[FeelingHopeful]

Im really thinking i maybe messed up somewhere and need some good advice. Im stressed and have a bad feeling.

[tryingtobeme]

What do you feel you screwed up?

[lynn P.]

Would you mind sharing more details about why you're having these feelings ((FeelingSad))?? What's happening?

[googley]

(((((FeelingSad)))))
I hope everything is okay.

[shezbut]

(((((feeling sad))))))

I wish that I could offer more than hugs to help you feel better.

What do you need advice with? Perhaps you could IM a few wise people here, and/or call your doctor's office?

Hope that you feel better soon!

(((((((((( FeelingSad )))))))))))

[Elysium]

(((((FeelingSad)))))

I get these feelings sometimes too and they're horrible.

Just remember, they are not always accurate as to what is really taking place. Sometimes it is our depression or other disorders lying to us.

If there is something that got messed up, then just take a deep breath and know that no matter what...we are all still here for you and you can talk with us when your ready!!

[FeelingHopeful]

Thannks Guys! Im feeling down today again because Im sad about a situation going on with a friend of mine, Im looking over old emails and stuff and remembering how I reacted to certain things, I know its not all my fault because I just care about him so much and my reactions were due to that and not knowing what was going on with him, but part of me thinks or blames myself because If somehow I had not said this or that , maybe he would feel like he could tell me what he wished he could and he woulnt have pushed me away, I know its his illness doing it, but maybe I could have helped, ive been crying all day, i feel so awful.

Even if you could have done something differently, how long are you going to beat yourself up for something you cannot change and did not intend?

[FeelingHopeful]

True,Bzantine,Thing is He told me a small pt of this situation and i have the feeling he wished he could tell me more, sorta understand why he cant, our history makes its hard,
But I feellike maybe he was reaching out then and I missed the signs. My head knows its not all my fault and It was not intended but what if that was like a plea for help and I didnt know? Also the fact that he told me recently a little bit of stuff makes me think somehow he wants my help,, does that make any sense?

I understand what you are saying, FeelingSad. Just the same you cannot change what happened. You are making yourself miserable over a situation you have no control over.

If you want to try to help this person now, that is another thing. You are a compassionate person. Nevertheless, he may not ever open up to you.

You have YOUR life to live. Good luck.

[FeelingHopeful]

Thats True, I do want to help and I think he wants me too also,So Im not gonna give up on him, Its true ,he may never tell me,but the one thing I do know is we will be friends for life,so As Much as I can do,Im going to try.About Making myself miserable,I am sad but i am trying to do better.Hew is Someone who is like part of my family ,known himvery very long and hes very close to my family.Hes not just a guy i met,so han i not be sad? He needs us.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by FeelingSad

...As Much as I can do,Im going to try...I am sad but i am trying to do better.

FeelingSad, you're in a predicament; I'd certainly be stressed. Right now, do you have concrete ideas about what "trying to do better" could be? Were I in your situation, I might be "active-passive" - attempting to make sure all my social sensors were on and tuned in to any possible cues from my friend. (Unfortunately, I'm not very good at such things.)

FeelingSad, my point is you are not responsible for his happiness. Your misplaced sense of responsibility is affecting you. I admire your loyalty to this person, yet believe you must set boundaries that allow you to be happier than you are now.

Good luck.

[lonegael]

Feeling sad, I think maybe the byzantine is right. I know that you feel so strongly for this friend and that fo you, the sun rises and sets in him, yet I am also starting to get the feeling tht you are losing yourself in his problem. I recommend strongly that you check out a book on codependancy or check and see what there is on the webb about it. There is nothing wrong with your love and loyalty, hon, but you are so afraid of losing him that you risk orienting your life around him as a sick person and his problems and that isn't good for either one of you. you aren't repsonsible for his feeling, and you can't do much more than let him know that you'll be there when he needs you. You can't do his part in the realionship for him.
He must be wonderfull for you to care so much! Huggggs in a big way.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( FeelingSad )))))))))))))))

[jooker]

Hey feeling Sad

I'm not sure if I understand the situation but it seems you feel you let your friend down by not responding appropriately. If I were in this situation I would say exactly that to him. I would just say:

"When you were talking to me the other day, after I thought about it I felt you needed support and I wasn't there for you. I just want you to know I'm here for you if you need me."

All of us fall short sometimes and people are usually forgiving if we let them know we genuinely care by saying, "hey, I goofed."

Hope this helps!

[FeelingHopeful]

Feeling sad, I think maybe the byzantine is right. I know that you feel so strongly for this friend and that fo you, the sun rises and sets in him, yet I am also starting to get the feeling tht you are losing yourself in his problem. I recommend strongly that you check out a book on codependancy or check and see what there is on the webb about it. There is nothing wrong with your love and loyalty, hon, but you are so afraid of losing him that you risk orienting your life around him as a sick person and his problems and that isn't good for either one of you. you aren't repsonsible for his feeling, and you can't do much more than let him know that you'll be there when he needs you. You can't do his part in the realionship for him.
He must be wonderfull for you to care so much! Huggggs in a big way. I hear what your saying about losing myself in his problem, he even said to me, that he is happy im so concerned for him and that im worried about him, but he doesnt want me to worry too much, because i prob wont guess it but more importantly it will make me sick if i worry too much and he doesnt want that for me.Maybe i am , but nobody understands ,one day i had this close friend who had feelings for me and vice versa,i thought we were headed towards a true relationship down the rd and , then we had a bad fight and next thing i know hes gone, he starts this new life , new friends and then we get back in touch,he tells me a little,says WE MUST STAY Friends, he would be truly upset if we werent,weve been close friends for many yrs!
I cant tell anyone so i have no one to talk to.Its ok, I would never tell anyone anyhow,I respect him toomuch ,when anyobe tells me anything , i keep their secret, so i sit here going , maybe he tried to tell me and i missed his signs, but waking up to find someone who is a huge pt of your life, disappear and i wasnt prepared for it,hit me like a brick,on top of having genuine feelings for him and knowing this about him, when everyone else thinks hes fine,i know the truth, and dealing with alot,its very hard emotionally,I miss him, it does affect me,because obv him telling me a bit shows he wants me in his life ,and to be fair ,lifes not the same without him, yet because of him feeling weird about hurting me, he doesnt come around as much, but we still talk.i think hes not sure what to do,i know my responsibility is not for his happiness, thats on him, but he confided a bit in me, he didnt just move on, hes in my life for good.How would everyone feel if a major person in their life just disappeared, im struggling ,and i hoped for a online hug or something,sorry if this comes out harsh,i dont mean it too,i love you guys,im just sad and want him back. ive tried to keep myself busy so i dont get sad so much,its just very very hard. Im crying as i type this.

[FeelingHopeful]

I hear what your saying about losing myself in his problem, he even said to me, that he is happy im so concerned for him and that im worried about him, but he doesnt want me to worry too much, because i prob wont guess it but more importantly it will make me sick if i worry too much and he doesnt want that for me.Maybe i am , but nobody understands ,one day i had this close friend who had feelings for me and vice versa,i thought we were headed towards a true relationship down the rd and , then we had a bad fight and next thing i know hes gone, he starts this new life , new friends and then we get back in touch,he tells me a little,says WE MUST STAY Friends, he would be truly upset if we werent,weve been close friends for many yrs!
I cant tell anyone so i have no one to talk to.Its ok, I would never tell anyone anyhow,I respect him toomuch ,when anyobe tells me anything , i keep their secret, so i sit here going , maybe he tried to tell me and i missed his signs, but waking up to find someone who is a huge pt of your life, disappear and i wasnt prepared for it,hit me like a brick,on top of having genuine feelings for him and knowing this about him, when everyone else thinks hes fine,i know the truth, and dealing with alot,its very hard emotionally,I miss him, it does affect me,because obv him telling me a bit shows he wants me in his life ,and to be fair ,lifes not the same without him, yet because of him feeling weird about hurting me, he doesnt come around as much, but we still talk.i think hes not sure what to do,i know my responsibility is not for his happiness, thats on him, but he confided a bit in me, he didnt just move on, hes in my life for good.How would everyone feel if a major person in their life just disappeared, im struggling ,and i hoped for a online hug or something,sorry if this comes out harsh,i dont mean it too,i love you guys,im just sad and want him back. ive tried to keep myself busy so i dont get sad so much,its just very very hard. Im crying as i type this.

[FeelingHopeful]

He doesnt know Im this upset,I think he knows Im been sad , but i tell anyone if you run into him , say im doing ok, plus when he emails , he will ask how i am,i lie alot,i dont want him to know how hard this is, because he will feel guilty and that wont help him.He does ask about me i know,heard through the grapevine

[lonegael]

(((((((((Feelingsad)))))))))!!!!!!

[FeelingHopeful]

Aww,Hugs you guys! Im sorry if my posts were negative,Im not mad at anyone,not mad at him,What happened in the past ,our fights,him pushing me away, I forgive everything, I just wanna help him, no matter what.

[stefano]

I do recommend that you keep the channel open between the two of you. Talk, email, communicate. Non one is almighty and there are times when people can't be helped. However, it always turns out that no support at all would have been worse. So all you have to do is be there, and listen, even if you have no answers.
By all means, keep communicating. Anguish and regret ALWAYS dwell in the folds of the unknown.

[FeelingHopeful]

Aww Thank you Stefano,Thats exactly what im gonna do,keep the communication lines open