

This is a situation I dealt with daily when I worked. You feel stretched to the point; you think go can not go any further. You say you have the weeks off and work weekends. Could you plan on going someplace overnight away from home to decompress. Even if you go alone it is better than staying there and melting. Good Luck

[turquoisesea]

low on words, but hugs

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((( justfloating ))))))))))))))))))

[Elysium]

JustFloating...I hear you!!

Anytime I do anything good for myself, or go out and have fun, I get this natural high for a bit and then the floor drops out and there's the depression waiting to catch me and I hit a low. My T says this is cause I have been programmed by my traumas that I don't deserve to have good things or be treated nicely, and because when I was younger, I wasn't allowed to enjoy things. If my father knew I was enjoying something, he would destroy it.

I urge you to remember....this is YOUR time. It's YOUR break and you need to take it for you. There are going to be plenty of people who are going to be more than willing to highjack YOUR break if you let them.

You just need to say.....NO!!!!

Say it with me now...........NO!! NnnnnnnnOoooooo!!

C'mon...I can't hear you.........NNNNNOOOOOO!!!

Louder!!! NNNOOOO!!!

Again.... NO!!!

What you say.......NNNNNOOOO!! NO!! NO!!!

Alright....good job!!

Take care, and remember...just say NO!!

[Rohag]

Hi!

Opinion: Though it's true many people in the world face more stressors than you, your personal tolerance for stress in general and for specific stressors is unique to you (to all of us, really). As depressives, our capacity to tolerate stress is but weakly related to our depression; some depressed people have high stress tolerance, others low. The depression exists with or without stress.

I believe you should listen to your own self-assessment. You need to find a way and time to decompress and, if not, your body/mind will do it for you.

Best wishes for a controlled rather than uncontrolled decompression!

[Berries]

((((((((((((((((justfloating)))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry I came to this thread so late. How are you doing today?

[justfloating]

I'm doing somewhat better. The depression is only coming in waves now, usually when I'm not keeping busy. Trying to keep away from some of the stressors but it can be difficult. Thanks for everyone's support, it really means a lot.

[idontknow13]

Glad to see you are feeling better

[Berries]

Glad you are doing a bit better! How are you doing today? Still better? Hope so.