ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

I am so mad right now.
Mad at people trying to control me.
Mad at how I feel.
Mad that I cannot just go away and no one has to even notice I am gone.
I will keep acting on the outside that I am just fine...
But on the inside I am burning with rage and hurt and feelings of worthlessness!

Youre right!
Maybe that is enough for today to just have put it into words. Thats good for you. Then you can start asking What Now? How do I proceed from here? But right now its enough to breath and relax a moment because you found words to start saying what you feel.
Im sorry about the rage but keep finding verbal expression for it. We're listening here.

sj, what happened sweetie. Who's trying to control you? Are you talking about me asking you to be completely honest with your T? I'm sorry, I just thought if you were completely honest then you could get the help that you really needed. Were you lying when you told me you would? I don't know what else to say to you cuz I don't want it to come across like I'm trying to control you other than I CARE ABOUT YOU AND I WANT TO SEE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE.

(((((((((((( SJ )))))))))))))

ANGELGIRL:
OMG, this has nothing to do with you at all.
I am so happy you have taken the time to PM me.
It has to do with my gf and how she tries to control my actions and what I say etc.
And I am just tired of my friends letting me down.
Tomorrow is my Bday and one of my friends doesn't like the restaurant I picked even though we are paying for everyone and so she has decided to not attend.
What the %#@&#!!!! I mean, WTF....how mean and selfish.
I don't even care about my Bday this year. I am just trying to put on a good face for my friends.
Angel, you are the one who is keeping me going today....
OK?!

sj, I'm glad that I'm helping you, I know I'm trying. Don't know quite what to say about your friend not liking the restaurant you picked except that they're being rude and although it upsets you, as it would me, let them stay home then. The importance should be the celebration of your birthday and not what they're going to eat. How exactly does your gf try to control you, do you mind sharing? You can tell me in PM if you don't want to say it on the forum, or maybe it's too private.

Happy Birthday! I know how you feel about not caring about it though, I've been in that position several times, holidays too. Is the reason you don't care because you're so depressed right now? I'm glad you're going back to therapy. I think once you do and start to get some things out, you'll start to feel better. Of course, you can always PM me whenever you want and we're all here for you on the forum. You're not alone in your feelings, we've all been where you are right now or are there with you now, so we all understand how you feel. You're not alone. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that. Keep talking sweetie, get it out. It helps, if even just to get it off your chest if nothing else. You can feel comfortable talking freely here, knowing you won't be judged at all.

((((((((((( sj )))))))))) YOU'RE NOT ALONE, WE LOVE YOU HERE!!!

sj, you can stay here with all of us, and we'll celebrate your birthday with you
Angie

That is sweet of you....if only I were in the mood, ya know.
I have to figure out if letting all this out is healthy or if it is better to just keep to myself.
I wish I knew what direction to turn in...
Usually I pick the path that is most dangerous.

This is the safest place to vent honey, and you have us as support a system
Angie

((((((((Yo, sj0401))))))))))))))))))))

I can understand your anger; I went through years of change that I had no control over....it was all supposed to be "the best thing for me"

Unfortunetely, change is inevitable..and that sucks big time!

BUT---I KNOW from MUCH experience that if you keep it inside; you will either drive yourself absolutely mad OR---it will build & build & fester like an infected boil until either YOU BLOW!!!BIG TIME! outward & the "control factors" will tighten around your neck so you cannot breathe (you KNOW you don't want that! That will be a living nightmare...trust me!

Work it out: Talk to people (personal friends) OR us (the forums, because you KNOW WE CARE! OR write like a mad woman
Just sit down & let er rip....it doesn't have to make sense.....brainstorm writing....whatever you've feeling...write it down...write w/ different color pens (I'm an artist, I have a massive collection of pens/markers) Just even scribbling like mad helps.........

But please dear........DON't hold it inside.....you will regret it...trust me

Hang tight, dear..........you'll get through this. Just don't be afraid to cut loose in a non-destructive way.

(((((((((((((Veteran DAYZEE ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sorry I took so long but I just finished replying your PM. BTW, you'll notice I don't do short and sweet. Well at least not the short part.

Holding it in is NOT a good thing. EVER!!! Get it out. It's FAR more healthy. Lean on us here, keep leaning on me. You're not alone.

((((((((((( sj )))))))))

So sorry that you're feeling bad. Some people's birthdays seem to be celebrated far and wide, and others of us can keel over and die, and the world just seems to step over the cold dead corpse without noticing.

(((((((((((((((((((((sj)))))))))))))))))))))))

Why me? One good day out of 365....they is not good odds!

i kinda agree-
thanks-
really not worth a comment tho-
yeah me too

((((((((( You guys have GOT to stop sounding like Hallmark cards)))))))))))))))))) What happened to heart & soul? Genuine feelings?

Give a little bit of your soul to me; ditch Hallmark!

(((Looking for the Genuine, Real thing...DAYZEE))))))))))

Who is sounding like a Hallmark card?
Your post is confusing...is it just me not understanding?
Dayzee...please help me understand what you mean.

is what I mean! The responses you keep getting are like whipped cream over your problems; a cute bandaid on your cut (sore parts) You're not getting suggestions! You're getting "words of comfort" not ideas on how to dig yourself out of that "hole" you seem to be in.....if you're not getting what you really need from people in this forum

It's time to yell a little louder & try to focus on what you need & let people know exactly what you need! You seem to have very "deep-seated" hurts/feelings/thoughts....EXPRESS YOURSELF! Let us know what you really need....otherwise you will get nothing but "Hallmark" words of comfort!

DO NOT!!!GET ME WRONG! Words of comfort can be a beautiful feeling of warm fuzzies, but it doesn't get you anywhere w/ what you're having a hard time with! I keep hearing from ppl that are tired of complatency. Warm fuzzies are great! BUT "they don't pay your rent!"

Am I making any sense yet? If not, tell me to blow off! I'll never bother you again. MY POINT IS: if you want my help (or anybody else's) you have to specify; ask for it!! Get your needs met!

Otherwise; what good is a forum for? RSVP! PM me! I'm always around for a serious talk!

((((((((((((( DAYZEE9)))))))))))))))))))

I'm new here, but I think I understand what Dayzee is trying to say.

I think I've been guilty of starting a topic and then wondering why no one answers. Duh, it's because I didn't say HELP, I NEED HELP. It sounded more like a vent post. I went in to chat, reluctantly because I didn't want to sound like a whiner, and about 15 minutes later I was able to calm down and felt much better.

SJ, maybe if you go into chat and can talk to someone in real time, you'll be "heard" a little better.

I hope I didn't step on any toes or threadjack or anything. Just wanted to say what worked for me today when I was feeling sad and blue.

(((((((((((((((((SJ)))))))))))))))))

I hope your feeling better.

Basicly *we* come here for support, I get all the advice and lectures from my pdoc and T, I don't need to come here for professional care I come here for understanding and support.
DayZee9, you are supportive and at times you have a tendancy to try to be a good nurse, but the nurse is not needed at this time a friend is, sjO *I* believe is saying she neededs support not provider care
sjO keep on talkin we are listening
Angie

Basically that is it in a nutshell.
I go to my T, I talk with my gf. I journal. I sometimes freely let my fingers do the typing here just to get it out. This is the first place I can be me, and have other people completely understand me.
Ms. Dayzee has apologized to me. And I love her for taking the time to relieve some of her issues, even though they seemed like an attack on me.
Life is going to be ok here....let's all just keep trying to move forward to a healthier place of mind!

Don't forget *we* love ya sweetie
Angie

i certainly hope you are going to have a better day today.....i know you're having a hard time...you're on track..doing things to help yourself......PM me if you need to........xoxo pat

Dear Friends,
So kind you all have been. Wanted to just say today has been one of the better days for me in weeks.
I played hookey from work because it was such a gorgeous day out. I drove around, letting the sun shine on my face.
I did some shopping to prepare for cooler clothes for the warmer weather.
All in all, I just allowed myself a free day from all of life's worries and strains.
I appreciate all of you. Even the ones that make me search deeper in my soul!
Without you these last few weeks I would not have had the courage to do something nice for me today.
THANKS> because you all know I will need you again soon!

you're rocking today!! i'm very proud of you!!

Thanks Pat!
I have learned that sometimes it is okay to let go...and just be!
And although tomorrow is a new day...with new worries...I am holding on to my day today while I can.