[hey_hey]

I know most of ya all are sleeping, but it's daytime here for me now. I have been feeling pretty good recently until today's lunch break. I don't know why I'm just suddenly feeling like a total collapse (physical and mental). I just settled a big deal with a client, got everything done well. Everybody is happy... I was feeling great...... Then things get quieter... although I have many other cases at hand, but they are in no hurry, so I was just trying to chill out a bit, but, this feeling of worthlessness attacked me... it often caught me in big time, I don't know how to handle these less busy interludes. It's not like I can't bear, it's just the weirdness, and the suddenness of its landing on me, and I'm scared of that it may become a trigger of getting me back to serious depression again . Ain't I supposed to feel content and encouraged by the accomplishment? Why I'm feeling the opposite?..........

Need help... ...

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

[Peanut61]

I think what you're feeling happens a lot - maybe it's the adrenaline crashing... I think that's why there are so many workaholics about, (I was one) - so difficult to 'be with' the down times. Hoping that you feel more up soon, ((((Toni)))). HUGS for you! Your friend, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT </font color=blue>

[nowheretorun]

((((((((((((((((((Toni))))))))))))))))

Maybe just changing gears? I guess I could imagine feeling something like you do, like when I was younger and playred basketball one time and I made a basket I didn't think I could and everyone cheered and I was a hero for 10 seconds... my coach began yelling at me to get my head in the game, but I just wanted to enjoy the moment for maybe a moment longer..... Maybe go back to those moments you felt exhilarated and relive them to get over your funk..... you can't enjoy those good things too much.... buy yourself a treat, some flowers... celebrate you..... Good job

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[hey_hey]

Hi Peanut,

Thanks, you are very supportive as you've always been. I think I will be better, maybe pretty soon...

Hope you have a nice morning ((((((((((Peanut))))))))))))

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

[hey_hey]

Hi nowhere,

Yes, I think it is the high gear kept me up before today... I actually began to feel that the feeling maybe is a warning to me, I may need to slow down a little bit, and see where I am heading. Not bad if I look from this angle, is it?

Yeah, I will go out for a nice dinner tonight... I will surely think about you and your encouraging words.... thanks...

((((((((((((((((nowhere))))))))))))))))))

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

[heidu]

Hey Hey,
I used to be the same way. I could do it all right, meet the deadline, everyone was happy, goal met!!
But then after I always crashed. Really down mentally and physically like you said.
My only way to deal with it is to have a job that never slowed down.....you can see where this goes right? But then before I got too burnt out I ended up moving to Norway and let me tell you, it's been tough not having a good, challenging job. But, as hard as it has been it has taught me some valuable lessons.
I dont think anything I have said helps now except maybe that I understand. I was forced to change my ways. I hope someone else can help with some ways to avoid the crash.
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

[hey_hey]

Hi Heidu,

Hey, what you said helped me for sure, knowing I'm not alone is very comforting. I've been reading lots of your posts, and know that you're having a tough time living abroad. I don't really know what to say that can really help you to go through, cause sometimes there are situations that no one can do for you, but yourself. I hope you stay strong and come to this board when you need help. (((((((((Heidu)))))))))))

I'm trying to get back on track again. It takes time, but I have to, no depression again. That's really something I'm afraid of....

Have a good day, Heidu...... I really appreciate the person you are........

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

[heidu]

Thanks Toni,
Your words and thoughts meant alot.
It does take time to deal with things and I know what you mean when you say "no depression again" I am fighting that like crazy myself. It's always knocking at my door but I REFUSE to answer. Coming here does help because sometimes we just need some comfort and encouragement.
I think my day might be ok. Hope your is good too!
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{{Toni}}}}}}}}}}}}

Good for you on your successes with your work. You should be very proud.

I understand why you feel the "letdown" after your accomplishments. It is very normal for us sufferers of this disorder as our bodies are used to being on "high"...must keep busy....gets things done....being in control. It is when we have these quiet moments that we feel out of control and the unknown creeps in. It is all normal and how to change your thinking is to accept these moments. Treat yourself during this time...buy some flowers for you....take yourself out for dinner as was suggested. Start another to do list....anything that gives you a sense of control. Just remember that what you are feeling is ok....as I like to say "embrace" those feelings.

Take care


Heather

[SeptemberMorn]

It's called "the let down." It's normal, but I think some of us experience it more intensely than others because our systems are out of whack with the chemicals in our brain.

I find that if I "give myself permission" to feel what I'm feeling and don't stress out more, I get over it quicker.

I LOVE your tag line!

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[kvinneakt]

SM: "I find that if I "give myself permission" to feel what I'm feeling and don't stress out more, I get over it quicker."

I will second that! I am learning that burying feelings in drinking, drugs, distractions, meds, etc. is not really as effective as just letting it run its course and accepting your self, flaws and all.

[heidu]

Amen to that Kv!
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

[hey_hey]

Hi Heatherm,

Thanks for your beautiful hugs wow... I like the way you put the solution. It feels so simple but so true. hey, I'm feeling better today, I'm now in the office, I'm putting on this big smile reading you guy's posts. Just wonderful to have ya all here with me. And this is a new day, isn't it

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

[hey_hey]

Hi SeptMorn,

It's always wonderful to read your words. Thanks. I'm feeling better but still trying, I have a very high consciousness on avoiding the return of depression... this is more important than trying to bear this "letdown" feeling or whatsoever. I did get some ways and experience in fighting depression, and I'm trying to apply them this time as how I did before.. But something special this time is that I've gotten your guys' support and care, that counts a lot. What a great place to come I just hope everyone here can feel stronger, and find comfort and encouragements when we are down. I really appreciated everyone's efforts...

(((((((((sept morn)))))))))

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

[kvinneakt]

Your clarity is remarkable. You have amazing insight and ability to express yourself. The coping skills you have learned will get you through anything and your sharing helps the rest of us learn with you. Thank you for sharing yourself and stepping in to help the rest of us, too, in your many posts.

[heidu]

I thought the same things of her plus she is really sweet. I am very Toni is here.
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

[nowheretorun]

double ditto

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[hey_hey]

Woooow, that's a lot of commendation (blush) Thanks, guys. KV, Heidu, nowhere... I enjoy you guys very much too. I honestly feel so warm to be here and get to know one another. I hope all of you find happiness, no matter how little it is... I know people like us don't really need much, all we want is a little more attention, care, love and acceptance...
Love you all...... ((((((((((group hugs)))))))))))

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

[Fuzzybear]

Hi Toni, I'm sorry I'm so late on this, but I really enjoy your posts too. You have a wonderful way with words ...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Take care
Fuzzy

[hey_hey]

Hi Fuzzy, thanks for the hugs... How are you doing? I hope you have a nice, nice day (or evening?)
((((((((((Fuzzzy))))))))))))

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

[Rapunzel]

Toni, the same thing happens to me too. Last spring I got a request to hire out some of my sheep to use as extras in a movie, and I was there on the movie set but they weren't using my sheep. There were camels there too and I helped with handling the camels. One morning I was doing fine, helped groom the camels and get them down to where they needed them, then after handing the camels over to the actors to shoot the scene, I just couldn't keep myself from crying my eyes out. I just suddenly felt useless. They had promised me they were going to use my sheep the next day, and they did, but I couldn't control how I felt in that moment even though I was so embarrassed and felt rediculous about not being able to control my emotions.
I didn't know that it wasn't just me that had that kind of experience, so I'm glad you shared your experience.
-Wendy

<font color=blue>Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life's innocent pleasures. -Robert Heinlein</font color=blue>

[hey_hey]

Hi Wendy,

Thanks for sharing yours too. I know how it feels when doing business with some people who are planless... Sorry to hear it made feel so bad and uncomfortable, but you will be able to handle it well next time...

I'm feeling much much better these days, cause business is going crazy, I have overtime almost everyday, 1 to 2 hrs average. It's a peak season for us, so, no choice. But I won't forget to stick my head above, to breathe more oxygen, and more importantly, to adjust in aiming again.

Have a blessed day, Wendy... ((((((((((Wendy))))))))))

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

[Rapunzel]

Toni,
Thanks for the hug! I needed that. I'm glad that you're feeling better! Don't forget to give yourself a break and take care of yourself. I guess I'll mention that I told my therapist about that incident with the movie, and that I had figured out that I just need to make sure I always have something to do so that I don't get caught feeling useless like that. I really thought I had it all figured out, but guess what he said - he said that he hoped I could get beyond having to be busy and be able to just enjoy the quiet.

BTW, that movie opens on the 12th, and I'm in it too (also as an extra - walking with a camel). If anyone wants to see me on the big screen, it's The Book of Mormon Movie. I was invited to the premeire on the 10th, but I'm not going to go. I'll catch it in the theater with everyone else.

A blessed day to you also,
Wendy

<font color=blue>Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life's innocent pleasures. -Robert Heinlein</font color=blue>

[hey_hey]

Hi Wendy,

Here you go, more hugs for you... I want you to feel muuuuuuuch more better.... Yeah, I will take it easy, you too, get some breaks.. promise?

I think your therapist did make a point there with what he said to you. It is really much harder to find enjoyments in quietness and normality... it calls for being truly mindful to details of daily life, and the ability to convert small boring things to funs. It's easy to be busy, you get occupied with work or family matters, then you don't need to think much... That's probably why more people like to keep on a high gear, everyday stay in rushes, and get this feeling of everything is moving forward... it's amazing that how this lifestyle tricks us... I think we get drained more periodically when we realize that we've been crazily running around for nothing or little is gained... As I got all these replied to this topic, more and more I feel that it's important to slow down and take a break from time to time, to reexamine our goals, to adjust in aiming... Otherwise, we are like being blind, as a matter of fact...

I will definitely check the movie out when I get chance, but it normal takes a little longer for new movies in the states to be shown here, but I will.... That's awesome, Wendy...

Have a beautiful day...

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

[Rapunzel]

It's still hard to take breaks. I had class tonight and since it's two and a half hours there was a ten minute break in the middle. The class is by satellite and I was the only one at my location so when we went to break I was all alone with nothing to do. I paced all over the classroom for the whole 10 minutes. The break seemed longer than the whole rest of the class!

Hugs back to you, Toni.

Wendy

<font color=blue>Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life's innocent pleasures. -Robert Heinlein</font color=blue>