[Eternal_Cat]

Hello all, I have found in the past that depression and envy go hand in hand. Right now I am going through a depressive phase, I think my medication needs to be changed. In the meantime however, I am extremely envious of my psychologist. She is young, slim, attractive, intelligent and makes a lot more than I do, I bet. She's also nicer, more mature, friendlier, funnier, etc. I am 26 at the moment and I have always taken the easy road through life. I work as a data entry person cos I can type. But I would like to make decisions about my career. To decide upon a path and walk it. Rather than just taking the path of least resistance. That's what i've done in the past, just drifting aimlessly, no ambition, hope, etc. I think that may have been cos i've had depression all my life, if that's even possible. But now i've been on zoloft and it's worked well up until now. I often think of my psychologist when i am feeling lonely and pathetic. I wonder what kind of company she keeps. Does she have a boyfriend? I'm sure he's nothing like me, he's probably a doctor too, and a millionaire. I should probably stop seeing her since she's making me feel so depressed, but that would make me very sad to have her out of my life. I would be thinking about her all the time. I have Social Phobia so I have no friends of my own. Any advice? I feel very bad about myself at the moment and I am having all my old thoughts. I don't know. Once I got a crush on a girl who i hadn't even seen for 7 years. I just remembered her and wished I could be in her life etc. I was crying on the floor in my kitchen and stuff like that. I don't know.

i believe that it's always easier to want what someone else has..rather than get it on our own. she may have an totally boring life. and she probably does make more than you...if you don't have a college degree and a career. now that we've covered that, what are you willing to do to better your station in life? is it possible for you go to college? get a degree? do you have a job? sounds like your med is working.. i encourage you to check into some college course and not feel so bad about what you don't have. throw your energies into getting more.......pat p.s. you didn't know this was 20 questions, did you?

[Wants2Fly]

Hello Cat -- Not quite sure what to say. So easy to write platitude such as, "You need a plan."

But I got tons of plans and getting my butt in gear is the problem, so many fears, inadequacies, maybe just plain laziness, I dunno.

Keep reaching out. Keep trying. It's all we've got.

i bet to differ, Wants......we have the opportunity to go for a walk, speak to a neighbor, pet someone's dog, look at the blue sky, smile at a toddler.......and then after we've breathed all of that life in, we will have done something. and tomorrow, we might do more. look at me, i've taken all the nursing school tests...i didn't think i could do that.....

[(JD)]

(((cat))) thinking about your psychologist is a normal thing. . . and it can be part of your therapy. Our therapists model good behavior for us. We need to realize that they are human beings with personal lives, who work for a living... work to help those of us who suffer emotionally. Too much inquiry about your T might not be a good thing, but if you feel it becomes that, be sure to discuss it with your T... and your therapy will continue to progress.

Sometimes the only path we CAN walk is the one of least resistance. Who said that is a bad thing? Getting from point A to point B can be done in many different ways. Not all are good ones, but they work.

Be gentle with yourself. Social phobia is a tough thing because the very thing you need for growth is the very thing you fear...

Let your T help you. Don't push yourself. ((((hugs))) (if you want them.)

[cat_eye]

(((((((((((cat))))))))))))

oooooooo...another Cat!

[Lauren1214]

Yeah, I second Sky. Telling your T about how you feel could be very scary, I'm sure, but it could also really move your therapy forward. I also felt that way and when I finally told my T, she was VERY understanding and I felt so much better. She didn't chastise me, she just wanted to find out more so she could help. It was scary, though, because it put me in SUCH a vulnerable position. But guess what? We are SUPPOSED to have feelings about our T's and by examining them we move forward. Plus, the feelings you're describing seem very painful and why not enlist her support in dealing with them? Take care, ok? Lauren.

[dalila]

I don't know about that - I have been in the depths of depression and i don't want anything. I just want to find a quiet place to hide and vegetate.

[Myzen]

Hi Eternal,

Envy goes deep in depression. My feeling is that the bottom line is envy of all those people who are not ill. Simple as that.

It's all part of the negative thinking of course. From experience, my advice is 'go easy'. There is no need to be competitive with others, and especially not when your in depression. That will just kick you down again at the first sign of failure.

In my last long downturn I took up a quiet activity (collecting books) and the most stressful thing I did was dusting my bookshelves. Sometimes that is all we can handle.

My message to you at the moment is 'It's not your fault'. The illness puts us in these loops and we need to recognise that. You deserve credit for sharing here, among people who know the score. Well done, Eternal.

Good thoughts to you, Myzen

PS - I sometimes think that a depressed person competing with a healthy person would be like someone with no shoes trying to run a marathon!