admitting

bebop · Oct 27, 2009, 02:53 PM

to myself and others that I am severely depressed. I have hidden it well for a very long time. Even to myself. Funny I have been with Doc John since 96 and this is the first time I have admitted it long term. Sure I have had small bouts of depression over the years and will in the future as well. None of it is chemical imbalance. All of it is my situation. No meds have ever helped that for me so I won't go that route again. Right now I am barely functioning on a daily basis. This really started this time from my injury and not being able to do the job I dearly loved for 8 yrs anymore. I think even before that though it was minor marriage/relationship issues then blossumed into everything else. Now that my husband is no longer in the home it is the lack of human touch, companionship, friendships. I don't have any real life friends in my area to speak of. Not sure why I am even rambling on like this other than to get it out. The loneliness is killing me inside. thanks for listening or reading.

pegasus · Oct 27, 2009, 02:59 PM

Sending hugs ((((((((( bebop ))))))))))

I am sorry you are feeling so down, I know you have had a lot to cope with of late.

Is there anything that you could change about your situation? Maybe you could look into volunteering in your area, just a way to get you out of the house and meeting people again. Or start a new hobby?

Please know you are much loved at PC.

Catherine2 · Oct 27, 2009, 03:47 PM

(((bebop)))

it took courage to share and I thank you for doing it...you've always encouraged me to lean on folks here and I've been doing just that...

Lean on us as much as you need, ok?
us georgia girls have to stick together

Catherine

bebop · Oct 27, 2009, 04:07 PM

peg that is a great idea but I have to tell you that money is really tight and gas prices on the rise so fast here I just can't affored to go extra places too much. I do get out on Sundays for church and sometimes during the week to run to the store or something. thanks for your support hon.

jacq10 · Oct 27, 2009, 04:07 PM

(((((((((((bebop)))))))))))))

I'm sorry to hear that you are in so much pain right now. It takes a lot, and I mean A LOT of courage to admit that you are struggling, and so you have already taken a huge step to feeling better.

I think it is fantastic that you have been with Doc John since '96, however just because you have been more of the "supporter" rather then the "supportee" doesn't mean that you can't seek some help for yourself. I am so happy and proud of you for even making this post.

Please don't hesitate to PM if you would ever like to chat...

Hang in there, things will get better.

Jacq

bebop · Oct 27, 2009, 04:09 PM

catherine you got it friend! Ga peaches! lol. on days like today with all this rain I think it is the worst! thanks for the encouragement and support.

bebop · Oct 27, 2009, 04:10 PM

jaq you made me cry! thank you so much for those words. I am for once speechless.

justfloating · Oct 27, 2009, 04:24 PM

((((((((((bebop))))))))))))

jacq10 · Oct 27, 2009, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bebop

jaq you made me cry! thank you so much for those words. I am for once speechless.

(((((((bebop)))))))

I mean it, I'm always here if you need an ear... or a shoulder

wickedwings · Oct 27, 2009, 07:00 PM

I know I have hidden my depression from everyone when I try a new treatment (medication) because I want to do better. I want that so much and hate to disappoint people. Like right now, we spent so much money on my medical bills. And we cannot go any further in life because of the debt load that I created due to my illness. I just cannot fail, even though I didn't fail. It's just enough is enough. I don't want to give up and don't want people to give up on me.

googley · Oct 27, 2009, 08:11 PM

(((((((bebop))))))

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. It took me years to admit that I was depressed (and it was chronic). It can be hard to accept. I went back and forth between feeling relieved that I knew what was wrong and worried about what it meant for me. I hope that you feel better soon. I hope that you are able to get involved with other people IRL to help you. Always feel free to post here also, cus everyone here is really supportive.

bebop · Oct 27, 2009, 09:08 PM

thank you all for your support. you guys amaze me all the time! what a great group of people here at pc! I do mean that too.

I will never give up on you guys either.

Oct 28, 2009, 01:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bebop

to myself and others that I am severely depressed. I have hidden it well for a very long time. Even to myself. Funny I have been with Doc John since 96 and this is the first time I have admitted it long term. Sure I have had small bouts of depression over the years and will in the future as well. None of it is chemical imbalance. All of it is my situation. No meds have ever helped that for me so I won't go that route again. Right now I am barely functioning on a daily basis. This really started this time from my injury and not being able to do the job I dearly loved for 8 yrs anymore. I think even before that though it was minor marriage/relationship issues then blossumed into everything else. Now that my husband is no longer in the home it is the lack of human touch, companionship, friendships. I don't have any real life friends in my area to speak of. Not sure why I am even rambling on like this other than to get it out. The loneliness is killing me inside. thanks for listening or reading.

You Beebop, hold everything together here....
So being in denial is what we are very good at = numbing.
You focus so much on other people that you've forgotten about you.
Rambling, venting, sharing, - Isn't that is what WE'RE ALL here for.
AND if you didn't have any issues how could you be compassionate to us.
You're a very strong and sensitive person - and human like all of us.........
So this is our time to be here for you!!!!!!!!! OKAY..... Let us help too!

ZilchHour · Oct 28, 2009, 04:55 AM

Sometimes revelation is the right form of resolution.

Reagrds
ZILCH HOUR

Briester · Oct 28, 2009, 10:05 AM

Bebop,

I had some of the same issues as you earlier when I was alone. It seemed liked I had no one ever I could really talk to after my mother passed away. It's a bit better in that department now that I'm married to a wonderful woman but there are many of my dark thoughts and aspects that I simply cannot or will not burden her with so for the most part I stay silent. My father never really knew what to do and for years insisted that I was "manic depressive" despite my telling him from time to time how low I was feeling and even insisting that I never had "highs" or any of the symptoms associated with the manic phase of bipolar disorder. I diagnosed myself earlier with depression/dysthymia and when I finally did go to the doctor to try to get some help 3 weeks ago, she made the same diagnosis.

Anyway, I'm sorry to go off an my own tangent but just wanted to say I understand the loneliness and sadness and wish there was something I could say or do to make it all better for all of us but the only thing I can do is off a virtual hug and let you and anyone know that if they ever need/want to talk or vent, just PM me.

Take care of yourself and I hope you day gets better.

Chris

bebop · Oct 28, 2009, 11:00 AM

hon you give me a lift every day! those little pics and things I get in your pm's just brighten my day. Thank you hon.

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlite*111

You Beebop, hold everything together here....
So being in denial is what we are very good at = numbing.
You focus so much on other people that you've forgotten about you.
Rambling, venting, sharing, - Isn't that is what WE'RE ALL here for.
AND if you didn't have any issues how could you be compassionate to us.
You're a very strong and sensitive person - and human like all of us.........
So this is our time to be here for you!!!!!!!!! OKAY..... Let us help too!

bebop · Oct 28, 2009, 11:01 AM

thank you zilch.

bebop · Oct 28, 2009, 11:02 AM

thank you for your understanding. words are escaping me right now with this outpour of love I feel here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Briester

Bebop,

I had some of the same issues as you earlier when I was alone. It seemed liked I had no one ever I could really talk to after my mother passed away. It's a bit better in that department now that I'm married to a wonderful woman but there are many of my dark thoughts and aspects that I simply cannot or will not burden her with so for the most part I stay silent. My father never really knew what to do and for years insisted that I was "manic depressive" despite my telling him from time to time how low I was feeling and even insisting that I never had "highs" or any of the symptoms associated with the manic phase of bipolar disorder. I diagnosed myself earlier with depression/dysthymia and when I finally did go to the doctor to try to get some help 3 weeks ago, she made the same diagnosis.

Anyway, I'm sorry to go off an my own tangent but just wanted to say I understand the loneliness and sadness and wish there was something I could say or do to make it all better for all of us but the only thing I can do is off a virtual hug and let you and anyone know that if they ever need/want to talk or vent, just PM me.

Take care of yourself and I hope you day gets better.

Chris

Briester · Oct 28, 2009, 11:13 AM

It's my pleasure bebop. I sincerely hope you are able to find some peace each day though I know how difficult it can be.

Wishing you a bright day.
Chris

notz · Oct 29, 2009, 02:53 AM

You know where I am...peaches unite!

ZilchHour · Oct 29, 2009, 04:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bebop

thank you zilch.

My pleasure!

bebop · Oct 29, 2009, 09:22 AM

notz dang I had forgotten lol duh!

paddym22 · Oct 29, 2009, 09:36 AM

(((((((((Bebop))))))))))))

I always look at the bottom of the screen to see who is online and when I see your name all bright and pink I feel safe. I cannot imagine this place without you and all that you do. I think it is great you reached out like this. It takes guts to do that. Regretably I have no answers only prayers at the moment. I think at times like this it is best just to hang on, thats what I am doing at the moment. Rest assured we are all here behind you.

Paddy

Fuzzybear · Oct 29, 2009, 11:19 AM

((((((((((((((((( bebop )))))))))))))))))

bebop · Oct 29, 2009, 12:39 PM

oh paddy! *tears* I feel so invisible most of the time. thank you for those kind words.

Quote:

Originally Posted by paddym22

(((((((((Bebop))))))))))))

I always look at the bottom of the screen to see who is online and when I see your name all bright and pink I feel safe. I cannot imagine this place without you and all that you do. I think it is great you reached out like this. It takes guts to do that. Regretably I have no answers only prayers at the moment. I think at times like this it is best just to hang on, thats what I am doing at the moment. Rest assured we are all here behind you.

Paddy

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