Been Thinking...

I've been thinking for perhaps too long now that I maybe mildly depressed. I say mildly because I'm not comotose nor have I gone out of my way to act out something dangerous. But for about two and a half years now, I've noticed myself having multiple symptoms of depression. For instance, my sleeping pattern is sporadic that I either stay up crazy late or wake up far earlier than I intended. I look at my life most the time and think that there is no meaning to it and that I live an empty existence. When I'm by myself, I feel persistently down and find reasons that may or may not exist that make me feel like a bad person.

I typically can't stop thinking and can't concentrate on much of anything non physical for more than a small amount of time. Half the time, I find things that are enjoyable just end up becoming another chore or become uninteresting. The feeling typically passes every once in a while, but I feel like it always returns in like a month or two, if it lets up.

I'm 18 right now, and have never been diagnosed with depression, though mostly out of a refusal to seek actual help/ stubborness that I'm fine. I can usually function enough so that I can do classwork and maintain a decent appearance. But everything always ends falling to pieces if given enough time. I've had at least two friends and and two school staff members recommend getting help, but I've backed out each time.

I've been thinking and debating for the longest now whether or not I should get help, or if I'm just making it all up in my head. When I say making it up, I mean like, I know the symptoms of depression, so am I making up the symptoms in my head because I know them, or are they real and I'm just stubbornly trying to talk myself out of it? Admist all of my rambling, I really just don't know what to think.

My only advice would be to see your doctor. Only he will be able to tell you if it is depression, or perhaps something else.
I've been dealing with it for awhile, then it got to the point it was being pointed out to me, that I must be depressed. Saw my doctor, and he said I was pretty bad..
Perhaps, if I saw my doctor sooner, rather than later, I could have got help before I got this 'bad'
Hang in there

Welcome Foxshade,

It sounds like you are having a hard time and it has been going on for a while. It can be scary to feel this way and not know what is going on. I can tell you that when I was in high school I felt similarly to how you do. I also wanted to deny that there was anything wrong. I felt that since I could go to school and do my homework then there must be nothing wrong (ie it was all in my head). I can say though, that things only got better with time when I asked for help. When I kept denying that there was a problem things just got worse It was really hard to do. Even if you don't have depression (and that would be up to a professional to make that diagnosis) it sounds like you could use some help. It sounds like you have people around you who care about you. Could you ask them for help? Could you ask your parents or relatives? I was scared to bring it up with my parents so I talked to the minister at my church and she talked to my parents for me. Could you go back to the person you backed out of talking to before? It is not uncommon for people to find it hard to ask for help and to cancel or not show up for initial appointments with professionals, so don't worry about that.

Know that we are here to support you. Feel free to ask any questions you have.

I agree with ((((googley)))) do what you can to fight your depression. Hugs for your day.

When in doubt, get help It can't hurt. Besides, you're suffering, so you need to do something about it
Posting here is a very good start, we'll do our best to support you

Take care

I'm actually about to start my second year in college now and it's still just as bad as ever. But I talked with a friend last night who has chronic depression. She was pretty mad at me because I told her I've been refusing to get help for a while. She's convinced me to do someting about it, so I'm going to talk to the couselors on campus when the year starts. I'll be honest though, I feel really, really nervous and scared about doing this. I don't really know where it'll lead, but I guess I'll try. Just... I don't know why it's so hard to imagine talking to someone about it.

((((((Foxshade)))))) I am so glad that you were able to find someone to talk to, that is great. Though I am sorry to hear that your friend suffers from this illness also. But as you can see here at PC we with depression can really help each other. Being that you were able get your feelings down in print here at PC I would recommend that you print your post out and take it to you counselor with you. This will help your counselor see how you truly feel. Good luck, hugs for your day.

Foxshade, the first therapist I saw as an adult was on my college campus on a friend's recommendation, just like you. Don't know if it would help you, but my friend came with me and stayed until I got called in. Otherwise, I might have bolted. She was the only one who knew at first, so it was good to talk with her as needed.

Alright, so I've called up my campus yesterday and asked discretely about when I could see a counselor, and they've said anytime the first week. That would be atleast august 24th, so I've got some time until then. And so taking some of the advice I'm recieving I think I'm giong to have a friend go with me. I've already called up one of my best friends from my campus, and he said he'd go with me. I told him what it was about and he seemed pretty cool about it. I also told my gf and I didn't have an idea of what she'd think. She sounded supportive after I explained, and said she was there for me. So I feel alot better about actually getting up and going at the moment. The thing is though, I have no idea how I'll feel when I actually go to see the counselor and I'm afraid if I'm not feeling immediately bad that day, I won't stress or communicate how I feel when things are going bad.