[lostangel]

I have a had a bad weekend and weeks with my family. When I read about everyone else and their familys it makes me feel like I am not the only one. I never saw my family on easter weekend because we are all mad at eachother well they are mad at me for expressing my self and i am mad at them for the way they treat me for expressing myself. i am not a kid anymore and i have the right to feel and express myself. and i have the right to express how i feel about the way some people are to me or my kids or others. well i did that. see my niece came over for the march break and she was to stay just until Tue. but she and i both wanted her to stay until Thur. she was going to ask my sister but my sister started to come down on her and when we drove her home Tue night my sister didn't say thank you or anything she was a ****** and i came down on her for that and for the way she was. i guess that was wrong to do. so the next two days i told my mom i was not coming because i knew there would be a angrment and my mom, sister and niece would have come down on me. my niece came down on me and said i am making the kids suffer because i was not going. i think i did everyone a favorite for not going so we would not fight. if i went and we fought then the kids would have suffer..so now we are not talking and there is more to this store too.

see for a long time i could not understand why my mom treated my different then my sister when we were growing up. i now know why. my mom cared and loved my sister more then me. you know how i know. when my sister's kids were born my mom had no problem going into the hospital but when my two kids were born my mom and sister had a problem about the hospitals and never was there after my girl was born. my mom would call me names put me down yell at me hite me but not my sister. she would yell and get mad at me for taking my sister places but not get mad at me for taking us places. when my sister was ripe by my uncle my mom made a big deal out of it but when i was ripe by three different men even my cousin my mom didn't care. when my sister got pregnant at the age of 18 i was kicked out of the house. when i needed help or a place my mom and sister made a big deal out of it but when my sister needed help or a place my mom didn't make a big deal out of it. when i was pregnant with my son and living with my mom because of my son's father my mom turn to me and told me to go and live with my dad. but she would not do that to my sister. my mom hates her son who she doesn't see over 10 years and she always says i am just like my dad but never says that to my sister.

my mom puts everyone down behind there backs but can not say it to their face. she always put my sister down to me but could not say anything to my sister and i know she puts me down more. when i did drugs and drink my mom made a big deal but when my sister started to do the drugs she didn't make a big deal my mom had a join with my sister for fk .......when i was in the hopsital for a month waiting to give birth to my girl my husband to be family was there and my mom and sister was not at all they made a big deal out of it because they had to watch my son because i had no one else and my son felt like they didn't care but if that was my sister o boyyyyyy my mom would be there......

now you know just why i am the way i am now..because of this and how i am treated....sorry....

i saw a tee shirt one time that said "family, can't live with 'em and can't kill 'em"...we can pick our friends but we cannot pick our family. you must be feeling really down over all that went on Easter. i'm sorry about how you were treated as a daughter...that really sucks. do you see a therapist? i went to a psych doc for 5 years and finally figured out that i could not please my mom...i'm a hard nut to break 'cause i truly believed that i'd do something that pleased her..........do you take ADs? is your husband cool and understanding about your family? you need an ally.....let us know how you're doing now.......pat

[nothemama8]

Hey Pat, who says ya can't pick your family, I have been doing that for about 39 years and it has worked for me my blood family can all go to H, I chose yopu folks as my family so Debbie and Pat you are my sisters
Angie

[lostangel]

thank you both for what you said. and i know you can not pick your friends or family. but then you are right you can pick your family and friends. i guess both you can pick in some ways. manny's family are nice people and i something feel they don't like me or my son. manny doesn't understand because he has a good family and not bad friends. there isn't much i can do about my family just that i hope they come around and see that life is too short for this bull..i am not saying i been much help too but like i said i have the right to express how i feel just like everyone else too. and thank you for saying you are my friends i like to very much.. my friends that i have only hung out with me if i had a car or they do things with me because they feel sorry or because manny is good friends with her boyfriend and you know what they can go to hell because i don't need that too.

but thank you again. i seen doctors and it didn't help me at all. it only open doors that i wish to keep close. i am having so much problems with me son and the way he is with me, manny and his siter and manny's family and with himself...will it ever get better...

[jmo531]

((((((((((((((((((DEBBIE))))))))))))))))))

I have the same type of family. I have only really forgiven my mother for all the s*it I endured as a child. i stay away from the rest of them because I want to avaid conflict and petty behavior. I'm sorry your mother makes you feel this way. I totally understand. It doesnt feel very good. All you can do is be the best mother you can be for your kids. Break that cycle of negativity.

[lostangel]

thanks and i am sorry you went through that too. I does hurt and makes you feel unwelcome and everything. but thanks for what you said and i will try not to do that with my kids.

how old is your son and what are the problems with him? hang in there.......we're here...pat

[dayzee9]

(((((((((((((((( LostAngel)))))))))))))))

Your story brought me to tears, it really did! Lost families are one thing I can finally really relate to....and I am sorry for your losses......then there's the ultimate "BUT",,....

I come from a totally "Grade A: Dysfunctional family" There wasn't the tiniest thing even somewhat "normal" about my family. From Day 1...it was fights 24/7; beatings; my brothers getting me drunk/high/dropping acid in my KoolAid; sexual abuse; yelling; everyone eventually getting caught into the juvenile court system including me...by age 15 (and I was late!) Our family was slaughtered all over the state in different types of institutions.....I was introverted, rebellious...man, I was angry & extremely sad & I had no one to "open up to" w/o them stabbing me in the back somehow. Then the family starting falling apart in the worst ways....suicide...my favorite brother splattered himself against the wall 3 days before Xmas when he was 18. I just withdrew more; everyone refused to talk honestly about it. It was always "snap out of it"!!! "Get over it!" Every week the mail would bring misc. letters from misc family members with just more bad news to add to the growing fire of miscommunication; more arrests; address changes.....It got to the point where I referred to my Mother as "W*** Central" because she was always in contact w/ everyone's business; we all spent too many years drinking; beating; withdrawing from life and each other more...year after year...then we became "adults"....not a lot changed (I am the only girl & youngest) I was the one who went into the Army to go into psych nursing; I wanted things to change. Other people who even talking casually about their "o.k. famillies" brought me to tears of sadness....and bitterness. So, everyone kept drugging and drinking and talking behind each others backs...until I almost died (several dozen times in ICU on life support) My family "tried to come together" and w/ the help of internet/e-mail we finally tried to "bond"...and then we lost another brother,just last April as a matter of fact....died while taking a nap d/t complications from when he tried to blow himself away a few months earlier.(shotgun/suicide)

Hey folks, you notice how long I went w/o any smilies???

It's b/c there's the ultimate BUT I mentioned, remember? Here's my BUT...I have 2 brothers left, the youngest next to me & the oldest. The oldest, we have grown away from many disputes never resolved (His sexual abuse against me) The "youngest" has Hep C, won't quit drinking (so it'll kill him real soon) AND he refuses to go to "chemo" b/c "he doesn't want to lose his long hair." And for my parents...we've agreed to disagree & go on........

SO, Either I could say "This is why I'm sad & will never get better" & just say OR
I could turn around & spew out all those years of bitterness and introverted self-pity....and do unto others what I was not able to do for my family.......that means you guys! And the outside world That's why I stay w/ psych whether in a professional sense....or thru these forums/or my website group. I seen and felt too much hurt & then spent too many years doing nothing but sit & feel bad.

You have a choice, ((lostangel))) and others....me/////I have my weeks....I still have a Major Depressive Disorder that will chemically cause me to have episodes of deep depression, but I have the choice to stay alive physically AND mentally...or I can drown in the pool with so many other "lost souls" (they HAD a choice before drowning, too)

SO.........what's my point? Think about it for awhile..get back to me, because right now I may say something I regret later......there is another choice ALWAYS.......Those content w/ misery will die there.....I'm just trying to get thru every day like everybody else! I've kinda made some really "positive connections" w/ some people around the forums....I've cried, I've helped...I hope!

(((Think, Lost Angel.....DAYZEE9))))))))))w/