My progressing good mood snapped like a twig....

Who do I think I am kidding? I should have known better than to think I could actually be happy for good. So many things have been going on to keep my mood up, exercise, praise at work, time with my fiance... but it all came to a grinding halt this evening. My fiance and I had a silly little argument... he made a situation into a bigger deal than it actually was and I tried as hard as I could to hold myself together. I used my positive thoughts "He's just had a bad day at work and it isn't really my fault that he was in a bad mood" but it didn't work. I feel totally guilty again. I feel like everything is my fault and if I had just listened a little more or not done this everything would have been fine but now it isn't and I'm just a big dummy. All I could do was curl into a ball and cry. I couldn't speak or anything. I just layed there in a heap and cried for a really long time. He would leave me to myself and I would calm down but then he would come in to comfort me and the guilt and the tears came back. Even after the argument was long over I couldn't do anything. He tried to cheer me up by coaxing me into the living room. I tried to bring my quilt from my bed and he accused me of having a "security blanket"... Maybe it is, all I know is that I felt like I needed it. I cried for a bit more and then he held me. I felt better... He just held me for a long time and everything seem better, not great, not normal but better.. but then he had to go home. After he left I collapsed in front of the tv and didn't move until about five minutes ago. Nothing was on so I mindlessly watched qvc. I know I should go to bed but I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. All I really want to do is curl back up into a ball and just stay there. I dont want to sleep, I don't want to watch tv, I don't want anything except to just not move.

Sorry this was so long.

Hi coco,

Well, that was a trigger all right, and you described exactly how it happens - 'snapped like a twig'. I'm really sorry that it has happened to you.

This is one of the hardest parts of depression, the instantaneous relapse. My feeling is that if we can deal with these very sudden changes, then we are getting a strategy in place.

I hope some of us here have some ideas, I just go through the same pain every time, but try not to act on it.

Any ideas anyone?

Cheers, Myzen.

one thing that i noticed in your post was how supportive your fiance is.....that is a big plus!! he must love you very much...the guilt you're feeling is coming from your depression. do you have a T and are you on meds? it's the age old questions, but it's important for us to have those two resources........xoxox pat

He is very supportive. That's one of the many reasons I love him so much. I've just started seeing a T but I'm not on any meds as a personal choice. My T sessions are one of the main reasons that I had improved... I just hate it when I don't see it coming. I had nightmares all night and can barely drag my self out of bed this morning. I've got to go to work but all I really want to do is go sit at a park somewhere and stare at the sky or watch the river go by. I just want to be away from my house and everything else.

I'm glad you wrote this Coco. I am in a relapse, too. Not entirely sure how I wound up -- what the trigger was. I think it may be a snowball of several things. I'll be interested in learning how we can help ourselvs with this.