[lostangel]

well today was a upsetting day. i got two bad messeges from my niece who was talking for my mom who could not do it her self who had to hide behind a 12 year old and tell my niece what to say and she could not do it. everything that is going on goes back to when i was a kid to now and how i was treated and could not understand why i was treated different then my sister was and now i understand why. my mom loved her more and loves my sister's kids more then my kids. i thought i was ok to express how you feel to those who have hurt you well that i what i did. well i guess i should have not. to them i live to far and it cost to much money for them to visit and for my mom to see her other two grandkids and her daughter but it is ok for me to take the trip down and i should not say anything. and i guess i am to ask my family first when it comes to my wedding not my husband's family. and when it came to babysitting and my mom said she would help me sister so she can get a job but when i ask my mom said no. and i am not to get mad about that. and when it came to my sister's kids being born and my mom had no problem seeing them in the hospital but she had a big problem when my kids were born i am not to get mad about that too. there is so much that i have the right to get mad at and hurt by that i seen how my mom treated me and how she treated my sister. my mom hates her son and don't want to see him. my mom give her son up. my mom said i have to much time on my hand to sit and think i guess i am not to think but she has so much more time on her hands and that is ok. and it is ok for my sister to come down on me and it isn't ok for me too. there is so much more but i just want to speak out and just i guess say how much i am hurting and upset and mad and everything because of this. i wrote them a letter well my niece and saying how much i am sorry for what happen and sorry if i said anything upseting well she laugh and my mom laugh at that. i guess manny was right. they don't care and i have to see. and see once and for all that they don't care about me or my kids. what did i do so wrong to them but express how i feel i thought that was what i am to do.

well i lost a mom, sister and niece and i am not sure about my nephew. my niece's birthday is coming up and she make sure that i am not to go and she don't care if i do or don't and if i send anything she will send it back. how does that make me feel. she threw everything back in my face so did my mom. i said i was sorry and i said how much i loved them and how much them mean to me and this is how much they care about me and my kids. after all these years it all comes out. why what did i do so wrong.

[vacantangel]

Lostangel, I'm sorry that you're feeling hurt and that your mom loves you and your family less than your sister and her family. That would really suck. I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is but you have every right to voice your feelings and make them heard. I'm sorry you were laughed at. That wasn't very sensitive for them to do that to you. Did I understand you to say that you live farther away from your mom than your sister does? Maybe that's why there isn't the same closeness and she couldn't come to the hospital when your children were born. Sorry, if I'm misunderstanding. You have a right to whatever feelings you have. Would it be possible for you to talk with your mom directly instead of through your neice? Maybe that way you would be able to get things sorted out easier. My heart goes out to you.

((((((((((((((( lostangel )))))))))))))

[CJR520]

I'm so sorry for how you feel, but now you need to go on and find things for you and your children to do that are lots of fun and healthful for all of you. In my case, my parents always favor our brother. My sister and I are the ones left out, or picked on and talked about. Don't apologize for how you feel or what you have said to them. That just gives them all more to feed on. Sounds like your neice is what I call a pot stirrer. She likes to be right in the middle and keep the ball rolling. If you completely quit telling her anything at all, then she will be out of the loop, and your Mom will have to come to you if she wants to know anything. May take a while, but I bet it works. Keep your chin up and hug your kids!!!! Carol

[Kathyanita]

This is heart breaking when families do this. But I think I would have to look at it like this: youre on a journey and theres an abyss you need to cross. You see 2 bridges. The toll bridge is new and reliable and will cost you. But the old brigde is familiar and free but is a weak structure. Your family wants to go the free way over the dysfunctional bridge but you need to use the new reliable crossing. Let them go the old way, its familiar and free. You pay the toll- but who is more likely to make it across? Some people have to break away to save themselves and it hurts.

[lostangel]

i understand what you guys are saying and thank you very much. i did try to talk to mom but she always puts my niece on the phone. at first the letter i wrote was for my sister and my niece but then it turn out to be for my niece because she is like me where no one cares or wants to listen and i thought since she understand she would listen and care. but i guess i was wrong. my mom was the one talking throw my niece making my niece talk for her. she done that before on me. my mom and i were talking then she gets me niece to talk for her. my niece is all fk up and my mom does this. i am not mad at my sister because the way our mom treats us or my niece for that. i am mad at my niece for talking to me that way and laughing and i am really mad at my mom and my sister for somethings. i do love them and i am sorry for what i said but you are right i should not be sorry for expressing how i feel. you are right i have the right too. they hurt me and they hurt my kids. but you are right i have to make my own new life with my kids and forget them. maybe one day they will come around and i hope not too late. thank you again.

[lostangel]

o ya. and you ask how far my mom and sister lives. they live about a hour away from me or less. just a subway to my house. i live in mississauga and they live in toronto...even when i live about 20 mins from them they still made a big deal....when you have outsiders seeing how they treat me and now my mom treat me then makes you wonder and when you have other family members saying to you, well you know how this family is makes you wonder why your mom had you. it hurts but i guess i have to do what everyone is saying move on with my life and my friend is my kids now..i just hope and pray they see this and it isn't too late.

[vacantangel]

I'm sorry you're so troubled by the lack of relationship you have with your mom, sister and your family. Have you told your mom that you don't want her to put your niece on the phone, that you want to talk with her directly?

If you've tried everything you know how to do, then sometimes if the relationship is too toxic for you, it is best to walk away from it. It will only hinder you in life. Hopefully, she will come to a point where she will realize what she is doing to you and how hurt she has lead you to feel and make a valiant effort to correct that but you also can't hang onto the hopes, as much as you want to, that will ever happen. Geez, I'm telling you this and it makes me think of something of my own that I'm clinging to a very remote hope for. I know how very hard and heartbreaking this is for you. My heart goes out to you and you are in my thoughts. BTW, I live in Toronto too. How about that eh, 2 angels here.

((((((((((((( lostangel ))))))))))))))

[lostangel]

i did before and i told my niece when she came up that weekend on March break i told my niece everything and she still does it. i even call last night to talk to my mom and no one answer the phone so i left it on their answering machine to stop puting sam on the phone and i told them if they have something to say come to me and say it. to them they have alot to say so i told them to come to me. my mom told sam in the messege that she will write a letter, she can get a 12 year to speak and then write in a letter but she can not talk to me. i only wrote the letter because i had to send a card for my niece so i wrote a letter that was meant for my sister but some how it turn out to be for my niece i don't know how that happen but it.

i know i understand what you are saying and i hope one day they see this before this is too late. my family is not a close family. my mom always put me, your sisters down and who every else down too. she cutes others up but when you tell her this she gets mad and turns it all around. my mom is the only one who knows things and you don 't, my mom is the only one who has problems and no one else. she says i have to much time on my hands so does she. i am out looking for work and i have a 2 year to take care of. she has nothing to take care my sister kids are old enough that one day my mom will not look after them. i can not do any good in her eyes not like my sister.

but thanks again. i understand when you were saying what i should do and you said you had your own i am the same way too. it is hard to do it for yourself. but thanks. ya we both live in toronto wow. were in toronto do you live. that is good to know. i am here for you too. email or what ever so we can talk.if you want too.

[lostangel]

maybe i can explain it better today. see it happen when i was growning up as a kid with my mom and sister. i would get yell at, my mom would hit me and call me names and make me feel unwanted where i would go out and find friends moms or friends of the family or even other family members who would give me what i am looking for that my mom didn't give me. i could not understand why my mom would yell at me more then my sister or yell at me for taking my sister places but not us places. and when i was rape and i never told my mom for years and when my sister was rape by our uncle my mom made a big deal out of it and when i told her my coucin rape me, a friend, and my son's father she didn't seem to care too much. i was told to shut up about it. when my sister was pregnant i was ask to move out. my mom would call me slut just because i had male friends she thought i was sleeping with but i was not. but it is ok for my sister to sleep with her kids father brother and my sister's old boyfriend's big brother. that is ok. when i got kicked out of my place because of a friend my sister and mom made a big deal out of it but when my sister got kick out of her house and move with us that was ok and my mom didn't make a big deal out of it but she cute my sister up behind her back. o yes my mom does that cutes my sister up behind her back to me and i know she does that about me too. my mom cutes up her sisters, me, my sister, my friends and manny's family and him behind their backs but when you tell her about it my mom gets mad and turns it all around to make you feel like %#@&#!. when my sister's two kids were born my mom didn't say she hates hospital o no. she was right in the hospital seeing them and everything. but when it came to my two kids my mom and my sister both said they hate hospitals. and i ask them this why. they give me we hate hospitals but when i ask them about when my sister's kids were born and not hating hospitals they had nothing to say. they made a big deal about watching my son when i was stuck in the hospital waiting to have my girl and never came to see my girl when she was born. we had to take our little girl to them and they still made a big deal out of it. my best friends mother came to see my little girl the day she was born but were was my mother. my mom buts down manny and his family and says mean things about him. like when manny's grandfather was dieing my mom call him a old goat. and when manny said it would be nice to have a little girl my mom called him a child M....you know what i am saying...
when i was pregnant with my son and i was trying to get away from his father i move in with my mom and she turn to me and said why don't you live with your father. she never did that to my sister. she gets mad when my sister and the kids do their own things and not spend time with her but she never cared when i did my own things and i even spend time with her when we lived together and my sister never did. my mom and i went out to eat and my sister made a big deal out of that. when i was younger and i was doing drugs and drinking and having a problem my mom never was there for me she never cared. but when my sister who does drugs now my mom never came down on her all my mom did was have a joint with my sister. how about that. what do you make of that. then my mom and sister turns around and says i live to far and it cost too much money to come up and see me or my kids. my sister got mad at me because i drove my niece home on the march break. i didn't mine at all. my sister turns around to me and says that it is ok for me to come down and get my niece to take her to my house on the march break but it isn't ok for my sister to pick her up. i was being nice so she would not take the bus and subway up to my house. so we drove her home with no problems at all and my niece turns it all on me. my niece didn't want to go home. it is like my sister don't trust me or manny and that hurts. and when it comes to me and manny getting married one day i am to ask my family first to be in the wedding not anyone else first. but they laugh at it. and when i said i was sorry for the things i said and sorry for expressing my self and telling them how upset i was and how piss off i was and how hurt i was they just laugh at me and call me dumb.

manny who i am with know this and his mom told him that she can see how much i care about them and she can see just how much they don't care about me or my kids. and i did't want to beleave this because for years i could not understand why until now. if outsiders can see this then maybe it is time for me too see this too. but i don't want too. and after last night and the messeges i was listening to and the way my sister email me and what she said. i guess it is true the truth finilly comes out. why what did i do so wrong for them to treat me like this. is it because i have a man in my life and i live in something better is it because i have move on with my life and they think i am happy. guess what i am not. i am trying to find work and be happy. and they laugh when i told them that manny and i maybe break up this summer because of my son and what he is doing. how nice is that.

well you know now. i am sorry for this. i had to explain as best as i can....