[Wants2Fly]

Where does this voice come from that says, "I don't care" in response to everything.

For a while -- months really -- I tried very hard not to get up later than 8 a.m. For the past week or so, I've been getting up around 10, and "I don't care."

For a while, I was cleaning up, unpacking, now I'm littering again, and "I don't care."

I wrote out a To Do List for the weekend, and it was all work and no play, except to go to prayer tonight, which is nourishing, but not "fun" for the inner child. I look at this long list, I feel overwhelmed, and then I say, "I don't care."

I am angry because I can't afford to take the Personal Development Program I wanted to be in. I thought it would provide a lot of support for me. I think that is where the "I don't care" started. I feel that without this program, I am going to keep on failing. That it was going to be a turning point. But then I got afraid that I would spend a lot of money and expect a miracle, and I wouldn't get one, because the only surprising and amazing things that happen in my life are bad ones.

And then I think, "I don't care anyway." So there.

And this difficulty caring about washing my hair and tidying and cleaning the house seems like a slippery slope back down into the black pit.

And please, don't one single person put the word "sweetie" in your reply. It is a pet peeve, and I swear I will find you and tear your teeth out if you patronize me with a "sweetie."

[TgrsPurr]

Wants2, this is an excellent post! However, I think you answered your own question. It all started when something you care very much about isn't going to happen. The "I don't care"'s are a defense mechanism against the disappointent your feeling. Then to add insult to injury this is something that you thought would affect every aspect of your life, most importantly...inner-self improvement. Now that this isn't going to happen you're shutting down rather than face your life without this course. You said it yourself, your overwhelmed. If I were you, I'd pick one or tasks a day to complete regardless of how I feel about it. The feeling of accomplishment will breath new life into.
tc. TgrsPurr.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((((Wants2)))))))))))))))))))))

Take care,
a grrrrrrrr grumpy bear

(I had to laugh at your last sentence, thanks ....)

dear God, i joined an e.mail service that is supposed to make me clean my house!! STO....i'm being bombarded with neat messages about the 5 minute bathroom clean....etc. etc.......

Wants, i do the identical thing that you're doing. my house sale is so messed up that i probably won't get enough money to live on during nursing school and i've been wallowing in self-pity and "I don't Care.....

i think that Tgrs suggestion is great. i have been setting the timer and then i work for 30 minutes and i reward myself....

what i see with you is a caring and compassionate woman who does her best to help others........i'm so sorry that you didn't get to take the workshop, but i do believe in fate.....i bet something else comes along soon........

i'm going to do the 3 minute vacumning now. STO

love, pat

The only thing that jumps to mind after reading your post is a children's story I've had since I was wee. Maurice Sendak's Nutshell Library is a collection of four little books.

Publisher: HarperCollins; Boxed edition 1962
ISBN: 0060255005
from the publisher---This 4-volume boxed set contains an alphabet book, a book of rhymes about each month, a counting book, and a cautionary tale all written and illustrated by Maurice Sendak. Includes the titles Alligators All Around, Chicken Soup with Rice, One Was Johnny, and Pierre.

My favourite story is Pierre : A Cautionary Tale in Five Chapters and a Prologue.

The prologue reads: There once was a boy named Pierre who only would say, "I don't care!" Read his story, my friend, for you'll find at the end that a suitable moral lies there.

Pierre has always been my mental companion when my depression gains the upper hand and "I don't care" is my response to just about everything.

btw.........not to spoil things but Pierre DOES end up caring.

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
And please, don't one single person put the word "sweetie" in your reply.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

OMG!!!! Wish I'd known this sooner! Never again... I promise... Good thing I said "Friend" in my PM. I WAS going to say "that word" but I didn't... WHEW!!

[Myzen]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

And please, don't one single person put the word "sweetie" in your reply. It is a pet peeve, and I swear I will find you and tear your teeth out if you patronize me with a "sweetie."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Wants,

There wouldn't be any point. My teeth are already falling out of their own accord!

Cheers and good to hear from you, myzen.

[Shaymus]

Ive always wondered if anyone has ever said "i dont care" and truly didnt. Seems most of the time when i say it if i was honest id say "i wish i didnt care". The 12 year old in me is dyin to use the s word here but i will contain myself

Do they offer the class again sometime in the future? Maybe you could slowly save up for it over time and get to go. The cleaning and getting up early thing arnt my strong suits either. I tend to put off cleaning til things get to the gross stage. Im getting ready to move and i still have lots and lots of boxes that arnt unpacked and i moved here 2+ years ago. Kinda nice now that im moving again.

[nothemama8]

I promise on my honour as a good girl scout never to us that word in a post to you, I want to stay your frien, besides I have dentures, and look funny without them
Love ya
Angie

i'm standing in line behind Wants if i'm ever called "sweetie" or "hun" or "babe" again.......i have a hammer in my hand.. it feels condescending to me and besides men have called me that alot and it gives me very bad vibes....like those men that stand in your personal space.....

wants, i got way off of "i don't care".....today is a day for that. i know that if i work on the house, my leg will hurt tomorrow like ****.....but my house is horrible. it's been so long since i couldmove around good....oh well, "i don't care".....xoxoxo pat

[nightdream]

Being disapointed often brings the "I don't care" in us, for ourself that is. Sometime there is too much negative one after another. The main thing is to keep trying, maybe in a different direction.

I use that "word" often. It didn't crossed my mind that it could hurt someone or trigger something in them. So my apologies Wants2Fly and Fayerody. If there is anybody else who doesn't want me to use that "word" with them, please let me know. I would appreciate to know rather then hurt.

I hope you are feeling a bit better Wants2Fly!
nightdream

i think that my negative vibes started because i'm really petite and for some reason, men sorta try to pat me on the head, while calling me "sweetie" or someting else intimate...when i bought and sold feeder steers, there was a lot of that going on at the auctions and i always tried to unload a few head on some of those guys. it's okay that you've called me that.....but i'm more comfortable with pat.........xoxoxo

[Wants2Fly]

Grrrr -- FuzzyBear has the right way to express anger. I know that Sweetie is well-meant, and I never expressed my pet peeve bec. I rationally do know that, but I am not being rational right now, I am angry and scared and MEAN.

And let me tell you, you tear someone's teeth out, and they are never going to say any "S" word again (not without dentures at any rate). Cuz ya gotta put yer teeth together to do it.

I guess many of us have pet peeves bec. my mailbox was pretty full with people expressing their own pet peeves.

But I didn't mean any harm to anyone, honest. I am just being pissy.

Tiger is absolutely right -- the "I don't care" started because I cared so much about taking that workshop that I can't hardly stand not going. But also understand that my expectations for it were very unrealistic. So if I am mad now, imagine how much madder I'd be if I was still a failure and muchos dineros lighter.

Thanks all for the well wishes and support.

Now I'm going to find a bear-cave of my own

Wants2Fly flew off, cackling wildly to herself in a most disturbing manner . . .

[TgrsPurr]

Wants2, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you that I find your writing to be fresh and exciting. Full of word pictures and clear self expression. You have an awesome vocabulary and know how to use it. I think your interesting, animated and intelligent. Forgive me for gushing a bunch of mush, but hey, at least I didn't call you "sweetie".
So, Honey, I just wanted you to know that your posts are appreciated by me, even if I can't relate to the topic, I still respect your writing. (just kidding about the "honey", lol, I like my teeth where they are...in my head, lol).
TgrsPurr. xo

fayeroe and i cleaned my truck out!! she smelled everything that i put on the ground and walked with me when i carried the trash to the dumpster in the alley.......i am so proud of us!! it's been bugging me for weeks and the weekends have been cold, wet or really windy..........i scored!!!!!!!!! and you have every right to fly off on your broom, cackling and spitting into the wind!!!

[TgrsPurr]

Yeah Pat!!!!!!!! See what I mean, once you get started and have that sense of accomplishment, it's encouragement to do more. Plus it's something that pretty much gives you immediate gratification. I love that. BTW, your doggy friend sounds very well behaved. Good for you for teaching him(?) some manners! xo

she's a her. faye for a past prez of planned parenthood and roe for roe vs. wade. she's half airedale and half boxer.

for once i was able to wrestle the "i don't care" to the ground and stomp it....it's very hard for me to do it...i isolate myself so much that no one sees my house or my truck...the one constant is pet food.......i'm on top of that all the time.....my food? eehhh...what ever is here usually is what i eat. it's not good, this "i don't care" itis.

[(JD)]

I agree with shay too... maybe it's said when you don't want to care... or wish you felt like you care... and since it's bothering you enough to post.. maybe you really DO care. IMO it's said sometimes when you care, but you're either trying not to, or unable to do anything about it so you try to tell yourself it doesn't matter anyway?

There are things we don't need to care about. i.e. something that's already done with and you can't change.

ME? Idon't care for most of those terms that couldn't possibly apply to me anyway... and "you're" going to call me what you want to anyway to my "face" or not.

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((WTF))))))))))))))))))))))

Hugs if you want them. I am sorry your unable to take the personal development program. I agree with Tgrspurr, I beleive this is where the "I dont care" started. I too find your posts very refreshing and well written.
You did scare me though. I have a very bad memory. I think it's the meds. If I ever call you sweetie....Can I get another warning please. I too prefer my teeth in my mouth.

[wisewoman]

Ha Ha Ha Jmo, you are funny. I call people sweetie or darling in a very loving way and I have to admit that when I saw that I was scared too. In fact, I have 2 younger co-workers I call sweet pea. I call my 83 year old friend honey. I am not from the south but I come from a place where no love was shown and to be able to address people in this way allows me to show my feelings and validate that the world can be a loving place.

[Wants2Fly]

I was being a brat @ the "sweetie" thing.

[Wants2Fly]

A lot of the comments here have been very helpful. I have admitted to myself that the "not caring" started with feeling angry and disappointed about not being able to take the PDP.

Not just writing that it started there, but doing my best to allow myself to really feel the anger and pain in my body and admit that it is there, that it needs to be acknowledged and in some way dissipated. I think acknowledging it helps to get rid of it, too.

I still feel angry and sad but I think it is better to acknowledge that and why than to have that voice of not caring running through my thoughts.

i'm glad you created the thread.........p

[nothemama8]

I am soooo glad to be your friend, and keep my teeth, you can be pissy anytime you want, hang in there you'll get what you want soon
Angie

[SeptemberMorn]

Two things:

One, My problem is that I really DO care but most of the time, can't do anything about it. It's VERY frustrating!!

Two, when I first read that Wants2 doesn't like being called "sweety" I felt just a WEE BIT bad that she hadn't told me that sooner, since I'm a big offender. Now that I've read all the other posts from all the people that don't appreciate terms of endearment, I'm hurt. Never in my life did I use terms of endearment because it felt stupid to me. Since therapy on emotions and recognizing them, I've been free with them. Now I feel like I need that part of me to crawl back into it's shell. I don't like that.

So... don't be surprised when I don't show my affection for you by calling anyone any term of endearment.