barely move

I can barely move. It takes so much effort. I have things to do, places to be, but I can't. I can't find the strength, motivation, or whatever that it takes to do anything.

I am just laying here in bed staring at this screen. even writing this post is painstakingly slow.

A week ago I was happy. I'd been happy for 14 days in a row. I thought I'd beaten depression; smashed it to smithereens. But NO it is back with a vengeance.
For the last 7 days the depression gets worse each day. It is really bad today.
My T comes back from vacation today and I am dreading him seeing me like this. He must be so sick of me being so sick. I know I am.

Why can't I enjoy life? Why is it so hard? Other people seem to do it so easily.
My mom said the other day--Let's make every day a party! Sure mom, let’s do that.

Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad Berries. Can you think of anything you did different to account for feeling better? It's difficult to think of completely beating the depression because this can lead to disappointment, but I'm happy that you have the drive though. Can you go for a walk and see if that helps? Do you have a pet? - having a pet(dog esp.) forces a person to get out, even if they don't feel like it and they're also calming. Try not to feel discouraged and I hope you start to feel better again soon.

Sorry to hear you are going thru such a rough spell.Ijust wanted to let you know I'mthinking of you. Huggs

Everyday I get up, feeling miserable, and then head off to work. I don't let the lack of a positive feeling inside me prevent me from doing what is on the agenda (usually).

I'm not chastising you, Berries. I'm just saying that, for me, my misery does not necessarily block me from taking action.

((((((Berries)))))
I'm so sorry your depression is back. I know it is hard to have it go away and then come back, especially in so short of a time. When this happens to me I try and remember (though it doesn't always help) that if it went away before it can go away again. I try to remember that I had a happy period. I also try to find something to look forward to in my future that will help me get through the low points. When I was in college it was almost always my choral concerts. Even when one was over, I knew when the next one was and started looking forward to that one. Is there anything you have planned in the future that you can look forward to that you know you would usually enjoy? I hope you feel better soon.

Berries, it is the worst feeling.
'The call of nature' is the only thing that can get me to move under those circumstances.
Don't be so hard on yourself and accept it rather than fighting it. You know from experience that it will pass. Just think about the next minute, rather than anything long term and overwhelming.
One thing I do that helps is talking myself through things out loud. I give myself instructions out loud when I am getting dressed, etc. or it won't happen. Sounds ridiculous, but it does help. I should mention it takes ages to accomplish anything and I am very easily distracted.
When I have a good day I can function normally. I always say to myself,
"Everything is so easy when you feel well".
So fortunate to have the internet and know that others are going through the same thing. It seems like the only consistent thing is the inconsistency of the mood/energy.
Hope by the time you read this that you are feeling better.
Sending positive energy to you.

Take care Berries.

Hang in their Berries,

we're all pulling for you.

((((((Berries))))))
I hope you soon feel better!

I have this feeling all the time, Berries. Complete paralyzation. Feeling like "oh great, here comes the depression AGAIN, can't I just have a month of happiness?"

*hugs* You're not alone. If you can muster the strength to get up and walk around, maybe check the mail or water a plant, that may be all it will take to make one day a little better. And if not today, maybe we can get up tomorrow.

(((((((((Berries)))))))))))


I'm sorry you're so low again. It's a horrible feeling being low, but it's even worse when you're coming down from a stretch of good days. I know how that feels first hand. Maybe making every day a party is a bit of a stretch for you. Maybe you could start small, by doing one kind thing for yourself every day instead. You could do something that doesn't involve a lot of energy or concentration, like lounging in the bath or watching a funny movie. When I'm feeling low, even half an hour of escape can make a world of difference.

You'll feel better again. These things come in waves. My counsellor suggests that when I'm feeling well, to write down what it is that's lifting my mood. A particular food, going for a walk, a book or television show I like, maybe a playlist of songs. She says that when we're low, we tend to forget that there are things we can do to help ourselves, and we become unable to even think of what those things are. I keep a list at the back of one of my notebooks and when I'm not feeling good, I try to force myself to do one or two of those things, and it usually helps. Maybe it's something you could put together when your mood is a little better, both as proof that you CAN feel better and suggestions for how to get that way. Sending lots of hugs and hoping this passes soon.

Correct me if I'm wrong, Berries, but are you bipolar? Is your brain slowing down, causing you to be in this cycle? Are you coming off of a manic phase, or cycling into a depressive?

When I'm overwhelmed with stuff, or when my brain is in super-slow-mo, I tend to paralyze. Can't get my "start" button pushed. Here is what is helpful to me in that situation:

Break tasks down into the smallest unit possible. If cleaning the house or even an entire room is too much, which it usually is, resolve to wash one dish or pick up one piece of paper. No, it won't make a difference to the big picture, but it will give you the tiniest feeling of accomplishment and may help push that start button. In one of my favorite self-help books, Dr. David Burns (Feeling Good) points out that "motivation follows action." He says sometimes you have to prime the pump, and doing that one little thing may get you going.

Or it may not, in which case at least there is one clean dish and you've accomplished *something.*

Even a bath or shower might lift your spirits just enough to get you going.

Don't worry about your T's opinion of treating you when you're sick. That's the T's job.

Your mother sounds a bit unrealistic. So is mine, sometimes. She's a dreamer, overly idealistic, living in a fairy tale world. That's her. That's not me. Sometimes my mother also frustrates me because she doesn't seem to get it, or wants me to join her in chasing pink clouds and rainbows. Sorry, mom. Whatever would I do with a pink cloud if I caught one, anyway?

Which reminds me--don't neglect humor. Try to read, watch, or listen to something that makes you laugh.

And do you have a pet? Mine do wonders for me.

Hey Berries,

I too have had those days. When I was going through a really bad patch all I could do was lie in my bed sometimes awake other times sleeping. I was either too tired to move or just couldn't. My flat mate was worried as I wouldn't come out my room, my curtains were always shut and I wouldnt move at ALL. Even answering a text or phone call was a nightmare and forget coming onto the net. I never managed that for wks on end. My body had just given up and I just didnt have the energy or power to do anything about it. This is where I discovered I was depressed. Sometimes I wish I could just curl up into a ball and just "hibernate" as my mate calls it. If only that was the case. When I am in this mind frame I do not shower etc and I ALWAYS do as this is part of my ocd is washing myself throughouly. I do not eat either which isnt good for me either as I had a sort fo eating disorder when I was younger. I am always in a catch 22 with my depression as I am either too happy or too unhappy. If I am in a happy mood this can last days, unhappy mood lasts LONGER which sucks big time. Then when I am happy I worry that I shouldn't be happy and smiley as people will think I am making having depression up. My mate thinks I am crazy for thinking this as I am only human and I am MEANT to and ALLOWED to lead my life. I am always worried I shouldn't be happy or smiley or having a good time.

Who knows what you are meant to be or feel like???

Berries what I am trying to say is the best cure is to and I hate to say it as its a hell of a lot easier said than done is GET MOTIVATION. I know your sitting there saying "ye right" and I know you are as thats they way I still am when people say that to me. But at least try it. I make a point of meeting up with a friend every wk. This is my motivation and now I am back at work I have work to motivate me which is helping since I am an insomniac too

Hope this helps you

Everyone else is no you, Berries. the stuff you are living with puts a huge strain on you, and your brain is not handling pleasurable input right to begin with. Don't beat yourself up, now. I havea feeling this will only make it worse. Your T probably knows you well enough to be able to tell that this or somehing like it was coming, so don't get all worried about how he or she is going to handle it. rest, and concentrate on doiing those little things that help you get back on track. Huggs and warm, gentle wishes.

(((((((((((((((( Berries ))))))))))))))))))

((((((( Berries! )))))))
((((((( Depressed Berries! )))))))
((((((( Worried Berries! )))))))
((((((( Paralyzed Berries! )))))))
((((((( Happy Berries! )))))))
((((((( Hypomanic Berries! )))))))
((((((( Any & All Berriesies! )))))))

(((((((((All mixed wild Berries!!!!!!!))))))))))

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovebirdsFlying Correct me if I'm wrong, Berries, but are you bipolar? Is your brain slowing down, causing you to be in this cycle? Are you coming off of a manic phase, or cycling into a depressive?

Yes i am bipolar. But I am on a mood stabilizer and I am on a hefty dose of an antipsychotic. So, i don’t get manic anymore. I do get hypomanic though. But I think I was in a normal happy mood for 2 weeks, and then I got triggered and my intrusive thoughts hammered me down, every single waking moment. And that is what caused the crash back into depression.

Quote:

Originally Posted by justfloating when I'm feeling well, to write down what it is that's lifting my mood. She says that when we're low, we tend to forget that there are things we can do to help ourselves, and we become unable to even think of what those things are. I keep a list at the back of one of my notebooks and when I'm not feeling good, I try to force myself to do one or two of those things, and it usually helps. Maybe it's something you could put together when your mood is a little better, both as proof that you CAN feel better and suggestions for how to get that way.

That is a good idea. I need something like that for when the intrusive thoughts start or just when I crash for no other reason than my brain can't take being hypomanic anymore.
Thank you Rebecca. I think I'll work on it in therapy this week. My T always has good ideas. Maybe we can come up with a written plan of "to dos" and maybe even some "not to dos"