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#1
Nov 09, 2009, 12:40 AM
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My head is going in circles. I can't sleep. I feel really depressed. I feel like my next T session is just going to be dealing with the immediate need of this homework assignment that is keeping me from sleeping. I used to love this class and now every assignment is just sending me for loops. I can't find any issues that I feel are good enough to have arguments on both sides of them. I think that is my black and white thinking getting in the way, but it is also a reaction to how I've been treated. I can't seem to find an issue that is worthy enough of me putting my effort into (now that is my perfectionism talking.) And I really need to sleep tonight because I have a huge test tomorrow. But my brain wont shut up and let me sleep. I've tried to study all day for this test, but I didn't get nearly as much done as I needed to. I did really poorly on the last test so I have to do really well on this one.
 I just want my brain to leave me alone. I just want some peace, is that too much to ask for?
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 Briester
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#2
Nov 09, 2009, 01:07 AM
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I need to ask for some more things. Can I have someone who loves me for who I am and will hold me when I'm scared and lonely? Someone who doesn't care that I jump at loud noises and all that entails and will still love me even when I find it hard to love myself. I'm feeling so alone and sad. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to find these things. So why should I even try and look? I'm too screwed up for anyone to ever love me. I feel like I'm everyone's second string. No one ever cares about me enough to pick me first. So why try anymore? Everyone keeps saying that it will get better with the next stage of life, but they lie. Liars all of them! It just rips me away from any semblance of anything and leaves me all alone all over again.
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| Briester
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#3
Nov 09, 2009, 11:01 AM
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Hello, googley. I will ask you a question. How would you respond to your posts?
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| googley
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#4
Nov 09, 2009, 01:11 PM
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(((((((((((googley)))))))))))
__________________
I love your faults because they are part of you and I love you. --my BFF [center][b][color=#92d050][font=Verdana] |
| googley
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#5
Nov 09, 2009, 01:42 PM
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Goggley, you sound like you have so much anxiety noe you are ready to burst! Instead of trying to force your brain to stop churning, try letting it go for a while, take a couple of minutes and just let the thoughts come, but let them go. They might stir an emotional response from you, but they generally will change shape and dispersee like clouds if you make a point of not catching onto them and pinning emotions on you. While you are doing this, don't set a value on the thoughts like, "Good" thought or "bad " thought. Juust let them come and wander right back out.
I am much like you. I have a tendeny to get very strong opinions that don't let themselves be nuanced much. I find that this technique helps me ALOT, but it needs to be practiced, and I am far from using it in all parts of my life. It is murder when my either-or thinkiing and anxiety totally paralyses me. I hope this can help you some, and good luck with the test. As far as love; yes, absolutely, you are worth someone picking you first and devoting a life to you if you do the same. I really think so.
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| googley
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#6
Nov 09, 2009, 02:03 PM
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Dear Googley, ~ It sounds like you have to pick a subject for your homework assignment in which you have to argue both sides. That would be difficult. However, what about picking something you are familiar with - like depression? Is that a possibility? Good luck on your test!
Are you able to get out among people and socialize? This is one of the few ways in which you can find someone to love you. And by that I mean to love you for who you are. Many of us have very negative opinions of ourselves, but that does not reflect others' opinions of us. If you are going to school, your mind is much better that mine and than many of us! If you are able to study at all, that is a very good thing! Concentrate on your positive qualities; expose yourself to social situations; look for the good in yourself and others; and know that you are as lovable as anyone who is engaged in a satisfying relationship. Caring About You ~ billieJ |
| googley
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#7
Nov 09, 2009, 05:31 PM
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((((((((((((( googley )))))))))))))
 
__________________
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| googley
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#8
Nov 09, 2009, 07:04 PM
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(((((((googley))))))
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| googley
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#9
Nov 09, 2009, 07:30 PM
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 (((((googley)))))
__________________
======================================== wishing peace, love, happiness, and well being to us all....... miray |
| googley
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#10
Nov 10, 2009, 01:46 PM
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Googley, you've always been so kind even though you're experiencing your own pain. I can't help too much but remind you to try to love yourself even though I know that's one of the hardest things to do. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile..it does work my friend.
 If you can just start on this, then eventually liking yourself will become a habit I think. Then when the time is right you can share that with someone else because they'll be drawn to that beauty inside you. You have it even now, it just needs a bit of dusting off like a well-read and beloved book that's been on it's shelf, waiting to be read and loved again. Chris
__________________
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| Berries, googley, lonegael
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#11
Nov 10, 2009, 06:19 PM
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Hello, Googley!
Quote:
Quote:
Able to find? Maybe they need to do the finding. Try and Look? Perhaps the finding will happen when you're not looking. Googley!
__________________
My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| googley
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#12
Nov 10, 2009, 08:41 PM
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Thank you everyone for your support. I was able to get two tests out of the way so some of the stress surrounding school is done. I think I also found a topic for my paper. Now I just have to run it past my professor. I think she will like it. And it will challenge me so that will keep me interested. I think the test went really well so that helps. I am working with other people in my classes, and that and chior are my ownly social times. It is hard with school to get out much other. Especially when it takes so much energy. Often leaving me exhausted afterwords.
It is hard to believe that there will be someone who cares about me though, being as my parents never showed that they did. They were just abusive. I'm in graduate school and I've never even been on a date. The idea scares me. I feel like I should just give up hoping. I know its just the depression, but it is hard to believe it will be different. Who is going to want to take on all my **** as part of the deal. |
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#13
Nov 11, 2009, 06:32 AM
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((((((((((Googley))))))))))
I'm sorry you've had to go through so much Googley. I'm glad the test went well and the teamwork and choir are good areas to interact with people before you take time for yourself again, just don't get TOO lost in yourself and being alone, that only feeds the depression. Find some peace my friend. Chris
__________________
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| googley
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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