HELP- need some hope

I don't know if this is appropriate or not. I know there is a list of alternatives to SI, so how about alternatives to thinking that death is the only way out of this? I feel so stuck and am looking for some hope. What do you have that gives you hope, keeps you going? Looking for a little inspiration. (And no, this is about suicidal ideation, I am not actively suicidal) Thanks for any input.

Maybe this sounds trite, but besides thinking of things like leaving my kids behind when thoughts of how my ex treated me gets to be too much (duh, why would I leave my kids with the one parent that I think isn't so good for them?) I think of things like "what would so-and-so think if they uncovered <fill in the blank> in my house after I was dead?

I think of all of my unpaid bills and how I refuse to burden anyone with that debt.

Basically, I think of all the crap that everyone left behind would have to deal with on top of the fact that I offed myself. On one hand you would think it would make me feel selfish and more worthless, but it doesn't. It's snaps me out of my current selfish thinking that ending it all would be the cure for everything, when it really is the start of even more problems.

One other thing is that there would probably be someone, somewhere that would be going "I knew she was too weak all along" and I refuse to give someone that satisfaction.


I hope that doesn't sound like I think the pain you're in right now is superficial, because I don't. I just wanted to let you know how *I* personally deal with those thoughts.

I hope you can read this before someone deletes the thread.

(((((((((safe hugs))))))))))

I like to commune with nature. Go for a walk and find beautiful things around me. I also like to go on a "my favorite soothing music binge." Those two things really comfort me. I don't necessarily try to stop the negative thoughts, but I just try to expose myself to all the posititive beautiful things like music and nature.. and sometimes my little doggie.

I think the others have pretty much said it all. I try to think of the ones I'd leave behind. I'm here for you if you need me.

Ry

I've been in a spot like the one you're in and it's really tough -- total hopelessness, reaching for any glimmer of hope....

When I can find a breath, even a shallow one, I try to remind myself that THESE FEELINGS WILL PASS. If it takes a few hours, several days, or even months, I know that if I stick it out, I am guaranteed to feel better, even if I can't find the strength to help myself right now. Hopelessness is always an illusion.

I hope this doesn't sound trite. I'm out here too, if I can help.

saafir

I think the advice you have received here is wonderful. I was in a very dark place for quite sometime not so long ago. Thinking about my children and husband and how leaving them would devistate them gave me the will to stick it out and want to get better. It is one of the hardest things I ever had to go through and I know how your feeling. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Yep. Some ppl do find that thinking about their children, or parents or friends or whatever helps ... not me. I have little hope of my own and often "use" my T's hope to continue. IT is always an option. The best thinking about this, for me, is the idea of NOT NOW. IT can always be an option... I don't have to remove it from the "list." BUT right now Nope, don't have to RIGHT NOW! (Just like you said, ideation...right now..) So when push comes to shove... try and say NOT NOW... I can always do it later IF things get any worse/unbearable etc... but NOT NOW.

BTW PTSD carries with it suicide ideation... strange brain workings... and is not connected to "normal" (LOL) suicide ideation or acts.

Thanks for the replies! Like you sky, I am basically going on my t's hope that she "gives" me at each session. But now I also have hope from here too. This place is so supportive! Knowing that other people can understand where I am helps so much. I get overwhelmed and then the feelings and negative thoughts start rushing in. I do need to remember that it will pass, but it does get hard at the moment. I think it helped just to be able to post my feelings and be responded to. Love you all